| | Relapse
Hello, I'm 21, and I've been self injuring since I was 13 with my most recent lapse being my longest at nearly a year and a half. Thing is, a few days ago I had no desire to go back to being that person that relied so wholly on an object that could hurt me. On Saturday, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me, and basically lying to me about everything the entire time we've been together. I haven't felt so helpless or hurt in such a long time that I didn't know what else to do, so I turned to the only thing I had really known for so long.
Anyway, I'll get to my point here, I have a one year old son, and I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to fall back into my old habits; especially since I can already feel it happening. I don't want my son to see me deteriorate that way, but I'm worried that like every other time I've quit and started back up again that I won't be able to do it just once. I know it seems stupid, but I've been trying to read messages between my husband and his little affair, almost like I want to hurt myself more, but what can I say? I'm a glutton for pain. When I have panic attacks, self injury is usually the only thing that will help me catch my breath, and I also can't be indisposed for hours on end in intense attacks.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is, is there anyone out there who has recovered from this issue, and if you did "relapse" in a sense (as I consider this to be just like an addiction, at least for me), how did you hop back on the wagon?
Last edited by ShizzyLizzy; 06-24-2011 at 02:47 AM.