It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - General Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-13-2003, 06:40 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Murray, Utah, USA
Posts: 64
emtdoll HB User
Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

okay so here is the story! I LOVE oral sex!! Giving and receiving!! I think it feels great!! With my fiance though it is different! He Loves to receive it.... but when it comes to giving it....Well he judt doesnt!! I have tried to sublty hint that I like it and not sublty. (like saying straight out I LOVE it and I even at one time straddled his face!!) I dont know what to doa anymore its not like I cant live without it but I crave it sometimes and just wish he would!! he says there is a past experience that when he is just thinking about it that he has to puke!! Someone please help me in what to do to convince him that it is okay!!

(if needs be I will tell his past experience!!)

He also wants some help with this because he knows how much this gets to me soemtimes ( we have actully had an argument over it and stopped having sex for three weeks because of it!!)

PLEASE HELP US!!!

EMTDOLL
__________________
Perfection is dealing with imperfection in a perfect way. ~unknown

 
Old 12-14-2003, 12:19 AM   #2
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: SC, USA
Posts: 199
wondertwin44 HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

When I first read your post, I was going to say that you two should talk about the experience. I can see that you have though. Has he ever tried doing it on you? Maybe if he tries, he will see that it is different. He could try just doing it for a little bit and working up to it until it gets easier for him. Like you, I love giving and receiving. I've been in relationships where it doesn't work both ways, and it's never in my favor. I know how hard this can be. Hopefully what I suggested can help some. Let me know and maybe I can think of something else if need be. Good luck!
__________________
Game over. I had to accept the fact that in life some women are simply better and no amount of shoes or lack of pastry or making of pies will change that. I will never be the woman with the perfect hair who can wear white and not spill on it and chair committees and write thank you notes. And I can't feel bad about that.
Carrie, ~SATC~

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 12-14-2003, 07:45 AM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Murray, Utah, USA
Posts: 64
emtdoll HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by wondertwin44
When I first read your post, I was going to say that you two should talk about the experience. I can see that you have though. Has he ever tried doing it on you? Maybe if he tries, he will see that it is different. He could try just doing it for a little bit and working up to it until it gets easier for him. Like you, I love giving and receiving. I've been in relationships where it doesn't work both ways, and it's never in my favor. I know how hard this can be. Hopefully what I suggested can help some. Let me know and maybe I can think of something else if need be. Good luck!

He did try once and it made him so sick he ran to the bathroom and threw up!! Literally! I cried because i thought that it was my fault thats when he told me about the past experience and that it wasnt my fault but he remembered what happened and it had made him sick!! It makes me so sad (and at times kind of mad) to knwo that becuase of one stupid girl that I will never get that pleasure!! I am not saying that I have to have it to be happy!! because while there are some issues we are a very happy couple and we love each other very much!! Am I being dumb for wanting this and for having it bug me?? Am I not being caring and considerate of his feelings when I get frustrated from not being able to receive?? Is this selfish of me?? I mean there are things I will not do sexually because fo past experiences but for the most part he agrees to not do them too!! But then on the flip side of that there was a past experience I have had that made me not want to do something for him but after doing it I realized that I enjoyed it becuase I love him and was pleasuring him so I am confused on how I should really feel about this and whether or not I should try and encourage it more or just back off of it?? Any advice or suggestions would be great!! And thanks WONDER for your advice anymore would be great!!

EMTDOLL
__________________
Perfection is dealing with imperfection in a perfect way. ~unknown

 
Old 12-14-2003, 06:10 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: SC, USA
Posts: 199
wondertwin44 HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

I donít think you are being inconsiderate of his feelings. You arenít forcing him to do it. You are telling him what you want. Sometimes we have to make sexual sacrifices for those we care about no matter how much we think it sucks. I completely understand how it would bug you, but are you sexually satisfied other than that? Maybe if you crave it so much, you could get a toy. Iíve seen toys that are tongues that are supposed to simulate oral sex. You could try having him use that on you. This way he is giving you pleasure without having to relive his bad experience.
__________________
Game over. I had to accept the fact that in life some women are simply better and no amount of shoes or lack of pastry or making of pies will change that. I will never be the woman with the perfect hair who can wear white and not spill on it and chair committees and write thank you notes. And I can't feel bad about that.
Carrie, ~SATC~

 
Old 12-15-2003, 01:01 PM   #5
Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: NH
Posts: 492
supertrooper HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Since your fiance can identify the experience that puts him off oral sex he is a prime candidate for professional counseling. There will be no psychological "fishing expeditions" that run up the bill. If the experience alone is the cause, it can be overcome if he desires it to be. That is, if he would like to go down on you but just can't. He has to want to make the change, for himself and for you! He can't be just going thru it to please you.

 
Old 12-15-2003, 02:49 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,191
Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Not knowing of the experience, it is difficult to comment on it. In general, he may indeed need to seek out a therapist as he can certainly be cured. He should do this, for you. It might be possible to cure him without professional help, but it might take longer and it might make things worse. You are not asking too much from him, and he would be unreasonable to deny getting help given how important this is to you and how illogical his fear is.

 
Old 12-15-2003, 03:23 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Murray, Utah, USA
Posts: 64
emtdoll HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by wondertwin44
I don’t think you are being inconsiderate of his feelings. You aren’t forcing him to do it. You are telling him what you want. Sometimes we have to make sexual sacrifices for those we care about no matter how much we think it sucks. I completely understand how it would bug you, but are you sexually satisfied other than that? Maybe if you crave it so much, you could get a toy. I’ve seen toys that are tongues that are supposed to simulate oral sex. You could try having him use that on you. This way he is giving you pleasure without having to relive his bad experience.

Yes I am other wise sexually satisfied! He is so great when it comes to.... well he is great at everything actually but in bed he is like superman to me!! I do crave it and when I suggested to him that we work into it slowly maybe if he just kissed my vaginal area that it would help. He tried that and it went okay for about one minute and then he started gagging again!! I think the toy might be a good idea!! He feels real bad about it an dis always trying to make it up to me!! I dunno I dont want to suggest therapy to him because he really despises therapy!! he thinks it will make him weak in my eyes!! I guess I shouldnt be complaining about one little thing right???
__________________
Perfection is dealing with imperfection in a perfect way. ~unknown

 
Old 12-15-2003, 03:28 PM   #8
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Murray, Utah, USA
Posts: 64
emtdoll HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetic
Not knowing of the experience, it is difficult to comment on it. In general, he may indeed need to seek out a therapist as he can certainly be cured. He should do this, for you. It might be possible to cure him without professional help, but it might take longer and it might make things worse. You are not asking too much from him, and he would be unreasonable to deny getting help given how important this is to you and how illogical his fear is.

Well lets just say that his ex-girlfriend got really relaxed and released in his mouth except its not the good kind of released that would turn anyone on!! Hope you understand what that means!! So I can understand his hatred of it!! Or maybe his phobia!! It isnt like it is so important to me that I am going to implode without it! I just REALLY like it and sometimes miss it!! he will do everything BUT that!! As a matter of fact he will kiss all around my thighs and everything but when it comes to actually giving oral he cant do it!!

Thanks for the suggestions though! I dont think that suggesting therapy right now would be a good idea and I dotn think that his fear is illogical.... Ithink he might be tramatized from it!!
__________________
Perfection is dealing with imperfection in a perfect way. ~unknown

 
Old 12-15-2003, 06:49 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,191
Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Well, his fear is illogical as the chances of that happening like that is pretty remote. It is maybe a bit gross but, heck, things happen and it not as if he was forced to go down on a women at gun point who had not bathed in a month.

Your idea of having him kiss the area around your vagina is good, as long as you are freshly bathed (and it is the proper time of the month). Gradually, he can work his way in closer. Maybe for just a few seconds at first. Over time, he should be able to do it for longer periods of time. Perhaps purchasing an artificial vagina or doll from a sex store that he could practice with help him get over his psychological fear (though he might feel stupid or embarassed).

This is very important for you and he should consider therapy if things don't improve.

 
Old 12-15-2003, 07:22 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Murray, Utah, USA
Posts: 64
emtdoll HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetic
Well, his fear is illogical as the chances of that happening like that is pretty remote. It is maybe a bit gross but, heck, things happen and it not as if he was forced to go down on a women at gun point who had not bathed in a month.

Your idea of having him kiss the area around your vagina is good, as long as you are freshly bathed (and it is the proper time of the month). Gradually, he can work his way in closer. Maybe for just a few seconds at first. Over time, he should be able to do it for longer periods of time. Perhaps purchasing an artificial vagina or doll from a sex store that he could practice with help him get over his psychological fear (though he might feel stupid or embarassed).

This is very important for you and he should consider therapy if things don't improve.

Okay wait a sec maybe I am taking this a bit literally but she was plenty bathed I am sure!! ( he is picky about his girlfriends and their hygiene!!) she also did some modeling and stuff so she was well taken care of so it has nothing to do with her bathing she urinated in his mouth!! I just cant see it being illogical fear!! I would probably feel the same!! but thanks for your reply I thinkI might just stop pushing the issue and see what happens! he feel awful for it and I dont wnt to make hiim feel worse right now!! Thanks for the advice though!!
__________________
Perfection is dealing with imperfection in a perfect way. ~unknown

 
Old 12-15-2003, 07:47 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,390
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Actually, what I think Magnetic wrote was "it's NOT as if he was..." (my caps).

And maybe I'm not being sympathetic, but your bf seems to have really taken it much harder than necessary. I was figuring you were going to say she pooped. And this might sound like a totally off question but is he sure it was urine? Could it have been female ejaculate? (Often mistaken for pee, but it's not.)

Anyway, regardless, he's got a problem now, and he should be concerned about getting over it because it's going to affect his ability to perform in bed for the rest of his life. You may be willing to let it go, and you may be his last gf, but in the event you aren't, he may not find as accomodating a gf as you are. Judging from many of the past threads here, when either partner digs in their heels about refusing to perform oral, resentment eventually creeps in.

 
Old 12-15-2003, 10:07 PM   #12
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Murray, Utah, USA
Posts: 64
emtdoll HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisby
Actually, what I think Magnetic wrote was "it's NOT as if he was..." (my caps).

And maybe I'm not being sympathetic, but your bf seems to have really taken it much harder than necessary. I was figuring you were going to say she pooped. And this might sound like a totally off question but is he sure it was urine? Could it have been female ejaculate? (Often mistaken for pee, but it's not.)

Anyway, regardless, he's got a problem now, and he should be concerned about getting over it because it's going to affect his ability to perform in bed for the rest of his life. You may be willing to let it go, and you may be his last gf, but in the event you aren't, he may not find as accomodating a gf as you are. Judging from many of the past threads here, when either partner digs in their heels about refusing to perform oral, resentment eventually creeps in.
pooped?? okay thats even more tramatizing!! Anyway I agree wiht the digging the heels!! I think its time I stop being so accomodating!! I mean he gets every sexual pleasure and fantasy fulfilled that he wants from me and he has denied me all mine!! i feel the resentment already!! LOL no I really am beginning to get frustrated and Magnetic I appreciate your advice very much!! I just wanted to clarify she was clean!! I think I am just going to start denying him oral he likes it so much see him go with out it!! Is that too harsh?? ya it was urine she even said it was he has had the other apparently and it was not the same!! he said you could smell it after too!! GROSS!! he performs well in bed at everything else as I have previously stated!! but the truth is i like it and the other night I was talking to this guy and he he offered to do it just so my frustration would be gone!! I almost agreed out of desperation but caught myself in enough time to realize the mistake that would be!! I am not a cheater never have been and never will be!! Anyway thanks for your posts I appreciate them all!! keep them coming!!

emtdoll
__________________
Perfection is dealing with imperfection in a perfect way. ~unknown

 
Old 12-15-2003, 10:55 PM   #13
Inactive
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 207
junkbondtrader HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

an interesting thing about phobias is that they only take a single bad experience or a few to be created. (one in your fiance's case). but the cool thing is that often times, it only takes one or two positive experiences to get rid of them! This takes a conscious effort, but I think if he really puts his mind to it and pushes himself, once he does it once and nothing bad happens, he might just be fine from then on.

I can understand where the phobia came from, but it is illogical- because he knows, loves and trusts you and has NO reason to believe you would do to him what his previous lover did. I'm sure you would promise him not to.

I think you should tell him this and say that you are willing to take things very slow and not pressure him but that it is something that is important to you and that you want him to address for your sake and also for the sake of the relationship. that's not being selfish, it's just wanting things to feel balanced, egalitarian, whatever you want to call it...

I'd have this conversation with him when you are not intimate, but have a chance to really talk without the heat of the moment making it a pressure situation.

 
Old 12-16-2003, 12:48 PM   #14
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ontario ,canada
Posts: 468
engineer1961 HB Userengineer1961 HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

Lifesavers are worth a try just slip one in after freshening up ( make sure to find out what favor he likes ) and that's all he'll taste ,don't worry it doesn't give you any sort of infection or anything it just gets a tad sticky if that does't work try counsling (or a new boyfriend !!

 
Old 12-16-2003, 04:55 PM   #15
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,191
Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
Re: Oral sex....past experiences makes him sick!!

I would be hesitant to stop giving him oral sex, as he might then simply say "Fine, if that is how you want it." and he will never give in and things will go downhill. Two frustrated people is generally always worse than just one.

I continue to recommend that he gradually work up to giving you full oral sex. Maybe apply some perfume near your vaginal area (not directly on the vagaina, but above and the the sides) to absolutely remove any traces of vaginal smell (even when clean, there is still a smell and it might be that faint smell that does him in). In fact, a thing that comes to mind is to dab something like peppermint oil (not sure if it will sting or not, though) around the area - or something with a candy type of smell that is strong. The candy smell might be enough to give him the impression he is eating candy! Anyway, go slow. Give it a month or two to gradually work his way in and increase his time. I am pretty sure he will soon be able to please you just fine.

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



lenvegas (12), rosequartz (8), writeleft (6), Kszan (5), Tivo123 (4), ladybud (4), Titchou (4), Kali333 (4), solofelix (4), captjane (4)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1166), MSJayhawk (1000), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:26 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!