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Old 11-07-2003, 10:39 AM   #1
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Question Excessive masturbation?

My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year now. We have a very active and what seems to me to be a fulfilling sex life and love each other very much, the sex is great and uninhibited. We have sex at least 5 times a week if not every night of the week and it usually lasts for an hour or more. We most always orgasm and it seems to be very gratifying for us both, it is for me and he tells me how it is incredible.

The issue is... he spends an hour to 2 1/2 hours in the bathroom every night. It was not unusual for him to be in there for an hour before but the last month it has gotten longer and longer....and it is the only one in the house...lol.. I know this is going to really sound bad, but it was not intentional. I don’t’ get a chance to talk to him much because he leaves for work at 6am and gets home at 8pm, then works on projects, uses the bathroom & goes to bed.

I went to the bathroom door to ask him a question and was trying to speak to him through the crack in the door jam..(we are remodeling), he had been in there for an hour already. Something unintentionally caught my eye, so I really looked, he had a Playboy mag and a bottle of lotion out in front of him, I know he subscribes to Playboy and I have never had a problem with that.

I felt like I have not been satisfying him and there is something wrong with me and that he is not happy. Later I asked if everything was ok and why was he needing to spend to much time in the bathroom, that I'd like him to come to bed soon, this was at 12 midnight and we both had to work the next day. He was angry at me for "nagging him about his bathroom time". I am in and out of there in less than 45 mins. He said there is no problem. I asked him about him if he is masturbating in there and he said once in a while, he has told me in the past that he does it occasionally. I even find it arousing and I let him know that.

A couple of days went by and it has been eating at me because it has not changed, he is still spending more time in “his office”. I know he is doing the same thing morning and night in there and sometimes he can’t get very erect with me, he says it is just because he is tired. I did the wrong thing and asked him again last night, I asked again if we were ok and if there was something about me he wasn’t happy with that I need to change, he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he is masturbating to the magazines and he said he didn’t remember the last time he did. I told him that I saw him and what happened and that I am worried that I don’t make him happy. He hesitated but said I do make him happy and he doesn’t know why he does it so much, “habit maybe?” he said. He lied about it to me and not being honest is an issue.

Is this a problem? Should I be concerned?

 
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Old 11-07-2003, 11:32 AM   #2
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This is a complicated issue because a number of things have gone on. First off, the problem with the fact that he lied to you hopefully can be gotten over because, even in the best relationships, even the most honest people might instinctively lie about masturbation. It's something society's been lying about forever, it's hard to just fess up to it. And the fact that he did eventually fess up is a good sign.

Also, it isn't unusual for men (and women) to continue masturbating even when they are in a totally sexually satisfying relationship. If it isn't affecting your sex life, it shouldn't be an issue.

The real problem (I hope I'm getting this right in your case) is that it IS affecting your sex life, and that it has only gotten worse recently, which is probably in indication that something has changed with him. I think you have a right to be concerned and hopefully you'll be able to continue to talk to him. It's possible that he's been stressed at work lately and this might be his way of dealing with it.

 
Old 11-07-2003, 07:17 PM   #3
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What a very well thought out response Thisby. Something did hit me about that too.

Candid, your bf's masturbating habits are affecting your sex time with him. I would be hurt if my hubs preferred a magazine and his own hand more than being with me.

It does sound like he's gotten into a "habit" that might be hard for him to change.

I also masterbate and hubs and I do have sex EVERY night and morning, so I do not feel like my extracurricular masterbation affects our sex time together. I also don't mind if hubs masterbates, but he'd rather share the "juices" with me there, so naturally, he can't get away with it as much as I do.

Yes, hubs does know how often I do it and he's told me the same thing, as long as it doesn't affect US.

 
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