Cymbalta...brought it back? My past is haunting me!
I was in a car accident a while back, my doctor put me on Cymbalta due to me being in chronic pain that would lead to depression. It has been 12 years since I last cut myself; I thought I would never do it again, that it was in the past. I was wrong. While on Cymbalta I started thinking of cutting when I was really down from hurting. This scared me and I went and saw my phychologist whom I see for ADHD. He didn't seem to connect with me at all on this and avoided my questions as to why I was starting to think of this again and sent me on my way. That was the first week of Cymbalta, my dose was upped to 60 mg's a day - that is when I started to have a reaction to it and my doctor said I was allergic to it and to stop it immediately...the worst 4weeks of my life getting off of Cymbalta! That is when I relapsed and actually stopped thinking of it and did it. It is also when memories that I have apparently "blocked" started coming back. I thought the first time I had cut was 12 years ago, but I now know I have been doing it since grade school. I talked to my mom about it and once I shared it, she started noticing the coincidences, or "accidents". These lasted 1-6th grade, then we moved to Alaska - they all stopped then. When we moved back to Salem 6 years later, they started again (that was 12 yrs ago). Once the memories started, they plagued me at random times of the day, it was very disturbing and distressing. I went again to my doctor and his response was "life is about 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond." He told me to focus on the good. I said - so just forget about that someone close to me sexually hurt me? How am I to find good in that? I can't (won't?) remember the "who" other than pieces. I want to find out my past and why I block it to overcome it. Is this not the right way? My doctor thinks the past is the past and move on. Help! Has anybody taken Cymbalta and had this happen? I am not taking it anymore but it has started a mudslide of pain that just keeps getting bigger....scared.
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