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Old 12-10-2012, 08:23 PM   #1
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Getting worst

It is bad when I am looking for help. I keep stuff to myself, well I try(sometimes it gets out without me wanting it to). I have cut for about 15yrs. It started out small. I would put a little cut on my wrist. I still have the scars. I did them to look like one cut. I have some OCD. I would do good. I was never a everyday cut. Just when things got crazy. But now I am starting to see that it is getting worst. It has always been about seeing blood. I do like the feeling. But if there was no blood then I didn't do it right. And like I said it started small but now it is more then one cut. I did something wrong and freaked. I cut under my chest 10-20 times. They were small cuts. The sad things was that I was proud of them. I didn't want them to heal. I wanted the scars. That was about 3-4yrs ago. Now I feel that my world has been turned upside. So I cut or as I always called it Slice and Dice. But this time it was bad. I have about 30+ cuts. And this time I had to make them longer. What scares me is that I wanted to do more. I know what set it off. But I just want to get it control.

(sorry if I missed spelled anything)(and I am not the best writter)

 
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Old 12-11-2012, 07:59 AM   #2
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Re: Getting worst

Hello Rebby.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in your post, especially the part about only seeking help when things get real bad. Even though you may not consider yourself a good writer, you sound very self-aware and candid about your motives and reasons for cutting.

If you're not already, I suggest finding a therapist you can trust and talk to him/her about developing healthier coping mechanisms to help get through the crazy and difficult times. I know it can be hard to talk to a therapist, let alone about a very private and secretive habit like cutting. During some of my worse bouts with depression I've found talking to my therapist and getting another's perspective on my life can really make a big difference, even if it may not seem like it at the time. Over time I've realized the more I'm able to control my depression and stress levels, the less intense and frequent the urge to cut comes about.

 
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Old 12-11-2012, 03:30 PM   #3
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Re: Getting worst

Thank you. I would like to go talk to someone but I don't have the money. This is a first for me, the wanting to talk to someone about it. I always keep things to myself.

 
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