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Old 01-23-2004, 10:52 AM   #1
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New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

My new boyfriend is insecure because he can't give me an orgasm. The thing is, it's not him, it's me. He feels that if he can't do it for me then he doesn't want to hold me back from other men because he thinks I'll eventually cheat. He doesn't believe that I have never been able to reach climax. (actually I did with one man but I wouldn't mention that). The man that I did have an orgasm with I was unattached to and he was a known player. I don't care to have him in my life and our fling was short lived because after a month I felt cheap.

I think the only reason that I could orgasm with the fling was because I wasn't worried about trust and because he was pierced. My new boyfriend is large and knows what he's doing, just as well if not better, but I just can't let myself go.

He confronted me because he's never had this problem and he knows I've been faking it. What do I do? How do I explain that it's not something that happens for me easily and that I still want to be with him and no other? He doesn't get that I still enjoy sex. Plus we had to overcome the fact that for the first few weeks it hurt due to his size. He thinks I am not sexually attracted to him.

Has any other women gone through this? Or men with women in this situation? I'd like to know how you overcame either by learning to have or give orgasms or how you dealt with the emotions of not having or not giving them.

thanks,

Jen

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-23-2004 at 04:30 PM. Reason: Banned word replaced. Please use proper terminology.

 
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Old 01-23-2004, 11:28 AM   #2
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

Can you masturbate to orgasm?

 
Old 01-23-2004, 12:36 PM   #3
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

I can but only laying on my stomach playing with my **** alone. I can't do it otherwise it's wierd. But I can't have an orgasm from sex. Just the few times with the fling.

 
Old 01-23-2004, 03:41 PM   #4
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

I would try explaining to your new boyfriend that the majority of women can't achieve orgasm through sex alone. Most women need some sort of clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm during sex, not just penetration alone.
There isn't anything wrong with your or him. Sex doesn't have to end in orgasm. It's all about the journey and pleasure. Not destination. (pardon the cliche)

As for you reaching orgasm on your own, that might be something you want to work more on, knowing what you like, how you like it. And being able to orgasm easier by yourself, and perhaps while your b/f watches. Just some suggestions.
G'luck

 
Old 01-24-2004, 02:22 PM   #5
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

You say you can orgasm while lying on your stomach and stimulating your ****., have you tried that position with him(you on top)?
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Old 01-24-2004, 02:45 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by german30
You say you can orgasm while lying on your stomach and stimulating your ****., have you tried that position with him(you on top)?
I was going to suggest she stay in that position, continue what she's doing, and he get on top.

 
Old 01-26-2004, 06:58 AM   #7
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

It may be your boyfriend's problem?
I've been married for 14 years and have never have reached a climax with my husband from sex alone.
He has never obsessed about it or acted like I would be out there cheating on him.
Just a thought...

 
Old 01-26-2004, 07:52 AM   #8
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

I think it's an issue of me trusting someone completely and I don't think that I can with him. Most of the time it hurts because he's so large. I tense up now because I'm afraid it will hurt so it hurts more. He hates that I don't enjoy sex and tried to make me feel bad.

Now last nigth he asked me if we could try anal. I said no. He hurts me enough the normal way. I've told him that I tried it before but didn't like it so now he's ****** because I don't love him as much as the other guys I didn that with and he's mad.

Also, does this seem wierd? Since we were on the subject of sex, he told me that he likes to be in total control. He says that he doesn't mind when I move, that I match his rythm, but he's rather me lie there docile. It's not like I move around, just my hips but he has always liked that his girlfriends remain lifeless. Is this normal?

 
Old 01-27-2004, 01:38 PM   #9
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

I'm not sure about the wanting to be lifeless comment, that is kind of creepy, but have you tried the position of you on top and laying against him, he can still be in control, my guy and I take turns moving in that position, it's the only way I can orgasm from sex alone. But otherwise another great position, is spooning with you on top, facing away from him and he can manually get you going by reaching around to your clitoris. Just a suggestion, also, I would try to move your hips, he might actually like it, my guy does, I start doing that and he gets distracted and drops his hand otherwise lots of forplay with your clitoris can help you be more sensitive during sex

 
Old 01-29-2004, 06:48 AM   #10
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

I agree with Calixte Silas said, but go back to what you said about the previous lover. You mentioned three things I think are noteworthy. He knew what he was doing, you felt trust wasn't an issue, and he was pierced (leading me to assume there was a unique form of physical attraction involved).

Your present boyfriend knows what he's doing, so that's not an issue. On a physical level, I'm thinking you're probably ok with it. On the trust level, now there's the rub (pun intended). If you can't let yourself go, you can't let yourself come.

What do you think would happen if you let yourself go? Is it the vulnerability? Or the loss of control?

 
Old 01-29-2004, 06:52 AM   #11
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

Hmm, for some reason, I didn't see page two of the replies, and you have seen the trust issue.

I further agree with Calixte, red flags, big time.

 
Old 01-29-2004, 12:01 PM   #12
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Re: New boyfriend is upset because I can't have an orgasm

You need to take the pressure off yourself to have orgasms from intercourse alone. Most women don't. In 20 years of making love my wife has come that way maybe twice. Just relax and enjoy the sensations, without worrying about what isn't happening. He should be trying to satisfy you in other ways, either orally, manually, or with toys. Does he spend much time on foreplay, so that you are really wet and ready for him to enter you? If he's not willing to spend the time and effort to satisfy you, then he's not worth keeping around.

Last edited by supertrooper; 01-29-2004 at 12:02 PM.

 
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