It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Self-injury Recovery Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-15-2012, 10:46 PM   #1
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
My turn...

Ok, so bad weekend....nightmares won....only 12 stitches this time...damn! The cutting is bad enough...but to not get the high, not get the buzz from the pain or the bloodrush.....hell I have to dissassociate and do it in my sleep.... I'm just freaking tired...sick and tired of all of it. I'm sick of having to explain why I did something when I don't even remember doing it.....why do people not get that???????

Hope you guys are better.

kat

 
Old 01-15-2012, 11:17 PM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
frisbeefreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California
Posts: 182
frisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB User
Re: My turn...

I'm sorry you had a bad weekend =/ you cut in your sleep?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-16-2012, 06:58 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: kansas city, mo usa
Posts: 271
tearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB User
Re: My turn...

Kat,

I am really sorry you have had a bad weekend. I wish there was something that I could do to help as you have been really good at responding to me since I found this board and encouraging me to get help. Just take it one minute at a time we understand even if no one else does and we are here to listen and hopefully help.

 
Old 01-16-2012, 07:53 AM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: My turn...

Yes. I've been cutting for 33 years since I was 13, my father used to get his kicks molesting me, that started when I was 9, when I was 13 I found cutting...great way to cope. I've always had nightmares about it, pretty freakin awful ones, 5 years ago they morphed into a whole new deal...I now have tactile amnesic dreamstates..."nightmares with playtime activity"!!!! I dream my father or abusive ex husband is attacking me, so I defend myself with of course my first choice in a weapon, a knife, but in real life I am attacking myself with that knife in my sleep...I'm in a total dissassociative state so I don't feel anything, sense anything, hear anything.....or wake up. When I do wake up, in the morning like normal, I'm in bed a bloody mess and trying to figure out what the hell happened this time, why there are scissors sticking out of my arm, or why I'm gripping a knife in my hand.....the first time 47 stitches, 2nd time 15 stitches, 3rd time 75 stitches, 4th time 3 & 8 stitches, 5th time 10 stitches, 6th time 3" 2nd degree burn, and Saturday 7th time 12 stitches.....when it first started happening it scared the crap out of me, now it's just whatever....but it ticks me off, I'm tired of this crap. I can handle choosing to cut when I'm awake....I do not like my brain/body choosing to do this stuff without my permission!!!!!

kat

Last edited by katlin09; 01-16-2012 at 07:56 AM. Reason: hate spelling errors

 
Old 01-16-2012, 08:00 AM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: My turn...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tearsnfears View Post
Kat,

I am really sorry you have had a bad weekend. I wish there was something that I could do to help as you have been really good at responding to me since I found this board and encouraging me to get help. Just take it one minute at a time we understand even if no one else does and we are here to listen and hopefully help.
Tears, you do plenty...just knowing that your out there and that you do understand and you do care...that's plenty. one minute at a time...it's all we can do right.....last night I set my cell for 30 minutes chunks, slept for 30 minutes then woke up, did it all night long.....got a little sleep and managed not to bloody the sheets in the process....so I guess I'm good.

Hope this week is better for you than last.

kat

 
Old 01-16-2012, 01:41 PM   #6
Senior Member
(female)
 
frisbeefreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California
Posts: 182
frisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB Userfrisbeefreak HB User
Re: My turn...

I'm so sorry for the things that have happened to you. I too have had similar things happen to me and as a result ended up cutting. I found EMDR therapy to be quite helpful in relieving the nightmares and letting go.

 
Old 01-16-2012, 02:42 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
flamesabers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Rochester, MN
Posts: 794
flamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB User
Re: My turn...

Hello Kat.

I'm sorry you had a bad weekend. I know it's no fun not being able to get a good night of sleep. I hope you're able to get some sleep soon without the nightmares and cutting.

 
Old 01-16-2012, 07:50 PM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: My turn...

Thanks for the input....yes I've done EMDR as well as ECT and DBT, CBT....LOL...pretty much every therapy out there.....I also have a pretty strong med combo that usually is very effective.....just had to up the juice a bit. We'll see how tonight plays out.....last night we did 30 minute sleep sets, tonight I'll extend them to an hour...

welcome to the SI board btw...havn't seen ya around here...

kat

 
Old 01-16-2012, 08:04 PM   #9
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: My turn...

Quote:
Originally Posted by flamesabers View Post
Hello Kat.

I'm sorry you had a bad weekend. I know it's no fun not being able to get a good night of sleep. I hope you're able to get some sleep soon without the nightmares and cutting.
Hey flamesabers....

well life is what it is, right? we deal....somehow. tonight I'll shoot for 60 minute chunks of sleep...and go from there....generally enough to feel a bit rested but not enough to get myself into trouble.

Hope your keeping busy, and your spirits up bud!

Kat

 
Old 01-17-2012, 12:21 PM   #10
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: kansas city, mo usa
Posts: 271
tearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB Usertearsnfears HB User
Re: My turn...

Kat,

I hope that you slept better last night and that tonight will be even better. You can do this and I know that you will be able to beat this. I am sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes.

 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:13 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
flamesabers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Rochester, MN
Posts: 794
flamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB Userflamesabers HB User
Re: My turn...

Hi Kat.

I hope you've been able to get longer periods of peaceful sleep over the last few days.

Yes, I've been keeping busy. I've been reading a book about being stuck in life and it has given me something to think about.

 
Old 01-18-2012, 03:57 PM   #12
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: My turn...

Well, could not turn the brain off and make it sleep last night, apparantly it knew something I didn't..so I just went with the flow and stared at the ceiling. Then about 5:30 passed out and literally died until 9:00 a.m. so I got a few hours sleep.

Thanks to all you wonderful guys for your support and hugs and just being there...your the greatest...and you get it...and that means more than anything in the world!

Kat

 
Old 01-18-2012, 05:45 PM   #13
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 3
Steph3388 HB User
Re: My turn...

Im really sorry that happens to you. I used to cut when I was young due to anxiety and depression. I still have severe anxiety and suffer from debilitating panic attacks from time to time, so I know how you feel. Just a question because I wonder this for myself...

Do you think the meds make you more even-keeled so you can be yourself or do you think they alter who you are all together? I'm just curious because I am debating whether or not I should try to get off of my meds and risk losing it all- fiance and job, or stay completely happy but possibly not the real me? Just curious...

 
Old 01-18-2012, 06:06 PM   #14
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: My turn...

I am very severe BiPolar...my official diagnosis is Bipolar with severe suicidal depression...on top of that I have several life threatening diseases, I've had 44 surgeries in the last 15 years.....and several of them are degenerative they will continue to get worse.

I take a very specifically mixed carefully dosed cocktail that was created and researched just for me to keep my mind and subconscious from dreaming...it consists of 5 different medications. It normally works really well, but every once in a while it has to be tweaked. Other than that I take 11 other meds that allow me to breathe, my heart to beat, my BP to remain stable, my blood pressure to stay at a normal rate and allow me to walk and keep my pain at a reasonable 5, so that just living everyday is bearable. The meds dont' hamper me...they let me "agree" to continue trying to live each day.

Kat

 
Old 01-18-2012, 06:39 PM   #15
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 3
Steph3388 HB User
Re: My turn...

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
I am very severe BiPolar...my official diagnosis is Bipolar with severe suicidal depression...on top of that I have several life threatening diseases, I've had 44 surgeries in the last 15 years.....and several of them are degenerative they will continue to get worse.

I take a very specifically mixed carefully dosed cocktail that was created and researched just for me to keep my mind and subconscious from dreaming...it consists of 5 different medications. It normally works really well, but every once in a while it has to be tweaked. Other than that I take 11 other meds that allow me to breathe, my heart to beat, my BP to remain stable, my blood pressure to stay at a normal rate and allow me to walk and keep my pain at a reasonable 5, so that just living everyday is bearable. The meds dont' hamper me...they let me "agree" to continue trying to live each day.

Kat
That makes sense. Thank you for answering

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Last chance/no where else to turn!!! Trustkill Self-injury Recovery 2 08-03-2011 02:26 PM
Don't know where to turn next... nomeatforme63 Self-injury Recovery 11 05-29-2011 09:49 PM
You will never be able to STOP the thoughts Jess0518 Self-injury Recovery 5 04-18-2007 07:28 AM
Turning to cutting because there is nowhere else to go Smigtastic32 Self-injury Recovery 10 03-24-2007 10:15 AM
Can Somebody Help Me Understand? Denco Self-injury Recovery 5 01-04-2006 08:29 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



katlin09 (20), flamesabers (10), ghelpmelivelife (3), Phoenix (3), bloodytears (2), nomeatforme63 (2), tearsnfears (2), MaddieLovesNPH (2), greenstarz (1), forgetyou (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1011), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (761), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:15 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!