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Old 11-22-2003, 02:16 PM   #1
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Telling you SO about other hot people?

I was wondering about everyone's opinions with telling your SO when you think someone else is hot.

I try not to be a jealous girlfriend and for a long time I haven't cared when my boyfriend talks about hot celebrities since I do also. I don't care when he talks about hot friends of ours. But recently he talks more and more about how hot come girls were at his camp, or how hot this girl and her friends were when he helped this girl move.

I talk about my celebrity crushes or a hot guy in a mag sometimes, but I never tell him how I think a guy in class or a friend's topless brother is hot. Even when I do think the'yre hot, I don't mention it.

Another issue is that he looks at porn and I feel like he compares me to these gorgeous girls. He told me the other day that is some really hot girl like Britney Spears was "all up on him", he wouldn't know if he could hold himself back. That really ****** me off and hurt me. I mean that's going further than one of us just talking about hot pictures.

Do you think I am overreacting, or if it is reasonable for me to want him to stop talking about other girls so much?

P.S. I know that he loves me and he tells me that I'm beautiful, so I'm not really worried about the issue of him cheating on me, it's more the issue of making me feel ugly and insecure.

 
Old 11-22-2003, 03:47 PM   #2
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

Most all men will look, but it is a bit immature to do as he is doing. Tell him that while you don't mind him looking so much, but that his comments about real people he interacts with (as opposed to fantasy people on TV or in magazines), hurts you.

As for porn, men generally are not comparing the models with the SO's all that much. Looking at it a little bit is probably ok, but if he is obsessive about it and masturbates so much that it interferes with your own time together, then you may need to have a talk with him.

 
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Old 11-22-2003, 03:56 PM   #3
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by swallowgoldfish
I was wondering about everyone's opinions with telling your SO when you think someone else is hot.

I try not to be a jealous girlfriend and for a long time I haven't cared when my boyfriend talks about hot celebrities since I do also. I don't care when he talks about hot friends of ours. But recently he talks more and more about how hot come girls were at his camp, or how hot this girl and her friends were when he helped this girl move.

I talk about my celebrity crushes or a hot guy in a mag sometimes, but I never tell him how I think a guy in class or a friend's topless brother is hot. Even when I do think the'yre hot, I don't mention it.

Another issue is that he looks at porn and I feel like he compares me to these gorgeous girls. He told me the other day that is some really hot girl like Britney Spears was "all up on him", he wouldn't know if he could hold himself back. That really ****** me off and hurt me. I mean that's going further than one of us just talking about hot pictures.

Do you think I am overreacting, or if it is reasonable for me to want him to stop talking about other girls so much?

P.S. I know that he loves me and he tells me that I'm beautiful, so I'm not really worried about the issue of him cheating on me, it's more the issue of making me feel ugly and insecure.


no thats not okay. why does he think he deserves to make you feel that way. tell him how you feel. that it hurts you when he says stuff like that. if he doesnt listen, start talking about how FRICKIN HOT every guy you see is. he'll get the point

 
Old 11-22-2003, 09:05 PM   #4
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

well. if you want a guy's opinion, it sounds like he over-does it badly.

occasionally commenting on a woman's attractiveness would be aright i think..
but talking about all those women and telling you how hot he thinks they are that often, doesn't sound right.. i also get the impression that he's quite convincing, so maybe a little too honest.

and his comment about not knowing if he could hold back from a Britney Spears look alike is just plain ignorant..

if he's not joking it's way way outta step.. if it's joking, then it's old, and getting kinda inconsiderate..

tell him how sad it makes you.. don't tell him you get jealous tho, as that might be his whole reason he's doing this.. it might be his way of reassuring himself that you luv him.

just be careful to avoid a big fight.. if he doesn't respect your feelings then i'd suggest taking some time off from him.

-Ryan

 
Old 11-22-2003, 09:56 PM   #5
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

Tell him what I told my husband before we were married, "You can look if you want, but I don't want to hear about it". I told him this one day when he and a buddy were commenting about a girl right in front of me. He has never mentioned, to me directly, that he thought a girl was hot(with the exception of girls in the media and I have long since given up ever looking like that).

I think of it as window shopping! You can look but that's all! Most women, or men for that matter, don't want to hear how hot their SO thinks someone else is because it does a number on our self esteem(it's like, "gee ,thanks, what am I chopped liver?). Alot of women have body image problems as it is and it really hurts to hear that your SO thinks that the girl across the room is hot and it is worse when someone is insensitive enough to say it to your face! I think what your SO does is horrible and shows total disrespect to you. Remind him that your are his girlfriend not his buddy and that the comments he makes make you uncomfortable.

You also have every right to be angry with him about the Britney all up on him comment, that was just plain ignorant! Now I can tell you that I would never pass up dinner with a celebrity hottie, but I would never say something like that to my husband, not even in a heated argument! Tell your boyfriend that you really didn't need to know that he would drop you in a heartbeat for the first hot chick that opens her legs!

 
Old 11-22-2003, 10:19 PM   #6
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

I have to agree with the points which ilaugh made. Some people have a habit of speaking their thoughts too honestly. He probably wouldn't act on anything he says, but rather than keeping certain comments to himself or softening them so that your feelings don't get hurt, he just comes out and says it the way he is thinking it at the time. He very likely doesnt even realise how much he is hurting your emotions.

Some things are fine to "think" but not necessarily to "say" or if you do have to say them, there are better ways of saying them. On the other hand, maybe he is so comfortable within your relationship that he doesnt see a problem with his blatant honesty. So i agree, don't start an arguement by accusing him of wanting to cheat, but speak to him nicely on how the things he says hurt your feelings and make you feel less desirable.

 
Old 11-24-2003, 03:05 PM   #7
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

Thank you Swallow for this post. I too have been wondering how normal it is for my husband to be telling me how he thinks certain women are "desireable."

I showed this thread to him and he apologized for the years that he's been doing that. I told him it does tear me down, hurts, and it is inconsiderate of him. He explained that he would never act on anything, just likes to look and thought he was being good about not keeping secrets from me. He agreed to tone it down radically.

So thanks Swallow.

 
Old 11-24-2003, 04:27 PM   #8
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Wink Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladee
Thank you Swallow for this post. I too have been wondering how normal it is for my husband to be telling me how he thinks certain women are "desireable."

I showed this thread to him and he apologized for the years that he's been doing that. I told him it does tear me down, hurts, and it is inconsiderate of him. He explained that he would never act on anything, just likes to look and thought he was being good about not keeping secrets from me. He agreed to tone it down radically.

So thanks Swallow.
You're welcome Ladee! I'm glad your husband is making you feel better now. My boyfriend felt really bad about the Britney Spears comment as well. I think that he feels the same way and thinks that it is better to be honest and tell me when he thinks other girls are hot so that he doesn't have to live with the guilt of secretly feeling it. But sometimes it IS better kept as secret.

 
Old 11-24-2003, 06:12 PM   #9
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

Swallow, it's funny how they think they're being honest and that it shouldn't hurt. I agree, he can keep it to himself--like I do. You hit it on the head, he doesn't want to feel the guilt of thinking that he's keeping secrets, so he tells me. Let's see how long it lasts.

 
Old 12-25-2003, 04:26 AM   #10
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

instead of him commenting on other women that dont belong to him, he should focus on more of what is his (you) and start treating you like a perty girl

 
Old 12-27-2003, 06:16 AM   #11
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

[QUOTE=swallowgoldfish] He told me the other day that is some really hot girl like Britney Spears was "all up on him", he wouldn't know if he could hold himself back. QUOTE]
I have to say that if a person makes a comment like this do you really trust them. My wife and I make comments about actors, singer and what not, but I would never say anything like that, one because to me there is no one else more beautiful than my wife. It doesn't sound like he feels this way about you. Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that the guy loves you, but it would mane me question how deep his love is. Even if I felt that way about another person I could never say that in front of my wife because I could not bear to hurt her like that. I don't think it is normal for a person to say something like this, and it would make me question their love and loyalty to me as well. I think you need to have a heart to heart with yourself and figure out if this is something that you really want out of life, but you also need to have a talk with him and let him know how you feel and maybe make your decision from there.
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Last edited by Eclipse1; 12-27-2003 at 06:17 AM.

 
Old 12-28-2003, 04:25 PM   #12
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eclipse1
I have to say that if a person makes a comment like this do you really trust them. My wife and I make comments about actors, singer and what not, but I would never say anything like that, one because to me there is no one else more beautiful than my wife. It doesn't sound like he feels this way about you. Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that the guy loves you, but it would mane me question how deep his love is. Even if I felt that way about another person I could never say that in front of my wife because I could not bear to hurt her like that. I don't think it is normal for a person to say something like this, and it would make me question their love and loyalty to me as well. I think you need to have a heart to heart with yourself and figure out if this is something that you really want out of life, but you also need to have a talk with him and let him know how you feel and maybe make your decision from there.
Do you think that age and maturity play a factor? My boyfriend and I are both just college freshmen so I don't know, maybe guys can't control their hormones and looking at other girls as much as this age? It's not that I worry about him cheating on me, it's just that he seems to think it's normal to talk about other hot girls in front of me because he thinks that I know it doesn't mean anything to him.

He'll just talk about girls from high school with his old high school friends and be like "oh man, so and so was SOOOO hot, she was SOOOO gorgeous!"

I mean he tells me that I'm beautiful, and that he loves me, and I think he feels that that is much more important than someone being hot. But sometimes I want to be "hot" too. Sometimes I want to feel like a guy thinks I'm "sooooo hot!"

I know I'm not unattrative, plently of guys have hit on me, and I've never felt like I wasn't good enough looking before.

Sometimes by boyfriend says he doesn't understand why girls are so self conscious and why they care what guys think of them, and it just pisses me off because I've never been insecure about my looks, it's only since him that I've started to not feel good enough.

 
Old 12-29-2003, 03:20 AM   #13
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Re: Telling you SO about other hot people?

swallowgoldfish......... It's not that you have issues regarding your looks or your self esteem, it's due to the fact that you really love and care for this particular guy. Often when somebody we love makes an unfortunately wrong comment, it sticks with us for a very long time and creates issues where previously there were none. He's obviously very comfortable within your relationship, otherwise he'd not be saying these types of things. He also wouldn't have a clue how deeply his comments have affected you.

 
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