Thanks for the time u took to reply to me. It definitely is amazing considering I am on anti depressants and have been for a while now but am just staying content on the ones I have. I am slipping though so perhaps they aren't working so well at the moment. Ive tried numerous psychiatrist, psychologist ect and I really have not liked one of them. So im now afraid to try someone new. My past girlfriend knows that I have started again and is very concerned about me. I dont want to burden anyone else with this and I really just dont want to face it. I have 2 beautiful children that I love so much and just feel like im letting them down as a mother. God I try so hard to not cut but I feel my urges are getting worse. Im down so I want to just do it. I really have times where if I had a gun I would not be here anymore. But then I think of my family and friends and how selfish that is of me. But it would just cure my sadness. I was not abused but I suppose I was so unhappy as a child I started having sex at the age of 12, not sure if I wanted it or not. Was teased all through high school as I was ur typical size 8 (from Aus) blonde hair blue eyes, tanned and all the other girls called me rotten names as their boyfriends liked me. How was that my fault? Yet I copped it everyday of my schooling. I guess I just ended up living up to that reputation as I was getting called it no matter what even though now I think its messed with my mind more than I know. Girls to threaten me with baseball bats was not meant to be on the agenda when going to school. I had friends but behind my back were complete ******* about me. Life just sucks. When I was younger I actually did cause physical harm to myself and only now is this coming back to me. I didnt think it would be an issue. I guess im wrong. I know I need help but dont want it either. Its so hard to face it.
Last edited by mod85; 10-15-2011 at 05:07 AM.