Hello, I'm 21, and I've been self injuring since I was 13 with my most recent lapse being my longest at nearly a year and a half. Thing is, a few days ago I had no desire to go back to being that person that relied so wholly on an object that could hurt me. On Saturday, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me, and basically lying to me about everything the entire time we've been together. I haven't felt so helpless or hurt in such a long time that I didn't know what else to do, so I turned to the only thing I had really known for so long.
Anyway, I'll get to my point here, I have a one year old son, and I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to fall back into my old habits; especially since I can already feel it happening. I don't want my son to see me deteriorate that way, but I'm worried that like every other time I've quit and started back up again that I won't be able to do it just once. I know it seems stupid, but I've been trying to read messages between my husband and his little affair, almost like I want to hurt myself more, but what can I say? I'm a glutton for pain. When I have panic attacks, self injury is usually the only thing that will help me catch my breath, and I also can't be indisposed for hours on end in intense attacks.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is, is there anyone out there who has recovered from this issue, and if you did "relapse" in a sense (as I consider this to be just like an addiction, at least for me), how did you hop back on the wagon?
Last edited by ShizzyLizzy; 06-24-2011 at 02:47 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to ShizzyLizzy: Phoenix (07-14-2011)
First of all you are among friends here, we know what you've been through, and what you're going through. Self-harm or cutting is very much an addiction, and it's particularly hard to kick because it's not only a physical addiction its a psychological addiction.
What's going on with your marriage right now is a standard trigger that would get you fully back involved in your old ways if you let it. Your best bet for you and your son, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and get some help. This battle is one that is incredibly hard to beat on ones own, having the support of a good therapist can make all the difference. There are also DBT groups which can offer awesome amounts of support and teach you ways to handle the triggers and other things to do instead of harm yourself. You've got the first step down, your looking for help for you and your son, now you need to do the second step, go and get that help. If you don't have insurance or are short on money, then there are free mental clinics in just about every city in the U.S. Call your local county Department of Social Services office and they can give you the information that you need.