Viagra didn't work. Extremely Distressed. Only 17 - Sexual Dysfunction Treatment Message Board

ChrisA · 06-08-2001, 01:39 AM

About a year ago I thought that I was in love with this girl. We were together for about a year when she told me she was pregnant. Because of our ages and after talking it over with both sets of parents we decided to have an abortion done. All in all the abortion really affected me and we never had sex again. I guess you can say that I was very shaken up by the fact that I killed my own seed. We had a very hard breakup about 2 months after we had the abortion done.

Well now it's about a year later and I've been with this PERFECT girl who I care for a whole lot. Now I am ready to have sex again. The first time we tried to have sex it was on my birthday. I was erect all during the foreplay but when it was time to enter her I lost my erection. Man was I embarrased. I explained to her my situation with my ex girlfriend, and she was just so understanding(keep in mind that she is only 16). She never mentioned anything about it and was so caring for me for the rest of the night when we went out. This really made me fall for her.

Well anyway, after a couple of repeated failed sexual encounters, I became extremely distressed. I even talked it over with my parents. My dad tried to explained to me that it was perfectly normal what I was going through and I should just try to relax. After I told him that I have been trying desperately to relax(even tried meditation) he offered me some of his viagra. Man was I happy. I just knew this stuff was going to work for me right? Wrong. 3 times have I tried having sex on viagra and 3 times have I been left alone crying myself to sleep. And tonight it happened again. I just don't know what to do. Right now I feel like just giving up on sex, but I feel like in doing so I will lose my current girlfriend. So this is my last resort. I desperately need you guy's help. What am I doing wrong? I just can't seem to overcome my nervousness. It's like that everytime I try to enter my girlfriend my heart starts POUNDING and I lose my erection. I can tell that this is starting to affect our relationship.

What am I doing wrong. I was told that taking viagra on a full stomach would reduce the affects so I take it after digestion. Could it be that I am working to hard? This last time we tried to have sex it was 4 hours after football practice. Was this a long enough time to let my body rejuvanate? Are there any alternatives that I should look into? Please guys I need some help, this is really tearing me up. I am way to young. I feel as if I am missing out on a big part of life and it is frustrated the hell out of me. Any suggestions/advice is needed and greatly appreciated.

Bill Magic · 06-08-2001, 04:32 PM

I'm not exactly sure what to tell you, but I will try to help.
1st question..Can you get yourself off..
I'm going to assume that you can..
You say you have an understanding girlfiend, right??OK then..try doing yourself till your getting close and then put it in. Even if you only last a second, you'll be on to something.. Then the next time do yourself but don't bring yourself as close as the time before...
And so on..until you have it beat..(no pun intended..although it's kinda funny..)
If she understands what you went through she should have no problem with this..
Or you both could do some oral for awhile...
whateve.. you can do it...Have her masturbate for you..

Hey its all sex and it's fun and good for ya.. So feel good about it.. It will work..
Cya ...

samba22 · 06-13-2001, 11:56 AM

Chris,
I empathize with your situation completely and I know how devastating this is to bear.

I, too, went thru an abortion situation (many yrs ago) with a girl I loved and our sexual encounters changed for the worse, much as you describe. We were never really the same after that, and broke up eventually.

Since that time, I have had occassional bouts with performance anxiety (I say 'performance anxiety' because I don't exhibit the true signs of 'impotence').

I was in a relationship for many yrs that finally dissolved negatively a few months ago; during the last 8 mos of the relationship I could rarely obtain an erection.

However, just 2 months ago I met the woman of my dreams -- we are madly in love. About a month into the relationship we had our first sexual encounter. I was so nervous about not being able to obtain an erection that I obtained some Viagra from my doctor, prior to our 1st encounter.

The first encounter went far better than I expected, and our sex life has just gotten better and better. However, I'm not sure how much the Viagra (V) had to do with it -- why do I say that?...because I've almost completely stopped using V, and I'm having no trouble staying hard as long as needed.

Perhaps the V had a "placebo" effect on me the first few times -- I dunno. I guess I had a "head" problem, not a "plumbing" problem. It sounds like that may the case in your situation as well, since you said you can get an erection during foreplay.

Soooo, my advice to you is to speak to a counselor or therapist and try to work out some of the conflicts that may be causing you to defeat and sabotage yourself.

Perhaps you should back off from even attempting penetration for a little while, just to break the failure cycle. Try to think positive thoughts and really zero in on how much your girlfriend digs you and you dig her...she's obviously a sensitive, caring person -- that's 1/2 the battle...you're very fortunate.

Think loving, calming thoughts. Given time, I think you will come thru this nicely...just stay positive and talk to someone who is knowledgeable and can help.

Best of luck to you!

beautiful · 06-26-2001, 05:25 PM

Chris, you MUST be protected against pregnancy. You were not careful that one time, and once is all it takes. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN.

True, your inability to maintain an erection could subconsciously be guilt and negative feelings harboring themselves inside you. I don't know that.

But don't make the same careless mistake again. An abortion is serious.

[This message has been edited by moderator3 (edited 06-26-2001).]