I'm having a really rough time right now. It seems like everyone has turned their back on me... well, almost everyone. I was doing okay for a while, as far as not cutting, but I just keep back sliding. It seems like every time I go a while without doing it, it comes back with a vengeance. Lately, I have been resorting to burning rather than cutting. I'm not sure why, but I have. Either way, I feel like I am destroying my life. I honestly have no fight left in me, I can't fight the urges.
I feel like I have officially gone off of the deep end. I can't get any help from anyone... I can't get in touch with my counselor, I'm having trouble setting up (and keeping) an appointment my psych, if i go to a PCP, they make me feel like I am a moron. It just seems like there isn't any hope. One day, things are great and they stay that way for a while, and BAM!! I'm starting all over again. I'm just sick of it.
I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear this crap, I don't blame you. But right now, I feel this is the only way to get things out. Maybe someone out there will read this and can understand... even if it's just a little.
Chels
The following 3 users give hugs of support to: nomeatforme63 always8 (10-16-2011), flamesabers (10-13-2011), halolove (10-14-2011)
Hello Chels. You said a few people have not turned their back on you. Could these people help you in some way even if it's just listening to what is bothering you when you have the urge to burn or cut yourself?
Is there another counselor in your area that you could go to? Is the psych you're seeing not available or is his/her schedule not compatible with yours?
I can relate to the feeling that there isn't any hope. Fortunately a lot of the worst case scenarios I thought would happen never did, in fact a much better outcome oftentimes occurred.
I don't think the pain and difficulty you're facing is crap. I think one of the primary purposes of these boards is to provide support to each other when we feel like life is bleak and there is no hope.
No, I don't have anyone else to turn to. They just seem to add to the crap. I can't get another counselor right because of insurance. I missed one appt with the psych and I had to reschedule and the soonest I could get another appt was like a month later. So I'm out of meds.
Could you get a new prescription for your meds through a PCP? I know you said PCPs have treated you in a condescending manner, but it may be worth it if the meds helps to make life more tolerable for you.
" I have been resorting to burning rather than cutting. I'm not sure why, but I have. Either way, I feel like I am destroying my life. I honestly have no fight left in me, I can't fight the urges.
I feel like I have officially gone off of the deep end."
Kiddo you know the drill here. You have to get back on your meds. Whether that means bugging the pdocs office everyday, or going to your PCP, or going to the local health department mental clinic.
Your spiraling out of control because you've stopped taking your meds all of a sudden, you can't do that. These meds cause w/d's and lots of other nasty side effects if you just "stop" taking them.
We've talked about this kiddo, you have to be responsible and make sure you have your scripts each month. So keep working on getting back into the pdoc or PCP or something. College was already very difficult for you, without your meds your going to feel like everyone is against you and you can't do anything....neither of those is true. You are a great, smart women.
New here just seeing what is all about this site.
I totally relate to exactly how you feel, been there soooooo many times. Do you have kids help phone in States?
I am in Canada, what is meant by a PCP?
They laughed at you in the ER???? I know what i would have done if they did that to me, but cannot say it.
I also have to ask this cause I was in the States a few years ago and had the urge to cut. I went to an ER and they did not laugh in my face. I have to ask, what did you tell them, cause the thing that you should tell them and a friend of mine is a nurse confirmed this is the Universal thing to say in the Er in North America. Tell them simply and mater of factly, "I am having a crisis and need help". Once you say this they will take you serious, if not, say it out loud so everyone can hear, cause if they turn you away and you do harm yourself or someone else, they are legally responsible.
I was in North Carolina, went to the ER and it was packed. Told them i was having a cisis and needed help. I was in the ER and talking to a doctor withing 5 minutes. Police, medics and all first responders in Canada know that by saying that you are having a crisis means you feel you are going to harm yourself and others and they tgake that real serious, do not say it unless you mean it. Also, in Canada anyway, it wont land you in a psych ward or nothing either, most times they get you the counsel you need and you go home a few hours later.
PCP means primary care physician. i did not mean that they literally laughed at me. I told them i wanted to cut and was afraid i would go too far with it. they told me since i did not plan to kill myself there was nothing to do. and sent me home.
I told them i wanted to cut and was afraid i would go too far with it.
Have you ever told your psych or counselor this when you were able to see them? I've never been hospitalized for having suicidal thoughts. However, when I talk about my suicidal thoughts with my psych nurse she's very clear in making sure I have no intention of acting on such thoughts and if I ever do, I'll get help right away.
I'm bad at waiting til the last possible minute to tell them I'm having bad thoughts. I feel like they will go away if I just give it enough time. But that rarely happens. I know when I tell them things like that, its possible I'll go back to the hospital.
Do you think going back to the hospital may help you in the long-term? When you're afraid you're a danger to yourself, I think being hospitalized should be considered. If you feel this level of treatment isn't appropriate for you then I think an intensive outpatient program should be looked at.
the hospital never really helps in the long run. i will be stable for a couple months and then i am like this. yeah, i'm also like this because i am off meds, but that is because i ran out and failed to get an appointment. but it's not like i said, "hey, i'm going to stop taking my meds."
the closest "intensive outpatient program" that i know of is close to an hour away. and i cant do that.
I hope you're able to get back on your meds and see your psych again soon. You could try to call your psych's office every few days or so to see if someone has canceled their appointment and you could see your psych sooner than later.
I strongly suggest you do tell your psych about the times when you're afraid you could go too far with cutting yourself. Your psych may make changes to your medication to minimize the frequency and intensity of the times you feel like you're a danger to yourself.
Hi, welcome to the boards. Here in the States, ER's treat psychiatric emergencies a bit different. If you walk into an ER shouting out to everyone and anyone that your in a psychiatric crisis and need help....there's a very good chance you will find yourself in the psych ward on a 72 hour hold. And yes, the way the laws are written here, it is totally legal.
Generally if you go to an ER for having self injurious thoughts, you will be seen, but there's not much they can do. Psych meds take a while to work, so they don't give them out in the ER very often and if you're there because you've let yourself run out of your meds, they might give you a 30 day script and that's about it. IF the docs or nurses notice a strange behavior or sense that you are in danger of hurting someone or yourself, they will put you in the psych ward for a 72.
So that's just a bit of info., to help clear up any confusion.
