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Old 11-10-2003, 12:19 PM   #1
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need help understanding why men masterbate

the other day i asked the love of my life if he masterbated and he told me yes and i am having a hard time understanding why he needes to do this when he can have sex anytime he wants it. we have a great sex life we are very much happy. my whole life i was told that masterbating was a bad thing to do so maybe that is why i have a hard time with this. i am trying to get passed this but i feel like i am doing something wrong in bed so that is why he has to masterbate i asked him when he does it and why and he said that sometimes men get in the mood for sex and the mood will not go away. so that is when he does it and i asked when cuz we are always together and he told me that alot of the time it is before we have sex so that dod not make since to me cuz if he was in the mood and he masterbated then why have sex after if you can help me understand this and ways to get passed it please do

 
Old 11-10-2003, 03:06 PM   #2
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Men masturbate for the same reason everyone else masturbates.

They masturbate because it feels good, it's convenient, it's clean, there's no worrying about pregnancy or disease, no worry about whether you're properly pleasuring or hurting your partner, no 'goal' other than your own blatant self-gratification. It's cheaper than a valium and you can still drive afterwards, it's a moment to yourself, a private time to do nothing but make yourself happy.

Maybe this is the reason why you have a problem with it? Try probably.

To understand this, understand that sex and masturbation are two very different things, that sex is a two-person job, masturbation is a private moment to forget all your problems. Sex can be awkward and physically demanding, has many different emotional what-ifs attached to it. Masturbation is totally commitment-free. You don't have to phone your hand in the morning.

If you feel like you're doing something wrong in bed, perhaps you should discuss this with your husband. I'm sure he'll tell you the same thing I am -- that it has zero to do with you, and if it does, it's because he's thinking about you while he's masturbating! I would suggest that if you have a huge huge problem with this and you can't get over it, perhaps you should talk to somebody like a counsellor to help figure out how to get around it.

As for masturbating before sex, sometimes the excitement can make men feel inadequate, or like bad lovers, because the anticipation builds and they tend to 'go' very quickly. So they'll masturbate before sex so as to numb themselves up a bit and make things more enjoyable for YOU.

 
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Old 11-10-2003, 05:14 PM   #3
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Virtually all men masturbate. Most men start masturbating as young boys and continue, to varying degrees, throughout their entire lives. While some men decrease the frequency of masturbation once they have a sex partner, others do not. It isn't at all uncommon for a married man to masturbate.

As the previous poster pointed out, men masturbate because it feels great. Married men masturbate for a variety of reasons including just simple, easy, relaxing pleasure without the need to worry whether they are pleasing their partner. Others like to masturbate because they can do it as quickly or as slowly as they like. Some do it because they need to attain orgasm more frequently than their partner wants to have sex.

You wrote that you were brought up to think that masturbation was a bad thing. That is probably why this concerns you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. You say that you have a great sex life together so his masturbating isnt taking away from it. Don't feel that his masturbating is anyway a reflection on your ability to satisfy him...it isn't. Men masturbate...pure and simple.

 
Old 11-10-2003, 09:33 PM   #4
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First love!

I think my wife put it best.

When a boy learns to masturbate it becomes his first love and he falls hard for it. Later when he meets the girl of his dreams, he loves her too. But, he can't give up his first love no matter how hard he tries. So he hides it, denies it and professes his love for her. Deep inside, he knows they must share him and she comes to wonder who else is in her bed with them.

I guess you are wondering if you are second best and if masturbation is preferable for him. So just know he loves you as much as he can, but his first love is still with him, not better than you, not above you, just different. You have to learn to share him a bit with his first love that he can't let go.

Last edited by orion; 11-10-2003 at 09:42 PM.

 
Old 11-10-2003, 09:39 PM   #5
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I should have also added that testosterone is the hormone that drives men to seek solitary sex and oxytocin is the hormone that make him seek out company for sex. The balance between those two hormones determines how he feels about what he is doing. If his testosterone is really high, then he feels like being alone for sex, if his oxytocin is high, he wants company for sex.

No one knows how those two hormones play out, but obviously it is different for each guy and different for each day. However, if a guy has elevated testosterone constantly, then he will want to masturbate frequently.

That is maybe a clinical look at why some guys masturbate so much. Not an excuse, just a reason.

 
Old 11-10-2003, 10:26 PM   #6
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ilaugh@myself.why HB User
i've yet to meet a woman who will give a man sex "whenever he wants"..

masturbation's convenient, and sometimes, it's preferred over going for a walk or reading a magazine. *lol*

 
Old 11-10-2003, 10:56 PM   #7
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Men do it for the same reason women do it. Your first mistake is assuming that it's a male-only thing. The second is that you assume it's a problem. It's neither. Sometimes men want more than one orgasm- simple as that. Sometimes one just isn't enough. I've had great sex and turned around and masturbated five minutes later while she was still cooling down. Men can finish having sex and still want more. It sometimes takes more than once to fully satisfy a man. (Me, anyway.) There's a level of satisfaction unlike any other that only comes from being so spent that you no longer *want* sex. For many men that requires a lot! For me it's after about 5 or 6 orgasms in a day's time. That leaves me on cloud nine for a couple days where all I want to do is cook her meals, clean the house and rub her feet, and I don't even think about sex- it's that completely satisfying.

Have you ever masturbated?

 
Old 11-11-2003, 12:21 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilaugh@myself.why
i've yet to meet a woman who will give a man sex "whenever he wants"..

masturbation's convenient, and sometimes, it's preferred over going for a walk or reading a magazine. *lol*

LOL, now you've met one.

Well, not technically, I guess, I did tell him no ONE time. It was about 2 weeks after surgery & I'd just had 20 staples removed from my abdomen, I was WAY too sore still.....but we did it a few days later.

 
Old 11-11-2003, 12:49 AM   #9
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Hahahhaaa ilaugh@myself, you've just met another one. I give it to my hubs morning, day and night. Thank goodness I'm healthy and willing. He can't afford to masterbate much and does it minimally now that he's getting up in age and orgasm comes harder than before.

Justme, I grew up being told that masterbating is bad too, but really, what is wrong with making yourself feel good? Nothing at all, as a matter of fact, I think it's healthier now. Just as the men that have responded as to why men masterbate, so do some women. It doesn't take anything away from your partner, but if it does, then there's a prob.

I masterbate practically every day and that does NOT take away from my love for my man and the fact that we have sex every day, various times, it's just a different animal altogether.

You should try it, I think it just might turn your hubby on if he knew you did it too. It certainly does spice up our conversations.

 
Old 11-11-2003, 08:16 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faithfulman
Men do it for the same reason women do it. Your first mistake is assuming that it's a male-only thing. The second is that you assume it's a problem. It's neither. Sometimes men want more than one orgasm- simple as that. Sometimes one just isn't enough. I've had great sex and turned around and masturbated five minutes later while she was still cooling down. Men can finish having sex and still want more. It sometimes takes more than once to fully satisfy a man. (Me, anyway.) There's a level of satisfaction unlike any other that only comes from being so spent that you no longer *want* sex. For many men that requires a lot! For me it's after about 5 or 6 orgasms in a day's time. That leaves me on cloud nine for a couple days where all I want to do is cook her meals, clean the house and rub her feet, and I don't even think about sex- it's that completely satisfying.

Have you ever masturbated?

have i ever masterbated? that would be a no and for the msg about you never meeting a girl that will have sex anytime you wanted it well i do i would be happy having sex morning noon and night and we do have sex right at everynight at least a few times

 
Old 11-11-2003, 09:47 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justme1212
have i ever masterbated? that would be a no and for the msg about you never meeting a girl that will have sex anytime you wanted it well i do i would be happy having sex morning noon and night and we do have sex right at everynight at least a few times
Well the fact that you've never tried masturbation is probably a major factor in your confusion about it. Masturbation is not soley a substitute for sex. That idea is what fosters so much animosity between couples. Masturbation can be simply a way to relieve stress, or enjoy a private moment. Not have to worry about anything or anyone except yourself. It doesn't mean your husband wants you any less, or wants sex any less. It simply means that at some points he needs time to himself.
It is very similar to time spent together as a couple. Ask any couple what the secret to staying together is and most will tell you : Time apart. Alone time helps to keep the relationship and the 'together' time fresh.
The same with sex. Sometimes you need 'alone' time.

It might be difficult to understand since you said you've never tried masturbation. My suggestion to you: close yourself off one evening, unplug the phone, lock the door and explore and enjoy yourself. You may be surprised at what you find. And I'd wager more than even odds it will improve your sex life.

 
Old 11-12-2003, 09:12 AM   #12
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It's an addiction @_@ and he probably wont stop.

 
Old 11-12-2003, 12:10 PM   #13
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An addiction? I don't know about that.... there are an awful lot of addicts out there then. To the original poster: Don't worry about it... in my opinion, it's not a substitute for sex with you... sometimes it's not about sex at all-- it's more like scratching an itch.

 
Old 11-12-2003, 03:06 PM   #14
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ilaugh@myself.why HB User
whoa!
my first spotting of the rare uninympho! *lol* just playing..

i've never had that pleasure in past relationships.. too many time constraints and the like.

 
Old 11-12-2003, 03:21 PM   #15
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oralbasher HB User
Why do men masturbate?
  • Because we can.
  • Because we don't have to talk to our hand.
  • Because we don't have to cuddle with our hand.
  • Because we don't have to tell our hand what we're thinking every 2 seconds.
  • Because our hand will give it to us when we want it.
  • Because our hand will go as fast or as slow as we like.
  • Because our hand doesn't say, "I don't like to do that. That's disgusting."

Boy, I could go on forever.

Now, I pose this question to you....

Why, oh why, is water wet?

 
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