hi im new to this dont know how to start but here goes
im 22 years old. work full time and go to school full time. been depressed since i was 16.
ive always been depressed cause i feel so alone. most of my friends stopped talking to me.i was in a abusive relationship for 3 years where my gf would verbally and physically abuse me and i still loved her. i get sad really easily. since i dont really have any friends i dont have anyone to talk about my feelings with. theres only 1 person i talk to at school and that i consider a friend but shes told me she doesnt even consider me as a friend. i dont know how to control my emotions sometimes so i cut myself. i also pull at my hair or scratch myself until i bleed. i have a few visible scars. i dont know how to deal with emotional pain.
i guess the main reason i feel depressed is that i feel im hideous and that no one wants to be my friend and that im gonna keep being alone. it was my birthday last week and no one told me happy bday except for my parents. i waited for my friends to text me or tell me happy bday and i didnt get anything. i think thats when i realized how alone i really am, idk what to do anymore i feel so worthless and pathetic that i just wanna hurt myself to feel something else
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so much pain and distress.
Despite the uncertainty you feel with trying to cope with your emotions, you sound very self-aware. It may not feel like it means much now, but I think being self-aware is a crucial part of trying to resolve whatever it is you're going through.
Have you tried talking to a therapist? If not, I think a therapist may be able to help you to find ways to better cope with emotional pain and negative self-talk.