It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - General Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-16-2004, 04:45 PM   #1
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 70
anonymous08 HB User
stripclubs

My boyfriend wants to go to a strip club and i dunno if i should let him go. advice please

 
Old 02-16-2004, 05:25 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 153
JayLynn HB User
Re: stripclubs

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous08
My boyfriend wants to go to a strip club and i dunno if i should let him go. advice please
How do you feel about strip clubs? Do you trust him and why does he want to go to a strip club rather than a regular club?

I would be OK with my husband going if it were a guys night out (special occasion) and just for fun. If it was out of habit or a regular thing, I would be upset by it. Just like ladies sometimes go out to strip clubs to let loose, guys can do it to every now and then, like bachelor parties, in my opinion.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 02-16-2004, 05:26 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,326
Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: stripclubs

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous08
My boyfriend wants to go to a strip club and i dunno if i should let him go. advice please


Ok first are you his mother?? If not then why does he need your premission to go to a strip club?? I dont understand why some think they have to give their premission to a partner on whether he/she can go somewhere or not. It has never made sense to me to control where one's partner goes. One's children that I can see because their safety is the most important.
You could also go along with him. Strip clubs do allow that and you can both have some fun together. With you going you can see for yourself that it isnt that bad especially considering most clubs have a no touch rule. That means your bf cant touch the dancers.
You have to consider that if you tell him he cant go he could easily go behind your back and then you will feel worse because he in a sense lied to you about going.
I have never told my Dh he couldnt go someplace. He has been free to go to strip clubs and such if he feels like it. It is great because when he comes home he tells me all that went on and such. I know other guys who have gone with my Dh and then lied to their wives on where they went simply because their wives try to control where they go. Their wives have no clue what their dhs' were doing or where they were.
You also have to consider how would you feel if things were reversed and you had to get premission from your bf on being able to go someplace. I bet you wouldnt feel to great that he was controlling whether you went to someplace or not.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

 
Old 02-16-2004, 05:59 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: MA
Posts: 522
TeTr01 HB User
Re: stripclubs

First of all, he is YOUR boyfriend... don't you trust him to be faithful to you? If not, then there's your frist problem. Second, it's really not up to you what he does. Sure, you can voice your opintion & let him know how you feel about certain situations & places... but I don't think it's right for you to tell him he can't go. I can understand why you might feel a little uneasy about it b/c it might make you feel a little inadequate him watching other women naked, dancing around... but I would assume that if he is in a relationship with you that he is happy being with you - going to a strip club is just for entertainment.

Think about it this way: how would you feel if there was somewhere that you really wanted to go with a few girlfriends & he didn't trust you & told you he didn't want you to go? I think you'd be a little hurt that he wasn't trusting of you & you'd be upset that he was trying to tell you what to.

Just remember that if there is no trust in your relationship, then what is the point of being together?

 
Old 02-16-2004, 06:24 PM   #5
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 117
Memilee HB User
Re: stripclubs

I don't think its about trust really. I trust my fiance and know he wouldn't do anything, I just wouldn't like the thought of all of these naked women still in his mind later when he's with me. Why does he need to pay to see slutty women when he can have sex with me any time he wants? I'll strip for him, so why does he need to get off watching other women? I personally would never tell him he couldn't go, but I would let him know that I wasn't comfortable with it.

 
Old 02-16-2004, 07:00 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: PA
Posts: 151
Emma2 HB User
Re: stripclubs

Everyone brought up really good points about trust and asking permission, etc. You really can't forbid him to go. That's too controlling. If you're uncomfortable with it you have to decide if you can handle it or not.

I personally wouldn't want my bf going to strip clubs all of the time. I've heard of what goes on, and contrary to popular belief, things like oral sex and sometimes even regular sex do occur.Lap dances are very contact oriented, and the guys *ahem* finish. Boyfriends will never tell you this though.

Bachelor parties almost always involve some kind of sex. I have many male friends and unfortunately, I know what really goes on.

I'm sorry to say all of this, because I know its upsetting, but it is the truth.

 
Old 02-16-2004, 07:05 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,589
GirlHarley HB User
Re: stripclubs

Hey you sound alot like my sister. She feels that way too. LOL
Me on the other hand wouldn't mind if my boyfriend went once in a while. He's looking not touching. If your boyfriend does go and has fun ask him if he would like a "better" live peformance from you.
I agree with the ladies who responded to you. I'm always asking my boyfriend to take me to this local strip club near our house. He's gone there before but hasn't since we have been together. (5 years) We are always joking about going their together. Another thing, at least your boyfriend told you about this. He could have gone and never mention it to you. It's ok that you don't like it and you can tell him how you feel but let him know it's his choice if he wants to go not yours and you won't be mad if he goes.

 
Old 02-16-2004, 08:03 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: MA
Posts: 522
TeTr01 HB User
Re: stripclubs

I agree that there is a big difference between going once in a while & going all the time. Obviously I wouldn't exactly be happy with my BF going all the time... but I know he wouldn't do that & I trust that he wouldn't behind my back as well. He tells me if he wants to do things like that, so I have nothing to worry about.

But if we are talking about someone who is constantly going, then maybe there is a reason for that. I don't think that's what you (the original poster) meant, I think you were just talking about a 1 time thing which I just don't think is a big deal & I wouldn't think it fair of you to tell him that he CAN'T go.

 
Old 02-16-2004, 09:41 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 153
JayLynn HB User
Re: stripclubs

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma2
Everyone brought up really good points about trust and asking permission, etc. You really can't forbid him to go. That's too controlling. If you're uncomfortable with it you have to decide if you can handle it or not.

I personally wouldn't want my bf going to strip clubs all of the time. I've heard of what goes on, and contrary to popular belief, things like oral sex and sometimes even regular sex do occur.Lap dances are very contact oriented, and the guys *ahem* finish. Boyfriends will never tell you this though.

Bachelor parties almost always involve some kind of sex. I have many male friends and unfortunately, I know what really goes on.

I'm sorry to say all of this, because I know its upsetting, but it is the truth.

I don't know that I totally agree with what you said. I do agree that in some clubs, sex does occur, but I don't believe that is going to happen from a guy going one time with some friends. I worked at a strip club a few years back, and it was a topless bar, which with topless bars, the dancers do have more contact, as in a nude club, the dancers are not allowed to have any contact with the customer. I worked at the club for a couple years and I saw a lot of different men coming in for different reasons. With the younger guys, most just wanted to hang out, drink beer, listen to music and joke amongst each other about the nice *** that just walked by. It was the regulars that came in that asked for sex. I never participated in any of the sex for money deals I heard of, but I know that it happened outside of the club and not in the club. If you go to these fancy club that do allow contact and full nudity, where there are private rooms where you pay a lot of money for private dances, well, most men want something for all that money and some girls will give more than just a dance. In my opinion, we should know our men. Deep down, we know what kind of character they have and if you suspect they are doing something than having a good time with friends, and you know your man would get embarassed by a girl dancing for him, don't worry about it. If you man starts talking about he wants to bring another girl in the bedroom with you, or large amounts of money are disappearing, or BIG tip - if he comes home smelling like smoke with glitter on his collar on a regular basis, he might have a problem. Some men do get addicted to the fantasy of it all.

 
Old 02-16-2004, 10:05 PM   #10
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: PA
Posts: 151
Emma2 HB User
Re: stripclubs

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayLynn
I don't know that I totally agree with what you said. I do agree that in some clubs, sex does occur, but I don't believe that is going to happen from a guy going one time with some friends. I worked at a strip club a few years back, and it was a topless bar, which with topless bars, the dancers do have more contact, as in a nude club, the dancers are not allowed to have any contact with the customer. I worked at the club for a couple years and I saw a lot of different men coming in for different reasons. With the younger guys, most just wanted to hang out, drink beer, listen to music and joke amongst each other about the nice *** that just walked by. It was the regulars that came in that asked for sex. I never participated in any of the sex for money deals I heard of, but I know that it happened outside of the club and not in the club. If you go to these fancy club that do allow contact and full nudity, where there are private rooms where you pay a lot of money for private dances, well, most men want something for all that money and some girls will give more than just a dance. In my opinion, we should know our men. Deep down, we know what kind of character they have and if you suspect they are doing something than having a good time with friends, and you know your man would get embarassed by a girl dancing for him, don't worry about it. If you man starts talking about he wants to bring another girl in the bedroom with you, or large amounts of money are disappearing, or BIG tip - if he comes home smelling like smoke with glitter on his collar on a regular basis, he might have a problem. Some men do get addicted to the fantasy of it all.
Well said. I especially like this part BIG tip - if he comes home smelling like smoke with glitter on his collar on a regular basis, he might have a problem

LOL

I knew someone who worked at a club, and she told me some really nasty things. A lot of it depends on the club..some are really skanky.

I wouldn't want a guy who went all the time. That is like an addiction, and you know they're probably doing something then. I know someone who's like that...don't know how his wife deals with it.

~Emma

~emma

 
Old 02-16-2004, 10:08 PM   #11
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: PA
Posts: 151
Emma2 HB User
Re: stripclubs

oops! I posted my name twice. Sorry.

 
Old 02-17-2004, 10:40 AM   #12
Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: NH
Posts: 492
supertrooper HB User
Re: stripclubs

anonymous08, what else can you tell us?

How often are we talking about? The occasional bachelor party type visit, or a regular kind of thing? If it's regular then I see it as a problem, especially if it takes time away from you on a regular basis. It really is a version of porn. How interactive it is is up to him.

Is he going with a group of guys or does he want to go alone? I'm going to assume it is in a group. Keeping him from an occasional good time with his friends will set you up as his warden. He either has to "obey" you or work around you. IMO, not a balanced relationship. If you don't trust him not to do something inappropriate then that is a different issue.
__________________
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do." Dale Carnegie

 
Old 02-17-2004, 02:11 PM   #13
Inactive
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Western USA
Posts: 1,774
Ninispjc HB User
Re: stripclubs

It's not an issue of whether you should "let" him go. For me, the issue is whether or not you want to be with a guy who wants to go to strip clubs? It depends on your moral basis and what you're willing to live with. whether you "let" him go or not, he will want to, and will probably go anyway, and become sneaky and secretive about it. For me, I have a pretty strict moral code and wouldn't want to be with a man who wanted to go to a strip club. If I found out my guy liked going to them, I'd leave him. It's up to you. How much does it bother you, is this still the type of guy you would want as the father of your kids, etc?

 
Old 02-17-2004, 04:59 PM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,390
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
(I like your answer, Ninispjc.)

Strip clubs are sex for money, not unlike prostitution or the porn industry. It's all a matter of where you draw the line and how much you can live with. It is completely a personal opinion. While I totally agree that you can't tell him whether he can go or not, I do think you have a right not to like it, to draw that line where you feel it matters to you. And he can either respect that or not...

 
Old 02-17-2004, 07:27 PM   #15
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 70
anonymous08 HB User
Re: stripclubs

I do agree that it is a moral about him going. I don't think that the man i want to be with for the rest of my life should be going to pay to see other naked women. I would rather be the only woman that can please him like the lady of a mans life should do. I also would never "control" what he does and say what he can or can't do. It is up to him what he does, all i do is voice my opinion on how i would feel if he went.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Help! Caught husband at strip club last night! Bigirlsdontcry Relationship Health 40 01-02-2008 08:02 AM
Tammy Faye died form lung cancer 7/20, how do people get lung cancer? nokoBot General Health 4 07-23-2007 05:45 PM
Hoow do I tell her..... while still keeping her as a friend? oluwatelemi Relationship Health 58 04-08-2007 09:09 AM
why will this marriage not end excaliburgrl Relationship Health 6 02-11-2006 03:54 PM
should i care? SarahArnett243 Relationship Health 19 10-12-2005 12:16 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



lenvegas (12), rosequartz (8), writeleft (6), Kszan (5), Titchou (4), Kali333 (4), solofelix (4), captjane (4), Tivo123 (4), ladybud (4)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1166), MSJayhawk (999), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (667), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:11 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!