For no apparent reason, I just felt really depressed all of a sudden two days ago and the feeling hasn't left me. I'm about to start my 2nd year of college and I currently live alone and am taking summer school classes so that's a bit lonely but it isn't any cause for depression. My hometown is 4 hours away and my boyfriend lives 7 hours away right now.
My dad died when I was 8 and that threw me into a deep depression. When I was in 7th grade I started cutting myself and harming myself in other ways and I got to the point where I didn't want to live. But in 11th grade I had a boyfriend who I confided in and by senior year I had quit cutting. I've had 3 slip-ups since and the last was 1/2 a year ago and it didn't do for me what it used to. So that's my backstory.
The past few days it's been all I can do not to start cutting again. I know if I do it will be so hard to stop. I had been running but I injured my foot and now I can't. I don't understand why I feel so down. What should I do to feel better again and what should I do when I feel like cutting?
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: starrynightsky aworry (06-13-2012), Phoenix (06-22-2012)
Very sorry your having a rough time, but glad you found us. Sounds like you need some activity to get your mind off things. Running is definitely out, is there a pool that you can use, swimming would probably do you some good right about now.
Lots of times when your in a situation where your alone and stressed and you can't do the things you normally do to handle that stress, it can just add up and take over. You've got quite a bit going on right now. And your normal stress reliever, running, is off the table, so your mind has a lot of time to sit around and get itself into trouble.
When you excercise regularly you brain releases chemicals that can ward off depression and sadness, your also out in the Sun which helps build up Vitamin D, which also fights depression.
Even though you can't run, try to get out in the sun for 20 minutes a day, get that Vitamin D in you. If you don't have access to a pool, do some kind of low resistance excercise that doesn't involve your foot.
When you get down and the urge to cut comes back, get yourself busy and out of the house. We tend to do just the opposite, coup ourselves up in the house and stay away from everyone...this just makes the urge stronger and alot easier to carry out. Take a drive, go to the library and read for a while, go to a park and feed the ducks...what you do is not important, just get out and be around people.
Journaling your feelings can help get the sadness out of you. Putting it down on paper sometimes is useful, you can go back and look at your thoughts later and see what you did to make them better.
Make sure your getting plenty of rest and eating well. Limit the junk food, lots of protein and fruits and veggies. Before you go to bed at night, take a nice hot bath, and just let yourself relax, when your mind goes to sad thoughts, redirect it to some happy memories.
If things don't improve in a few days, or if they start to get worse, go and see your counselor...this isn't something you want to let fester and get worse, okay.
I know dang well how you're feeling. ...and getting out of that feeling is very hard. I always found that friends were a good distraction. Today, I felt like cutting badly because I was lonely and depressed, and those feelings come and go and most of the time they come and go rapidly. Today, I distracted myself by making biscuits from scratch and before I realized it, the urge to cut wasn't the first thing on my mind. Distractions help, but if you're feeling depressed it might be because you're so far from the ones that you confide in. Hang in there. Think about how every hour that goes by that you don't cut is a small success, even if the urge to do so doesn't leave. You're not alone, even though you might feel like you're the only person on earth at the moment.
It sounds like you're down because you're alone and you could be bored. You have nothing distracting you right now. You probably have a lot of time to just sit and and think which could cause depression. Your family and your bf live far away so that doesn't help much. How about taking some time off and going back home for a bit? Just to clear your mind, hang out with some family and friends. Get into things and try to relax. If you're still feeling down then talking to a counselor won't hurt. But when it comes to cutting yourself, think back to how long you've gone without cutting and how strong you are. You can do it.