Originally Posted by tearsnfears
I met with the pdoc last week and while I am going back next week for another appointment he was really pushing me to talk about things I am not ready to talk about like on our second appt I am going to open up and tell him everything already. I know that is the point of our sessions but I don't feel as though I completely trust him yet so how the hell am I supposed to just bear my soul.
I had my evaluation at work today, my bosses (yes plural) were going around the table telling me what I need to do to improve .
Sometimes a pdoc will press for information when they see an urgent situation but don't want to alarm the patient.
I also have trust and a host of other issues(disorders) that i'm working on so I sort of know where you're coming from.
other therapists that my pdoc has me see when she's on vacation but so much.
The reason I tend to fully disclose things isn't out of trust but a genuine desire to get my issues off my chest,for i've allowed them to fester for so long.
This festering has worn me down to my bare essentials and it's more of a self-preservation thing.In my mind I say "what's the worse this person can do if I disclose my innermost thoughts?"
That's not to say that everything comes out all at once but I make the attempt to inform the individual of as much as my mind will allow........at the end of the session I explain how difficult it was for me,due to my issues,to explain my psychological pain.
If I get a "dear caught in the headlights" look from them,it's then I feel like crap because I shared so much but I now realize I may have to do it again and yet again,until something "clicks."
Timing,at times,is everything and you being judged by your bosses doesn't help at all;not at this point in time anyway.
It may provide the illusion,especially if you have trust issues,that you are being judged on more of a personal level and if not,at the very least,leaves a person feeling vulnerable.
I truly hope that you can see at least a little of what i've tried to explain;you're not alone.