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Old 02-11-2004, 11:31 PM   #1
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michael22 HB User
Somebody please help

Heres my problem and I need serious help to address this! I cannot stop my erections, or should I say control them. I am 41, married, and everytime my wife lays a hand on me I get an erection. I don't know what to do. I know it does not make her happy, because, of course when I get an erection, I want to have sex with her. She in no way wants to have sex with me when this happens. She is on a schedule, at least since about a year after we married 4 years ago, that nothing goes on before 11pm, if it goes on at all. I never had this problem before, in fact it took some time for a woman to bring me to erection. Now its way way to often. I know my wife would be happy if I wanted to have sex once a week, but I want to at least twice a day, usually more. I don't get this way around anyone else, and I do not want to be with anyone else! This is causing a huge problem with us, to the point where I don't even want to hold her or let her touch me, because I know what its going to do to me. Does anyone have any idea what I can do? Are there drugs I can take to control this? If there are, what are they called? I never want her to feel like I only want her for sex, but I think this is how she feels since I want to do it so much. The only history I have with this is during our first year together when she didn't mind anytime, anywhere, or if it was 4,5,6,times a day. I know she no longer wants me like that, and I feel like **** that I get turned on so much. Please help if you can!!!!!!! Thank you!

 
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Old 02-12-2004, 08:33 AM   #2
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Calixte_Silas HB User
Re: Somebody please help

She's on a schedule? Wow. nothing like a strict regiment to take the spontenaeity and spark out of sex. I can't image looking at the clock and thinking "oh, it's time for sex."
I would try discussing with her about what kind of effect she has on you. Let her know how much she turns you on, and maybe discuss a compromise.

 
Old 02-12-2004, 08:52 AM   #3
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Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Re: Somebody please help

You say "I do not want to be with anyone else", well, how about just yourself? Maybe you should tell her you're going on a 'schedule' too. Tell her you're going to be having sex at 10:30 pm whether she's there or not. (tell her she'll be there in your heart, if not in body.)

But seriously, do you ever take care of things yourself? Does she know? And if so, how does she feel about it?

Anyway, it's a shame that your wife doesn't appreciate that she can still turn you on like that...

Since you think she thinks you only want her for sex, you need to work on that. I know it's a relationship angle, and you were looking for a medical solution. But, I think you can solve that problem with your hand, not drugs.

(P.S. you say "she didn't mind it" at the beginning of the relationship. Did she actually ever love it?)

 
Old 02-12-2004, 09:45 AM   #4
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TheSlayer HB User
Wink Re: Somebody please help

I agree with hisby-there are often times that I don't want sex with my husband and I've told him many many times that if he feels like he needs it and I'm not interested that he can take care of himself-sometimes he does it in front of me and it changes my mind! but don't just whip it out because you really need to know how she would feel about masturbation-at any rate you can always do it in private!...good luck-the slayer

 
Old 02-12-2004, 02:21 PM   #5
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michael22 HB User
Re: Somebody please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calixte_Silas
She's on a schedule? Wow. nothing like a strict regiment to take the spontenaeity and spark out of sex. I can't image looking at the clock and thinking "oh, it's time for sex."
I would try discussing with her about what kind of effect she has on you. Let her know how much she turns you on, and maybe discuss a compromise.
Your right, there is no spontaneity. There use to be, an she wanted to have sex all the time, for the longest time. I thought she felt exactly like I did, but of course, that changed. I have discussed this with her quite often, it makes no difference to her. As for the suggestion from some else that wrote back about masterbating, its not anything like being with a woman, in fact, it sucks. I have tried everything I can think of to make it go back to the way it was, but nothing has worked. Yes, she has said she thinks I want her only for sex. I have heard this a few times; but she didn't think that way before! She use to come after me as often, or more than I would come after her. Maybe I just don't have it anymore, who knows. I am looking for a solution that involves medication of some kind, there has to be something. I was just looking for suggestions before I contact my doctor. This is the only way I can see to solve this problem. Is it that abnormal to get turned on so much by someone that is the love of your life?

 
Old 02-13-2004, 07:08 AM   #6
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Memilee HB User
Re: Somebody please help

The only problem is that you aren't getting satisfied enough. My fiance is similar to you (we are younger though, he's 24) and I'm not disgusted by it. Obviously I'm not in the mood ALL the time, but we try and spark things up by having sex during some of these times, instead of getting angry and telling him to wait until tonight. I don't know, I think, if in 20 years, he still wants me that way... I would be flattered. This is not abnormal, maybe you guys need to seek counseling or something. Good luck!

 
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