My guy wont have sex with me anymore. He said he's tired and to leave him alone. I would say we have sex 3 times a year. I'm 43 he's 50....what does this mean, men?? I am not over weight...and I am pretty. We are engaged to be married and I'm thinking-----why am I getting married to him??? Thanks..Gina
hmmm most people reading this would be thinking 'what a man turning down sex'?! but in my opinion it is probably your impending marriage that's sent his libido running for its life. most women find entering into marriage the most exciting time of their lives. they get the big wedding and spend months preparing for a blissful life together. unfortunately, although it's the men who propose in most cases, men are more liklely to view marriage as the ball and chain, especially the closer the ceremony gets. that's it, no more freedom, the nagging'll start, the sex will stop then there'll be kids and hence no life at all! i think you should sit down and talk to him about this. when men are about to get married their friends constantly joke bout giving up their freedom and they're being tied down so it's understandable they think they're heading for hell on earth.
stress is a major factor in reduced sex levels, so ask yourself is he having problems at work or within the family.he may be down because of his age. i'm sceptical about mid-life crisis and male menopause but i know that it's fesable that they happen in some cases ie 50 year old man finally has the money to buy the motorcycle he dreamed of when he was 17 so he buys it and becomes a dangerous nusiance on the road cos he thinks he's a teenager again!
My guy wont have sex with me anymore. He said he's tired and to leave him alone. I would say we have sex 3 times a year. I'm 43 he's 50....what does this mean, men?? I am not over weight...and I am pretty. We are engaged to be married and I'm thinking-----why am I getting married to him??? Thanks..Gina
Hi Gina
I had a similar problem with my boyfriend he told me he was tired, any way it turned out he had some hang ups about his body which he didn't want me to know about, hence the tired excuse.
Also are you saying that you are not sure you want to marry him? Because believe it or not blokes have feelings too, and if some one was constantly saying "oh I don't think we should be getting married" or " I don't know why I married you" would you want to make love to them? The only advice that can be given really is arrange a meal turn the telly off, and talk, without getting angry or upset, and try and understand what he is feeling lately, put your only feelings aside, and listen to him, you don't have to agree with him, but don't put your 2p worth in by saying "well its your fault because you do X, Y,and Z," just listen, because if he feels a certain way no amount of arguing or disagreeing with him will change his feelings, and you may be able to find out if there are any hidden problems in the relationship which need addressing. Lack of sex isn't the cause of relationship break downs its usually a symptom. Or he may well be tired or a little depressed lately which is putting him off the act. Hope this make sense trying to type all this before my boss catches me.
Best of Luck
I just wanted to add a few missing things---we have been engaged for 7 years with no date to be married--his choice. I think I dont want to marry him anymore as he is reluctant to set a date and I don't want to marry a man that makes me beg for a wedding date. He's never been married. I guess he never was really into the sex thing so I shouldn't be suprised but it just seems strange.......and no he's not cheating on me..so I'll have to get some help with this matter!!! ty all!!!!!!!
He may have some medical condition that is affecting his sex drive. As it appears you both do have things in common that have kept you together, you might insist he see a doctor to find out if something physical is wrong (you go with him to make sure he really discusses this issue). If he refuses, then you have to decide how important sex is in your relationship, and if he is the type of man who treats you so well that the benefits of having him in a sexless, non-married relationship is worth it.
is it possible he may be gay, being he seems to lack interest in women? if not then id say he may have some medical condition that has stolen his drive. id go to a therapist if hes willing.
He's not gay....his health is fine!!!!!!!!!I think he's bored with me after 7 years!!!!!! Same old...same old! You guys have given me alot of things to think about!!!!!Thank you for all your help.TY...Gina
well....he is 50, and a 50 year old man working full time doing whatever job can produce stress, and tiredness. His libido could be gone due to his work environment.
well....he is 50, and a 50 year old man working full time doing whatever job can produce stress, and tiredness. His libido could be gone due to his work environment.
Not always.
At 50 I had a very high stress job, it was a job that I lived 24 hours a day. Also jogged 5 miles a day.
No effect on my sex life... always once a day and sometimes twice.
But maybe I was abnormal.
Not always.
At 50 I had a very high stress job, it was a job that I lived 24 hours a day. Also jogged 5 miles a day.
No effect on my sex life... always once a day and sometimes twice.
But maybe I was abnormal.
Lelu.. Thank you for that answer. It says alot. I happen to agree with you. He just doesnt find me attractive or isn't turned on anymore. I have to accept it. Thank you.......Gina Ann
From a male perspective, I would suspect several things. First, is he a procastinator in everything he does? Next, Has he become lazy in everything, such that he doesn't want to extend the energy for sex?
I find it awful ironic that a woman is in search of answers about her boyfriend and his lack of sex and the things that are thrown out are:
that he's cheating, he's gay, he's stressed, etc.
I have never heard anyone ask if a woman was gay cause she didn't want sex from her husband.
My opinion, he's comfortable where he is and so lazy he doesn't even want to put forth the effort to marry a great woman or satisfy some of her physical needs in the relationship.
Brohan,
Thank you for your input! I think you 100% correct. He is lazy. When he's at work he's a very successful business man but by the time he get's home hes dead. I have been the aggresior lately and its paying off! Thanks for your help!!! Gina
Faith....In all honesty I don't agree with you as I am engaged to be married and if we have no sex life now what will happen down the road??? If I want sex and he doesn't ...we are not compatiable. Why get married and end up frustrated and unhappy??? Gina
I agree 100% with your latest reply. Bottom line, some people are passionate and enjoy that physical part of a relationship. I will be the first to point out that a marriage or relationship should never be all about sex, but if that is an important part of your life, you shouldn't just have to settle for nothing. The fact that he wanted it at one point and now he doesn't seems to only provide mixed signals. I am curious, this is just one issue that you see isn't it? Has he become totally lazy with other things, like going out and doing other things with you? Don't get me wrong, If you have a great guy, hope you can talk (lack of talking being the key to most problems) and work it out.
A loss of sexual self-confidence in many males who are in long-term relationships is at the root of many problems. Traditionally, men have generally been the initiators and the pursurers of sex, especially during the early stages of relationships. As such, men tend to experience what seems to them like "rejection" more frequently than women ("sorry, I'm too tired tonight" or non-verbal signals from the woman that she isn't interested in, or satisfied with sex at various times). Each instance is mentally "noted" whether the guy says anything or not!
Eventually, the cycle of trying to initiate, but being turned down, or actually engaging in sex, but sensing one's partner is dissatisfied, takes a cumulative toll on the male psyche. This, coupled with the insidious effects of aging on desire and libido, lead some men to the conclusion that sex with one's preferred partner just isn't worth it anymore. However, as long as other aspects of the relationship are satisfactory, these males often decide to stay with their partners unless or until the partners themselves indicate they want to break off the relationship.
While these males may prefer a sexually passionate relationship over a platonic one, they often realize that they can be "content" without the aggravation of sexually pursuing a partner who, from past experiences, has been less-than-responsive (as they perceive it, regardless of whether their views are truly accurate or not) to their sexual overtures as the relationship matures.
While this is no means the sole reason behind males appearing uninterested in sex with their partners over time, my gut tells me it is the predominant one. It is also my belief that because of the damage to their psyches and egos, these guys are the ones least likely to seek out extramarital/outside-the-relationship sex because they already feel like sexual failures, and the thing they fear most is another "failed" sexual experience with a different woman that would further confirm the belief they are sexual failures.
Some nice points in a rather nice wrapped wording. I am sorry I didn't catch whether you were male or female? Anyrate, I think there are some valid key points there. I would have to disagree with:
"It is also my belief that because of the damage to their psyches and egos, these guys are the ones least likely to seek out extramarital/outside-the-relationship sex because they already feel like sexual failures, and the thing they fear most is another "failed" sexual experience with a different woman that would further confirm the belief they are sexual failures."
While I understand this is your opinion, mine is definitely varied from this statment. I think that it falls more into typically three categories.
1. Men who fall into the same routine and become comfortable with the relationship
not necessarily as sexual failures.
2. Those who find things unacceptable, work with their partner, communicate, and find a happy medium.
3. Men who tire and won't find this behavior acceptable. There will typically be several other factors, but eventually they stray from the marriage and find someone else. This scenario may actually lead to divorce or separation before the man finds another partner.
I would just plain ask him face to face over dinner when it is just the 2 of you and he has no choice but to answer"do you want to marry me" and if he says yes then say "ok lets set a date then" if you meet with resistance then you know that he is unwilling to actually make the commitment. I went through the same thing with my ex boyfriend-he would never really answer me the way I needed and would dance around the question so I said"I want to get married at some point-not tomorrow but I would like to know it is eventually going to happen-can you honestly tell me that it will happen?" and finally he said "no I can't" and you know what that hurt much less than the endless waiting for 3 years! I actually thanked him for being honest and told him that I need to be with someone who wants what I do. we split up on pretty good terms-I guess as good as they could be??-well good luck- the slayer....oh and now I'm on my my 4th year of marriage to such a great guy! He did me favor!...I really hope things work out for you!
I agree 100% with your latest reply. Bottom line, some people are passionate and enjoy that physical part of a relationship. I will be the first to point out that a marriage or relationship should never be all about sex, but if that is an important part of your life, you shouldn't just have to settle for nothing. The fact that he wanted it at one point and now he doesn't seems to only provide mixed signals. I am curious, this is just one issue that you see isn't it? Has he become totally lazy with other things, like going out and doing other things with you? Don't get me wrong, If you have a great guy, hope you can talk (lack of talking being the key to most problems) and work it out.
Greatest luck and hope for you both,
Brohan[
Brohan, Thank you for a very insightful reply. Your right he does almost nothing with me any more, If I want to go out at night he won't come with me or even let me go alone. I am having relationship problems other than the no sex thing. I think the no sex thing is just the breaking point for me. I have to think about this . Thank you !!! Gina
No Sex for me!!! 
I'll have to get some help with this matter!!! ty all!!!!!!!
you for all your help.TY...Gina
Re: No Sex for me!!! 
