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Old 11-28-2003, 01:54 AM   #1
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GinaAnn HB User
Angry No Sex for me!!!

My guy wont have sex with me anymore. He said he's tired and to leave him alone. I would say we have sex 3 times a year. I'm 43 he's 50....what does this mean, men?? I am not over weight...and I am pretty. We are engaged to be married and I'm thinking-----why am I getting married to him??? Thanks..Gina

 
Old 11-28-2003, 04:47 AM   #2
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raspberry HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

hmmm most people reading this would be thinking 'what a man turning down sex'?! but in my opinion it is probably your impending marriage that's sent his libido running for its life. most women find entering into marriage the most exciting time of their lives. they get the big wedding and spend months preparing for a blissful life together. unfortunately, although it's the men who propose in most cases, men are more liklely to view marriage as the ball and chain, especially the closer the ceremony gets. that's it, no more freedom, the nagging'll start, the sex will stop then there'll be kids and hence no life at all! i think you should sit down and talk to him about this. when men are about to get married their friends constantly joke bout giving up their freedom and they're being tied down so it's understandable they think they're heading for hell on earth.

stress is a major factor in reduced sex levels, so ask yourself is he having problems at work or within the family.he may be down because of his age. i'm sceptical about mid-life crisis and male menopause but i know that it's fesable that they happen in some cases ie 50 year old man finally has the money to buy the motorcycle he dreamed of when he was 17 so he buys it and becomes a dangerous nusiance on the road cos he thinks he's a teenager again!

good luck

 
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Old 11-28-2003, 05:23 AM   #3
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Teressa64 HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GinaAnn
My guy wont have sex with me anymore. He said he's tired and to leave him alone. I would say we have sex 3 times a year. I'm 43 he's 50....what does this mean, men?? I am not over weight...and I am pretty. We are engaged to be married and I'm thinking-----why am I getting married to him??? Thanks..Gina
Hi Gina


I had a similar problem with my boyfriend he told me he was tired, any way it turned out he had some hang ups about his body which he didn't want me to know about, hence the tired excuse.

Also are you saying that you are not sure you want to marry him? Because believe it or not blokes have feelings too, and if some one was constantly saying "oh I don't think we should be getting married" or " I don't know why I married you" would you want to make love to them? The only advice that can be given really is arrange a meal turn the telly off, and talk, without getting angry or upset, and try and understand what he is feeling lately, put your only feelings aside, and listen to him, you don't have to agree with him, but don't put your 2p worth in by saying "well its your fault because you do X, Y,and Z," just listen, because if he feels a certain way no amount of arguing or disagreeing with him will change his feelings, and you may be able to find out if there are any hidden problems in the relationship which need addressing. Lack of sex isn't the cause of relationship break downs its usually a symptom. Or he may well be tired or a little depressed lately which is putting him off the act. Hope this make sense trying to type all this before my boss catches me.
Best of Luck

 
Old 11-28-2003, 05:35 AM   #4
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GinaAnn HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

I just wanted to add a few missing things---we have been engaged for 7 years with no date to be married--his choice. I think I dont want to marry him anymore as he is reluctant to set a date and I don't want to marry a man that makes me beg for a wedding date. He's never been married. I guess he never was really into the sex thing so I shouldn't be suprised but it just seems strange.......and no he's not cheating on me..so I'll have to get some help with this matter!!! ty all!!!!!!!

 
Old 11-28-2003, 05:46 AM   #5
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Teressa64 HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

Do you still love him, could you both see a relationship counselling services? It must be frustrating in every sense of the word.

 
Old 11-28-2003, 09:01 AM   #6
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lelu HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

Agree.... Gina, why do you want to marry him?

After 7 years and he doesn't set a date.... Sorry to break the news but he will never marry you.
(I knew my wife 6 weeks before I married her)

Sex 3 times a year!!!

Don't waste any more time on him, get you a new boyfriend, preferable one closer to your age. Although age is not his problem.

You deserve so much better. Life with marriage can be so great.

Good luck.

 
Old 11-28-2003, 05:44 PM   #7
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Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

He may have some medical condition that is affecting his sex drive. As it appears you both do have things in common that have kept you together, you might insist he see a doctor to find out if something physical is wrong (you go with him to make sure he really discusses this issue). If he refuses, then you have to decide how important sex is in your relationship, and if he is the type of man who treats you so well that the benefits of having him in a sexless, non-married relationship is worth it.

 
Old 11-30-2003, 09:45 AM   #8
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fairiegoddess HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

is it possible he may be gay, being he seems to lack interest in women? if not then id say he may have some medical condition that has stolen his drive. id go to a therapist if hes willing.

 
Old 12-01-2003, 02:47 PM   #9
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GinaAnn HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

He's not gay....his health is fine!!!!!!!!!I think he's bored with me after 7 years!!!!!! Same old...same old! You guys have given me alot of things to think about!!!!!Thank you for all your help.TY...Gina

 
Old 12-25-2003, 04:19 AM   #10
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grracne HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

well....he is 50, and a 50 year old man working full time doing whatever job can produce stress, and tiredness. His libido could be gone due to his work environment.

 
Old 12-25-2003, 06:55 AM   #11
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lelu HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by grracne
well....he is 50, and a 50 year old man working full time doing whatever job can produce stress, and tiredness. His libido could be gone due to his work environment.
Not always.
At 50 I had a very high stress job, it was a job that I lived 24 hours a day. Also jogged 5 miles a day.
No effect on my sex life... always once a day and sometimes twice.
But maybe I was abnormal.

 
Old 01-03-2004, 03:13 AM   #12
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GinaAnn HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lelu
Not always.
At 50 I had a very high stress job, it was a job that I lived 24 hours a day. Also jogged 5 miles a day.
No effect on my sex life... always once a day and sometimes twice.
But maybe I was abnormal.
Lelu.. Thank you for that answer. It says alot. I happen to agree with you. He just doesnt find me attractive or isn't turned on anymore. I have to accept it. Thank you.......Gina Ann

 
Old 02-04-2004, 02:51 PM   #13
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Brohan HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

GinaAnn,

From a male perspective, I would suspect several things. First, is he a procastinator in everything he does? Next, Has he become lazy in everything, such that he doesn't want to extend the energy for sex?

I find it awful ironic that a woman is in search of answers about her boyfriend and his lack of sex and the things that are thrown out are:
that he's cheating, he's gay, he's stressed, etc.

I have never heard anyone ask if a woman was gay cause she didn't want sex from her husband.

My opinion, he's comfortable where he is and so lazy he doesn't even want to put forth the effort to marry a great woman or satisfy some of her physical needs in the relationship.

 
Old 02-07-2004, 12:15 AM   #14
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GinaAnn HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

Brohan,
Thank you for your input! I think you 100% correct. He is lazy. When he's at work he's a very successful business man but by the time he get's home hes dead. I have been the aggresior lately and its paying off! Thanks for your help!!! Gina

 
Old 02-10-2004, 01:43 AM   #15
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GinaAnn HB User
Re: No Sex for me!!!

Faith....In all honesty I don't agree with you as I am engaged to be married and if we have no sex life now what will happen down the road??? If I want sex and he doesn't ...we are not compatiable. Why get married and end up frustrated and unhappy??? Gina

 
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