My boyfriend and I have lived together for 3 years. Our sexual relationship was very healthy, frequent, wonderful, etc. About 1 year ago I noticed sex was getting lesser & lesser. Now, it's almost non-existant. I had always wanted it more... until the past few months, and now I have no desire either. We are both stressed out to the maximum... work issues, money problems, family issues, life in general... so there are definately some things here that are killing our desire.
We've talked about it... we love eachother, don't want to be with anyone else... don't want to have sex with anyone else. We are affectionate, we do have fun together... It's just that we happen to now be, both just bummed out & trying to hang in there and make things go as best as possible in all aspects of life. His lack of interest in sex came far before mine... now it's me too. I'm 29 and he is 31. I know this is not normal, but i am sure it is not unheard of.
Any advise? I would appreciate it, immensely.
I'm not sure if this will work, but try different sexy techniques, like maybe slowly taking each other's clotes off one article at a time. Something to heighten the suspense. Or maybe try having sex in a place besides your bedroom--try the kitchen, living room, something. It may help you feel more sexually liberated.
My husband and I are in the same boat. I would love to hear advice on this also.
It's not like we don't want to have sex. Once it starts, it's great......it's the getting started that's the hard part...right? Doing sexy things is not the issue here (at least in my case), it's both taking the time and concentrating on each other. The rest of our life together is great. We get along fantastically (better when our sex is more frequent), our kids are getting older, money is getting better.........just can't get back into the swing of things. It's like we're used to this now or something.
A lot of this is normal. While you find sex is nice, like other things in life, after you have done it a few thousand times is can get boring. Sure, there are couples that can go day after day, year and year and are still doing it several times a week well into their 50's or even 60's, but couples like this are the exception. If things are otherwise good in your relationship, then I wouldn't stress over it as long as you are both comfortable with the frequency you have. (It would be bad if one wanted it more than the other.)
If you want to improve your sex life, you will simply have to make it a priority in your life. Spending a night in a hotel might help rekindle things, or take a trip somewhere where simply being together is the goal.
... His lack of interest in sex came far before mine... now it's me too. I'm 29 and he is 31. I know this is not normal, but i am sure it is not unheard of.
Any advise? I would appreciate it, immensely.
If you both lost interest in sex, it would seem to me that you have still remained compatible because you both feel the same way. So, what exactly is the problem if all other areas of your relationship seem to be fine. Is this an issue that you feel you have to keep up with the Jones who have sex more frequently to remain so called "normal"? As long as you both are comfortable at this level of your sexual activity, I don't know why you worry about it. It seems that you are making a issue of one that doesn't exist. You already have the solution, but your are looking for a problem that is not there from what I can interpret.
You should try to work on addressing, accepting or solving your other financial, social and stress related problems and maybe your libido will come back to a level that is acceptable to you both. Enjoy your lives together. You are normal. There is nothing wrong with you.
Thank you for all of your input. Working on the issues in our lives as far as resolving existing stresses would definately help put things in perspective there, which would hopefully eventually lend to less "devastation" in those areas. We really have great times together. The "keeping up with the Jonses" area, well of course that does contribute to some of this pressure because we do feel like our sexual relationship is not at all "normal". If I talk about our lack-there-of with my friends, they confirm that it's not normal... but then they don't know the extent of what has depleted our energy as a whole.
We agree that we wish we had more of a sex life but feeling "down" does make you throw the towel in. I think resolving if possible, or at least, containing the day to day stresses would give us the energy to have our sexual spark ignite again.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
Sounds strange but try this every night for a week make your self do something sexuall with each other and before you know it you wouldn't have to "make "yourself you just be back in to a great sexual groove (ugh i sound like a hippy ) but please try this it works