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Old 12-09-2003, 07:30 PM   #1
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someone please help...please

ok. im a 23yrold guy. i have a VERY sexual mind. for a while now, ill catch my self looking at gay porn and such or thinking of that, but in real life I would NEVER do anything with a guy. Its just a fanatsy kind of thing. If a guy were in front of me, theres no WAY Id want to do anything. Only in the "fanatsy movie" in my mind.

Also, if i masturbate and think of guys, right when i release its IMPOSSIBLE to think of a guy - the turn on goes away.

When i was 15 me and a friend were curious and went down on each other, but i am in NO WAY attracted to ANY thing about guys. Face, Chest, NOTHING.

Im thinking maybe its b/c I have some sort of sexual ADD and get bored quickly and I maybe need something different to excite me. I always think about things like 3-somes and what not. Stuff thats almost Taboo.

AM I GAY/BI or WHAT?!? or am I stimulated by things that are Taboo......Im very very confused!

confused1

 
Old 12-09-2003, 07:31 PM   #2
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Re: someone please help...please

PSS: I also think Ive been addicted to porn for a WHILE now. I cant resist looking at it when i get the chance.

I also think I have ADD and/or Obcessive Compulsive Disorder.

Could that have something to do with it??

Last edited by cofused1; 12-09-2003 at 07:37 PM.

 
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Old 12-10-2003, 02:12 AM   #3
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Re: someone please help...please

Hey bud, I went through a phase with some interest in gay porn and porn in general. I too had some same sex experiences while in high school...that experimenting stuff. However, I'm married and straight with no "residual" stuff about those things. Only you know if you are gay, bi or curious...no one else can make that determination. We are sexual beings, simply put...its the way we are wired. Those fantasies may be just that, something different to think about while masturbating and you may never act on them. Porn is powerful and can be addicting so please be careful there and try to limit your "intake" of it or it will begin to affect your sexuality. In the mean time, don't fret over this too much and just keep exploring our sexuality. Be who you are and don't let society "control" your behavior. By the way, there is much more to being gay than sex...you've got to desire a loving relationship with someone of the same gender and want to be in a committed relationship. Sex, like in heterosexual relationships is only one part of it...and I don't hear you saying any of that. Hang in there, stay in touch with us while you're on this sel discovery path and good luck.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 07:25 AM   #4
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Re: someone please help...please

In my opinion it's important to control your passions rather than let them control you. From what you wrote, who you feel is the real you is different than what you find erotic in your fantasies. Meaning that what turns you on in fantasy is different than what turns you on in reality and you're not too happy about having that feeling of duplicity. I'm very much like you in that I have a very sexual mind and in my fantasies I get turned on by things I would never do in reality, including very kinky stuff and even same sex activities. Then right when I would orgasm I would find the thoughts instantly repulsive. And for a long time I wondered what was wrong with me because I know that I'm not gay, and would never, could never be gay.

But over time I've learned that when I fuel those images, either through porn or imagination, they only grew stronger. Since I know I wouldn't do those things in real life, I now try to limit my porn viewing and imagination to things that are in the realm of what I would do in reality and want to do more of. So when I focus on fantasies that are in line with my reality view they start to grow stronger and I feel much better about myself. Simply put, what gets fed grows and what is starved will withers away.

As to your sexuality, in my opinion what you are in the 3D real world and not in your fantasies is what you really are. So I wouldn't worry too much about labeling yourself and realize that you'll probably always have a part of you the is turned on by same sex thoughts and images, but you don't need to act on them. And if you want a more congruent life between your thoughts, beliefs and actions than discipline yourself to feed what you want to be and starve what you don't. Depending on how deep of a habit you've formed will dictate how hard this discipline may be for you, but if you want to change your thoughts, you need to change your thinking.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 08:14 AM   #5
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Re: someone please help...please

Thanx for the replies. They really really helped. I think what it is is that in real life, everyday activities I get bored QUICK. So I was thinking maybe Im the same sexually. I do know that there is NO attraction towards guys. Only a fanatasy when I let my mind run.

And its weird. The fantasy is not me doing a guy or a guy sucking me: Its a guy doing me and me sucking a guy.

I think it might be that way b/c girls can suck me and I can do girls. But the thought of BEING done and me suckin a guy is so outthere- so taboo, that i think it excites me. Cuz I really have no interest in doing a guy. I feel SO SO SO weird and messed up.


PS:Im gonna try to not look @ porn any more either. I dont tapes anymore but its so hard not too when im on my computer.

Ive been looking at the stuff for a while. I wanna quit forever


Could it be that because I tell myself I should NOT look at something, it makes it that much more appealing???

confused1

 
Old 12-10-2003, 11:34 AM   #6
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Re: someone please help...please

I'm not a guy, but your post caught my attention with the help thingey, so I read it and have something to say. First of all, I agree with someone else who said that only you would know if you're gay or not, but actually, I seriously doubt that you are. I think lots of people, both men and women, have "strange" fantasies, that are just that, fantasies. Now, if you would choose to act out on those fantasies, then I guess that would be a different story. I've not the least bit gay, but look at pictures of both naked men and women. I know I would never do anything with a woman in real life though. I'm married, by the way. I'm like you and think about sex a lot and have looked up porn on the net but haven't done that for awhile, because it really can become consuming, both with your time and your mind. I know it's really tempting, though, to spend hours on end here looking at it sometimes, but I have been forcing myself not to do that. I'm like you and become bored with things very quickly. You should see me doing projects around the house; I hop around from one to the other with ten things on the go all going unfinished until months later! My husband used to get very annoyed with me until we were to a psychologist and he found out why I am that way. At age 45, after years of wondering what was wrong with me, I finally found out that I have ADD. That was two years ago. That same psychologist has met with me many times since then, and I've told her about the fact that I think of sex a lot; she said that is pretty common with people who have ADD. According to her, I must have a higher testosterone level than normally found in women (not that I was ever checked for that though) because of the fact that I think of sex so often. It's not that I'm manly or act like a guy or anything like that, but I bet I'm more like a guy than a woman in regards to how much I'm thinking about sex and how much I would like to have sex. I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn't feel strange in the way that you think. If you think about guys like you do, I really don't think there's anything wrong with that, and I would bet that more guys think the way you do than care to admit it if talking to them in real life, but I've found people on these boards seem pretty honest to me. Relax and just enjoy being you.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 05:58 PM   #7
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Re: someone please help...please

What did they do to help your ADD?

cofused1

 
Old 12-10-2003, 06:56 PM   #8
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OCD, ADD, Sex, and Porn - ?????

Ive come to the realization as of late that, well, Im addicted to porn. It feels good to admit it but what can I do about it? I mean, EVERY TIME I get on the computer I feel this drug-like pull to look @ porn and its a relief too......It sickens and saddens me.

I really think I have ADD and pretty much KNOW I have OCD.

I want it to stop......but I feel almost powerless. I dont want to have to FORCE myslef to not look @ porn.

I just wanna be normal when it comes to that.

any ideas?

 
Old 12-10-2003, 07:45 PM   #9
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Re: OCD, ADD, Sex, and Porn - ?????

One more thing: I have huge-turn ons and fantasies to the effect of just having sex w/some really hot woman (women in some cases) that I just meet. Ya know, they spontaneous, stranger sex thing. THeres a huge excitement to the thought of that.

I want to take that excitement and those thoughts and fantasies and focus ALL of that sexual excitement on the person Im with. Dont get me wrong, theres plenty of sexuality between us, but I want ALL of mine to be on just her. No sex fantasies or anything. No excitement of the thought of meeting some hott woman and having sex. Just focus on HER - the one I love.


If I quit w/the porn and obcessive sexual thinking (and believe me its OBCESSIVE-OCD Obcessive), should this stop?!?

Please give advice. Im desperate to right things

 
Old 12-10-2003, 09:15 PM   #10
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Re: OCD, ADD, Sex, and Porn - ?????

I can't tell you HOW to stop looking at porn, but I can tell you that you DO sound like you have a form of OCD. I'm always on the OCD board, and that might help you, but just know that you are NOT a sick person just because you can't stop looking at porn. It's your obsessiveness that is doing that. Also, that fantasy is a common one, so I wouldn't worry about that. Everyone keeps mentioning this book called "Brain Lock" on the OCD board and also a book called "Been There? Done That? Do This!" By someone named Sam Obitz so maybe we should both take a look at those books. Take care
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Old 12-10-2003, 10:47 PM   #11
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Re: OCD, ADD, Sex, and Porn - ?????

Oh I think i do have OCD. When I think of stuff....I can NOT stop thinking about it until it plays out EXACTLY how I want it in my head (or I have the right answer).

Heres a DUMB DUMB example, but it works:

Say I see this car I want and I see a set of rims i think would look neat.....Ill try to picture the car with the rims. Heres the kicker:I cant stop tryin to picture it until EVERY ANGLE looks right and it looks exactly how I want.

I constatnly over think things.....way beyond normal. Picturing this and picturing that.

Its VERY annoying and depressing

Thank you for the response!

 
Old 12-11-2003, 12:30 AM   #12
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Re: OCD, ADD, Sex, and Porn - ?????

cofused1: I merged your 2 threads together as they were similar in nature...

 
Old 12-11-2003, 01:54 AM   #13
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Re: OCD, ADD, Sex, and Porn - ?????

Confused, Concerning the ADD, I've been taking Adderall, which is a prescription stimulant medication. It's not like it's a miracle cure, but I do notice that I can stay more focused when I take it. I don't think anything will ever help me 100%, but at least taking this is better than not taking it as far as getting results. I hear what you're saying with the porn stuff. It is hard to stay away from it. Sometimes I wonder if there are many women out there like me who like to look at that stuff fairly often. My husband has porn tapes up in our bedroom closet which he's had for years and has only watched a few times. I got them out just the other day and was pleasuring myself, although I don't do that very often. It's just that it does get to me sometimes that we don't have sex nearly as often as I would like to have it. I don't like doing it just twice a week. I also fantasize a lot and when I see a hot guy I wonder what it would like having sex with him. I feel guilty and wish I wouldn't feel this way. It had even gotten to the point where I met a guy on the net and we would have sex talks. I didn't intentionally go after a guy with that intention though. We met through a mutual interest of ours (birding), and we just sort of fell into making these little suggestive comments and it kept building each time we'd talk. He even called me twice here at the house, but we just talked normal talk then. I got so into him and fantacizing about what we could do together, and I really wanted to meet him and act out on those fantasies! Maybe it's good for me that we live about 1500 miles apart! Morally I know it's wrong to cheat on my husband, and I never have cheated on my husband, but if the right opportunity would come along, I can't honestly say that I wouldn't do just that. As ridiculous as it might seem, after only a few months of talking to this guy, I felt like I was falling in love with him and I wanted to be with him. I came out and admitted that to him, but he didn't feel the same way and said we had two different lives, that mine and my family was up here in PA and his was down there where he lived. He had more common sense than me and could think things out logically. I'm not like a go-with-my-emotions type of person and might have even left my husband for him had this guy given the okay for me to come down to him. I mean, when you think about it, it's ludicrous that I would want to go be with a guy who I barely know and leave my husband of 23 years who loves me very much, but it's the sex thing. This guy's sex remarks would really turn me on and I just go so into it! Till all was said and done, I ended up feeling hurt that he didn't feel the same as what I did, and I hated getting on the computer to chat expecting him to show up and he wouldn't. I got sick of it all being one-sided, so I thought the best thing for me to avoid any more heartache would be just to stop talking to him altogether, no e-mail or chatting, nothing. I e-mailed him letting him know I wouldn't be getting in touch with him anymore and explained why and that I asked him to please do the same. I told him that I wouldn't even get on the computer anymore so I would be sure to avoid him. He ex-mailed me back saying goodbye and said that he knew that I wouldn't be able to stay away from the computer, that I was addicted to it and obsessed. Well, he must be right about that, because I was on it the very next day even though I was going to try to stay away from it. I have managed to not e-mail him at all though, but I must admit that I still do think about him a lot. Sorry I've gone on and on about this, but I wanted you to see that you aren't alone with your OCD...I surely must have it! Well, I know I do because I have these little quirks about me like when I take my shoes off, they have to be lined up...and I can't stand it when my daughter throws her socks down on our hardwood floor (she knows this and intentionally does it to see me pick them up, and try as I might, I can't stop from picking them up!). I guess I must have a thing about wood...you should see all of the wooden spoons in our kitchen; they all have black electrical tape around them. I wouldn't even have bought them in the first place because I know I can't stand the feel of them in my hands. My husband had bought them one time, but I thought no way could I use them like that, so I taped up the handles! I'm sure you can probably think of a few examples in your life that points to your having OCD. If you suspect that you have it, I'd say that yeah, you probably do. I'm not on any OCD meds. It just gets to the point where I wonder if all these medicines would counteract each other. I already take medicine for the ADD and also one for depression, and I have asthma and use an inhaler for that. I have allergies and also acid reflux, so altogether, I'm on 5 prescription medications. I guess that's why I never looked into taking something for the OCD, although maybe I should. Like you, it does get to me about the sex fantacizing and wish I could stop doing that. It's just the way I am and don't know how to stop that. I wish I could tell you how but I'm not really sure how myself. I just wish so much that I were normal! I hope someone else has an answer for us.

 
Old 12-27-2003, 12:00 PM   #14
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Re: OCD, ADD, Sex, and Porn - ?????

I am exactly the same way. Had some experiences in my early teens. I remember looking at playboy at a very young age. I've always been extremely sexual. Anyway, I had same sex experiences in my early teens. A few years later, I met up with one of the same guys that I experimented with. He wanted to do things. I was turned on the same way that I was when I fantasize, but I really didn't want to do anything. Funny thing is, I still fantasize about him. I have porn on my PC, and same as you, as soon as I finish, I have no desire whatsoever to look a guy. Upon finishing, I used to be disgusted with myself and delete all the porn I spent hours downloading. Now, I'm just glad I have one more thing that I find arousing. I've accepted this side of me and it's no big deal anymore.

It's a fantasy. I have never had an attraction to anyone in person. NEVER do I want to touch a guy- only in my fantasies. I've read that there are women who have rape fantasies, but obviously would never want it to happen for real. I liken my same sex fantasies to that.

Not that it matters, but I can be somewhat OC. It could have something to do with it, I suppose. I'm an addict, too. I don't worry about what I fantasize about because I know it is only a fantasy. If you enjoy it and aren't hurting anyone, then why stop?

 
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