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Old 12-03-2003, 11:20 AM   #1
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yomama HB User
Sex and ADD and wandering eye

I'm pretty new to this board, so I hope I don't post something that I shouldn't. I had gone my whole life up until last year always wondering what was wrong with me. I always felt different from everyone else and had (still have) trouble with concentrating on things, and the list goes on and on. I am now 47 and finally found out from a psychologist that I have ADD. I've tried Ritalin, Adderall, and Methadrine (or something like that, I forget), but I never noticed a difference taking any of them. I do not have a job because it's hard for me to deal with things, so as a result, it's hard for us financially. As if the concentration and other problems aren't bad enough, now lately it's this sex thing....I'm kind of embarrassed to talk with anyone about this, so I thought I'd ask it here...is it normal for a person with ADD to think about sex a lot? I guess it's normal for a guy to think about that pretty often, but I'm a woman! I'm married to a guy who loves me, and I love him, but lately it's bothering me more and more that he isn't into oral sex. I perform it on him, but he very seldom does with me, and I just feel a need for it. I think about sex a lot, even to the point of thinking about having an affair, especially with a younger guy. I also seem to have this preoccupation with thinking about doing it with someone who isn't circumsized. I've never experienced that and can't help wondering what it's like, if it's any different than having sex with someone who's circumsized. I'm probably coming off as sounding like some kind of a bed hopper, but in the 23-1/2 years that my husband and I have been married, I've never cheated on him. The way I've been thinking lately, though, I think if the right opportunity would come along, I would. This is all very upsetting to me because I shouldn't be feeling this way when I have a husband who loves me and I love him, but things that he's been doing lately have just been turning me off. Maybe I'm going through a mid-life crisis, but he definitely is. He's 51 years old and just got his ears pierced, two in each ear. He's been dressing differently and trying to act so young and cool. He's gone back to college, which there's nothing wrong with that, but it just fits in with everything else that he's been doing, the big change. He's been so fanatical about his body, even to the point where I think he'd take hormones if he could. He complains that no matter how much he works out, he's not getting to the point where he'd like to be. His attitude lately just goes against me, and maybe that's why I feel like I'm getting a wandering eye. I don't know if it's him or the ADD making me this way, but I don't know what to do. I originally started posting this to the ADD board, but since it has pretty much to do with sex, I thought I'd be better to post it here. Thanks!

 
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Old 12-03-2003, 01:01 PM   #2
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Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

Now I really don't know much about ADD, but it sounds like it's more your actual relationship with your husband that is bothering you than the ADD. You should definately talk to him about maybe giving you oral sex more often, or just comment about how much you would like it. The things you are talking about sound very common to couples without ADD, so I think it's more important that you talk to him about your feelings before you come to the conclusion that it's the fault of ADD.

 
Old 12-04-2003, 08:08 AM   #3
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Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

Thanks for your reply. Maybe I should have mentioned that I already did try talking to my husband about the oral and it didn't do any good. He said if he feels like it he'll do it and that he doesn't like being told about it. The problem is that he VERY seldom feels like it. He gets upset with me when I even bring up the subject. The other night I was even hinting around about it and said how I was extra nice and clean, but then he got mad and said he shouldn't be made to feel like he has to do oral. I'm even afraid to bring up the subject anymore now actually because of what I know his reaction will be. I guess I can probably look forward to this the rest of my lifetime with him the way it looks.

 
Old 12-04-2003, 05:34 PM   #4
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Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

Quote:
Originally Posted by yomama
Thanks for your reply. Maybe I should have mentioned that I already did try talking to my husband about the oral and it didn't do any good. He said if he feels like it he'll do it and that he doesn't like being told about it. The problem is that he VERY seldom feels like it. He gets upset with me when I even bring up the subject. The other night I was even hinting around about it and said how I was extra nice and clean, but then he got mad and said he shouldn't be made to feel like he has to do oral. I'm even afraid to bring up the subject anymore now actually because of what I know his reaction will be. I guess I can probably look forward to this the rest of my lifetime with him the way it looks.

Well...maybe he just doesn't like giving oral? I mean just until recently I really didn't like giving my boyfriend head because I thought it was gross and I hated it when he would ask for it. Somehow I started to get turned on by the idea of it and when I initiated it myself, I liked it a lot more than when he asked for it. Anyway, I know plently of girls who don't like giving oral, so maybe your husband just isn't a guy who likes cunnilingus? Maybe it's not you and he just doesn't like to do it...

Maybe it's a turn off to him because he feels that you are pressing him for sex. I know that sounds weird from a guy, but I don't know, when I'm not in the mood for it and my boyfriend really wants it, I get kinda annoyed that he asks for it so much.

Again I'm not sure why he is acting this way, but your feelings are perfectly normal and it doesn't sound like it is due to the ADD. Maybe he should go to the doctor and get tested for hormone balance, or maybe get a prescription for viagra?

 
Old 12-09-2003, 11:51 AM   #5
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yomama HB User
Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

I was just wondering...isn't Viagara just to get an erection? I really don't know for sure, so I thought I'd ask. He doesn't have trouble with that, he just doesn't like doing the oral thing. I don't know if he'd go and get tested for a hormone imbalance or not. He'd probably wonder why I'm mentioning it, and if it's because of the oral thing, he'd probably say that now I'm being ridiculous or something like that.

 
Old 12-09-2003, 03:08 PM   #6
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Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

I am concerned about his mid-life change. Going to college, the sudden concern about his body and looks....is it possible he is having an affair himself, or hoping to have one?

Even if not, there is no way to force him to give you oral. We tell the females here that guys can't force them to give oral, so we have to give the women the same advice. While some might advise that you cut off oral sex on him, I would not do that quite yet. If he likes it, then give him more of it then, perhaps out of guilt, he will be more willing to give it to you. He may find it really isn't all that bad. If that fails, then go on and cut him off.

 
Old 12-09-2003, 05:59 PM   #7
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yomama HB User
Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

Magnetic, I join you in being concerned about his mid-life change; he's just really different from what he used to be, and I really don't know what's up with that. No, I don't think he's having an affair; for one thing, he definitely doesn't have time for that. Also, I just kind of think that I could tell if he were having one...of course, I suppose there are lots of wives out there who have thought the same thing and were fooled. As far as his having an affair in the future, well, one can never tell, huh? I hope he doesn't think that some 18-22 year old chick is going to become attracted to him.
As far as the oral, I wouldn't attempt to force him to do oral, although I really do get upset that he's not up for doing it. I have more or less dropped suggesting to him to do it because it just makes him mad when I bring up the subject. I kind of doubt that the guilt thing would work with him actually. I've tried that with different things in the past (not even related to sex), and I've heard, "If you're trying to make me feel guilty, it's not going to work." About cutting him off at some point, gosh, I think I'd be punishing myself as much as I would him because I bet I like it about as much as he does!

 
Old 12-10-2003, 04:30 AM   #8
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Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

Sounds like you both just need some fresh spice in your relationship with each other. For as long as you've been together it's quite normal for things to get a bit stale. Seems he's looking to be around some fresh looks, both in himself and the people he's around. And you also seem ready for something new so maybe your should think about putting on a fresh new look too. Without knowing what you're like, maybe you can do some of the things more popular in younger women. Maybe adopt a new hair style, clothes, shoes, be more physically active, etc. And especially if you want more oral if you don't already shave, or very tightly trim your pubic hair, I would suggest that too. How about adding some toys to the bedroom? If you or he is willing to open up then sharing fantasies can be quite stimulating too.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 10:42 AM   #9
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yomama HB User
Re: Sex and ADD and wandering eye

Well, I have put on a little weight over the years and don't know if that fact would turn him off in the bedroom doing oral, but it's not like I'm that much overweight. He never says anything about it, but maybe seeing my thighs, which are slightly bigger than 23 years ago, is a turnoff, and that's why he doesn't do it? Of course, he never did like doing it, so I don't think that my changing in any way would have made a difference to him anyway. That makes me wonder if my changing anything about me now would even make him change his attitude about doing oral. I have been going to the gym in an attempt to better my health and the looks of my body, because I'm really not happy with the way it is now after all these years. Yep, I've already tried trimming my pubic hair, and that didn't help either. Toys? Um, I think I'd be too embarrassed because I'm just not into that stuff and I know he wouldn't be either. Same thing with the fantasies, we're just not very verbal when it comes to talking about sex. I just think I'm doomed to a life of non-oral, plain and simple. I'll give what you said some thought though. Thanks.

 
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