a year ago
i finally admitted to someone what I do and sought out help but here I sit with the urge to cut and the desire to let the pain out the and scream and wish for something more.
I am getting help and sometimes it does help but times like tonight I want to cut just to let the pain out and to see if anyone notices to see if anyone cares to see if life can ever get better even though I know it most likely wont
my friend the one that I confided in I am scared to talk to now, no matter what I ruined that friendship by confiding my dark secrets to them and no matter how bad I want to reach out again I wont because their life has changed and I won't ruin it for them.
Besides in the last year I have started taking chances hoping I think that maybe just maybe I would take a chance that would pay off and I would end up worse off than I am, yes I talk to my therapist about this but not all of it, yes I know I should be honest with him but it is so hard, everything is so hard.