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Old 01-26-2004, 06:43 PM   #1
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Cheeky HB User
Lightbulb Desperately need help to spice sex life up!!!

Hi,

Hope you guys can help...

I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 yrs but recently in the past few months our sex life is virtually 'dead'. Neither of us feel like it especially me.... i just don't feel horny at all.... I don't know what's wrong... I am on the pill... maybe it could be a contributing factor....

we had a discussion yesterday, that we should try spicing up our sex life with porn, toys, anal.... etc.... and still talking about watching porn or going to a porn shop kind of turns me off.... but I want to get into it and do try to spice things up..... and so does he....

Previously we were both incredibly active....

My questions are how come we both come to this point?... How come I just don't feel horny anymore? Could it be the pill? And lastly can I have everyone's ideas as to how to spice things up and get back 'on top of the world again'? And lastly it is dissapointing as we're both still young ... I'm 24 and he's 28... and I am still crazily in love with him...

Please help!

Last edited by Cheeky; 01-26-2004 at 06:46 PM.

 
Old 01-27-2004, 06:38 AM   #2
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Re: Desperately need help to spice sex life up!!!

I can't comment on whether your b/c pills are the problem, but have some other hints. These go for both of you.

At your age you probably both have a job that takes up a lot of your energy. I don't know if you have kids too. You both have to go back to making an effort in the romance department. Make "dates" like before you lived together. Make sure you keep up your appearance around your mate. Think back about the things that got you two going before.

In the bedroom...

Start a competition with your mate on who can initiate sex more often. Set a fixed time period (1-2 weeks). Winner gets whatever...

When my wife and I see boredom creeping in we make a rule that for the next two weeks we can do it anywhere EXCEPT the bed. You'd be amazed how creative you can be. Tables, counters, rocking chairs, the car...

Have a goal of doing it in EVERY room in the house before going back to your bedroom. Extra points for doing it outside.

Next time you go out, wear something that lets you go without underwear. Part way thru the evening TELL him. Tell him how good it feels. If possible, SHOW him.

If you've gotten into the habit of only doing it at bedtime, change that. Most people are usually too tired. Set an early alarm. Take a shower together after work. Do your weekend housework in the nude or in frilly lingerie.

Put your dirty mind to work!

Regarding porn, I think it takes the focus off each other. Use it only as a basis for ideas. Make a deal that you pick a tape and either person can stop the tape when they see something they want to do NOW! There is such a thing as porn for women. I think the woman that produces it is named "Candide Royale" or something like that. Basically porn with a story.

With the internet, nobody needs to go to a sex toy shop anymore. You can shop in the comfort of your home and have it delivered in discreet packages. Better yet, put your imagination to work! Fruits, vegetables, bottles, pillows...

Let him know you are thinking about sex in the oddest places.

Take turns setting a timer (15-30 minutes) and giving one of you COMPLETE CONTROL of the other for that time. Set up a "safe " word that calls it off if someone is really uncomfortable with what's happening.

Most of these suggestions don't take much or any money. THEY TAKE EFFORT. Spicing it up will take effort from at least one of you. Better if it's both of you.

Since I'm a teacher, I'm making this your homework assignment. Please report back to the class as you complete a suggestion.

 
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Old 01-27-2004, 06:21 PM   #3
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Cheeky HB User
Re: Desperately need help to spice sex life up!!!

Thanks for the great advice...

I'm already thinking of what to do.... the only problem is that we live at his parent's house and their bedroom is nxt door. That means we kind of can't 'bless' every room cause they are 95% of the time home when we are.

But I really like the idea not to use the bed to make out but to initiate it else where for 2 weeks.... that's a cool idea....

What sort of things would you do on a date? We always go out together so how would you make it different?

Trying to set a good time to make out will be a bit of a challange as well because we it normally happens at bedtime... when we're bugged....

What sort of suprises do guys like? I love the idea of not wearing any underwear and just suprise him somewhere unsuspecting.... Shifty! Luv it!...

Also what sort of toys are recommended in the bedroom?

I will definately keep you updated....

Luv,
Cheeky

Last edited by Cheeky; 01-27-2004 at 06:22 PM.

 
Old 01-28-2004, 09:40 AM   #4
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Re: Desperately need help to spice sex life up!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheeky
Thanks for the great advice...

I'm already thinking of what to do.... the only problem is that we live at his parent's house and their bedroom is nxt door. That means we kind of can't 'bless' every room cause they are 95% of the time home when we are.

But I really like the idea not to use the bed to make out but to initiate it else where for 2 weeks.... that's a cool idea....

What sort of things would you do on a date? We always go out together so how would you make it different?

Trying to set a good time to make out will be a bit of a challange as well because we it normally happens at bedtime... when we're bugged....

What sort of suprises do guys like? I love the idea of not wearing any underwear and just suprise him somewhere unsuspecting.... Shifty! Luv it!...

Also what sort of toys are recommended in the bedroom?

I will definately keep you updated....

Luv,
Cheeky
I wonder if the living arrangements are a small bit of the problem. Is he worried his parents might hear? Does it inhibit either of you in any way? How long do you plan to stay with them?

Here's something our friends do once a year (oddly enough usually on their anniversary): Find a hotel with a bar (not too near home). Rent a room. Arrange to meet him in the bar at a specific time. Tell him if he wants any loving that night he is going to have to try to "pick you up" for a one night stand. Like you two have never met. Put on the sexiest thing you can wear in public and go to the bar 15 minutes before. Be pleasant to the guys there. Make him work to get to you. Flirt with him. Tease him. Then, when you are both really worked up, slide him the key to the room and tell him to wait 15 minutes before he comes up. You go up to the room, light some candles, put on something interesting. He will be wild!

If it's possible you two should try showering together whenever possible.

Do you have friends that would "rent" you their place for a couple of hours? Maybe if they're gone on a weekend or something?

Remember that it's okay to plan ahead when you know an opportunity is at hand. Say "The next time we have the house to ourselves meet me in the ..."

That's enough for now...

 
Old 02-09-2004, 01:25 AM   #5
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l'Olmstead HB User
Re: Desperately need help to spice sex life up!!!

This may seem antithetical to your problem, but perhaps declare 2 weeks of no sex. that no matter what, whatever arises, however horny you are, no sex allowed. Just being denied may stir up desire.

Good toys for the bedroom? scarves to tie each other up, blindfold, whatever you can think of. I would recommend long silk scarves. Lounge around is sassy lingerie, or wear it under your day clothes. Victoria's Secret has some things that are not too expensive. Let him pick it out, and then suprise him with it.

I guess more general advice would be to re-think your bedroom. You live at his parents, but do you work/watch tv/use the computer in the bedroom? If the bedroom is just for sleep, sex, and together time, it can make things much less stressful, even in a parents home.

I hope that helps! and good luck, go get 'em

 
Old 02-14-2004, 09:32 AM   #6
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Re: Desperately need help to spice sex life up!!!

HEY, cheeky!

How are you doing on your homework?
__________________
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do." Dale Carnegie

 
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