It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Self-injury Recovery Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-27-2011, 12:12 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New York USA
Posts: 9
DoubleEdgedLife HB User
New to the message board

Hi
I'm new to this kind of thing so I figured I would tell everyone alittle about my issues with SI.

I can't even remember when it started but I know I was really little. I would get this sudden surge of anger, sadness, and this weird feeling of pressure building up inside me. (haha I can actually feel it now as I write about it) Eventually it would build up into this overpowering need to hurt someone or something, until I couldn't hold it in.

I would lash out at my family in screaming fits and end up throwing things at my walls or slamming my head into my pillow. It hardly helped. I only felt the least bit better when crying and clawing at my arms and legs and punching my thighs, even slamming my face into walls. Eventually that turned into stabbing my self with pencils and pins, which turned into ripping up my skin. Eventually I turned to cutting myself.

I only admitted it to myself a few weeks ago. I'm not sure I could stop even if I wanted to. I feel so good afterwards (the only way to make the pressure go away completely.) and it's the only way I can control those feelings.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I've been resisting the urge to cut as often as I can. I've never told anyone about this, but it feels good to get this out.

Thanks for listening.
DEL

 
The following user gives a hug of support to DoubleEdgedLife:
Phoenix (07-14-2011)
Old 06-27-2011, 05:11 AM   #2
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,851
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: New to the message board

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoubleEdgedLife View Post
I would get this sudden surge of anger, sadness, and this weird feeling of pressure building up inside me. ( I can actually feel it now as I write about it) Eventually it would build up into this overpowering need to hurt someone or something, until I couldn't hold it in.


I only admitted it to myself a few weeks ago. I'm not sure I could stop even if I wanted to.
it's the only way I can control those feelings.

I'm not sure where to go from here.
I've never told anyone about this, but it feels good to get this out.
DEL
Hello DEL,

Your ability to identify the onset and admitting that there is a problem are key elements in the process of recovery.

Have you ever considered seeing a therapist?

I want you to know that you can release your burdens here,without the worry of being judged.

Welcome,
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-27-2011, 11:15 AM   #3
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New York USA
Posts: 9
DoubleEdgedLife HB User
Re: New to the message board

Thanks Pheonix

I see a therapist regularly. I am just too embarassed to let her know. I worry that my parents will find out.
I've been hiding it for so long. I just don't want to screw up my life, or my families life. On a more selfish note, I feel like if I stop I won't feel better anymore.
I've helped one friend quit, she's been cut free for 2 years, and I've been talking 2 other friends through quitting. I don't know what would happen if they ever found out. I feel like such a hypocrite.

It's nice to be able to tell someone about this. I don't feel like it's such a huge secret, and I'm glad someone would be willing to help.

DEL

 
Old 06-27-2011, 06:54 PM   #4
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,851
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: New to the message board

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoubleEdgedLife View Post

I see a therapist regularly. I am just too embarassed to let her know. I worry that my parents will find out.

I've helped one friend quit, she's been cut free for 2 years, and I've been talking 2 other friends through quitting.

It's nice to be able to tell someone about this. I don't feel like it's such a huge secret, and I'm glad someone would be willing to help.

DEL
DEL,

Maybe you can discuss to your therapist the parameters of what can and can't be discussed with your parents.

You've helped others to quit and they needed help...
Now you require help;allow us to provide a helping hand of support and advice.

Sincerely
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

 
Old 06-27-2011, 07:29 PM   #5
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New York USA
Posts: 9
DoubleEdgedLife HB User
Re: New to the message board

Phoenix,
Thank you so much. I can't believe how good it feels to just get it out there. I've made up my mind. Starting today I'm going to work on quitting. I have one very good friend who as I mentioned before, is struggling with the same thing. I'm considering telling him. I feel like maybe quitting with someone would be better motivation.
The funny part is, until I switched to razor blades I never felt like a 'cutter' even when I needed to exscuse myself from class to cut.
Do you know of any stratagies that could help? Or maybe anyone who does?

Thank you for all the help, reading others posts have helped me realise I'm not alone in this.

Double Edged Life

Last edited by DoubleEdgedLife; 06-27-2011 at 09:29 PM.

 
Old 06-28-2011, 03:38 AM   #6
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,851
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: New to the message board

Quote:
Originally Posted by DoubleEdgedLife View Post
Phoenix,
I've made up my mind. Starting today I'm going to work on quitting.

I have one very good friend who is struggling with the same thing. I'm considering telling him. I feel like maybe quitting with someone would be better motivation.

Do you know of any stratagies that could help?
Double Edged Life
DEL,

Now that's music to my ears : )

Confiding in others is definitely a move in a positive direction.

Have you and your therapist discussed "safe place imagery?"

Respectfully
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

 
Old 06-28-2011, 05:02 PM   #7
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,894
Blog Entries: 12
jennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB User
Re: New to the message board

Hi....I'm Jenny and I have been a self-injurer for most of my almost 60 years. If I may give say a couple of things.

I have yet to meet a self-injurer who wasn't abused as a child, even if you don't remember it. And abuse can be something like being in the hospital for a long and serious illness/injury. Medical treatment is abusive to the body and mind of a child.

2 years without cutting is not a cure. It is a remission. I've gone for many years with out hurting and then find myself, when in intense anger, resorting to hurting myself all over again.

Self-injury can be all sorts of things, not just cutting. And many have multiple things they do..cutting, hitting hard things, burning, pulling out of hair/eyelashes/eyebrows, breaking one's own bones, self-inflicted head injuries.....the list is endless and I've done all of the above at one time or another.

You have a choice in treatment. You can work on suppressing the urge and learning other methods of getting out the anger or you can work on why you are so angry in the first place. I did the first for many, many years only to find I am slugging walls at age 59 and now, am working on finding the reason. I've already found it...now to deal with it. The urge to self injure is finally going away.

SI is very common and in some cultures, even accepted so it is something we humans do resort to. But here in western culture, it is a symptom and needs to be recognized.

I urge you to tell your therapist. No one can help you if you are not 100% honest. You might as well quit and save the money if you aren't honest. SI is a symptom of your problems and is as important as anything else in your past or present. And it may help the therapist figure out what is wrong. As I said, I have yet to meet anyone who does SI and wasn't abused in some way. It is a frequent accompaniment to PTSD and BPD(and BPD is often from abuse as well).

Please tell then you can decide which way you want to proceed, management or going after the reason. Management helps most but for someone like me who was abused almost to death, it takes the long road of digging out the past to the last detail.

good luck..............Jenny

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
New to board....... Trilleon Self-injury Recovery 11 11-24-2008 01:28 PM
New to board, need support,etc. DQGal Self-injury Recovery 2 11-27-2007 06:22 PM
Im new to this board ducky78 Self-injury Recovery 16 03-19-2007 07:31 AM
New to board...seeking encouragement orchardlady Self-injury Recovery 18 02-08-2007 08:03 AM
New To The Board Derangea Self-injury Recovery 1 07-20-2005 05:42 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



katlin09 (20), flamesabers (10), ghelpmelivelife (3), Phoenix (3), bloodytears (2), nomeatforme63 (2), tearsnfears (2), MaddieLovesNPH (2), greenstarz (1), forgetyou (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (997), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (745), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:17 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!