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Old 02-22-2004, 07:15 AM   #1
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Diamond141 HB User
When they say they'll call, then don't

Ok, what do I do when a guy with whom I am seeing, whom I just saw thurs night, and who stayed the night, says he'll call me on saturday and doesn't? I read the thread on setting boundries, it was great. At this point i'm not afraid to do what I need to do to make my life better and that includes not being a doormat.
Do I ignore the next time he calls me? Do I say something? Do I call him and ask him why he didn't call? Do I act as if nothing happened and it didnt bother me? I'm tired of being unhappy, life is too short, no matter how much I like him, i'm just not getting the companionship I need, only the sex it seems......

 
Old 02-22-2004, 07:18 AM   #2
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

There are exceptions, but men don't usually invest alot emotionally into a relationship that begins with sex.
If you allow some time for friendship, laughs, companionship BEFORE having sex you will stand a better chance of catching his TRUE interest...

 
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Old 02-22-2004, 07:24 AM   #3
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Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

Hello, First off, how long have you dated him before you had SEX with him? Sometimes it helps to wait to have sex with someone. I'm not saying what you did was wrong, but guys don't always call a girl back when they get what they want.
If he calls again, say "what happened to you on Saturday"? see what his response is. YOU deserve better than "oh I forgot" or "some lame excuse". I personally would blow him off and move on. When someone says they are going to call then they call, in this day of cell phones, email, and home phones there really is NO excuse not to call.. Good luck.

 
Old 02-22-2004, 07:29 AM   #4
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Diamond141 HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

I didn't date him for long before we had sex. I regret it now. I was just out of one bad relationship, and the chemistry seemed so right. I dont know if there's anything I can do to change that now...





Quote:
Originally Posted by ravekane
Hello, First off, how long have you dated him before you had SEX with him? Sometimes it helps to wait to have sex with someone. I'm not saying what you did was wrong, but guys don't always call a girl back when they get what they want.
If he calls again, say "what happened to you on Saturday"? see what his response is. YOU deserve better than "oh I forgot" or "some lame excuse". I personally would blow him off and move on. When someone says they are going to call then they call, in this day of cell phones, email, and home phones there really is NO excuse not to call.. Good luck.

 
Old 02-22-2004, 08:54 AM   #5
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always HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

..there's always a chance for change....
could you talk to him about it?... he may not realize that missing a call hurts you... or there may be a logical reason he didn't call... -you could also... maybe... cut back on the sex a little, and as Ruth6:11 said, allow some time for friendship... relationships seem better when you allow time for friendship... even before the technicality of dating... best of luck-
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Old 02-22-2004, 12:23 PM   #6
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promisez HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

I have to know someone before its beddy bye time. We need to be friends, know what we like and dislike, do simple things together to see if we CAN be in a relationship. He got what he wanted from you and moved on. I would just chalk it up to a learning experience and move on also. There is a huge difference between sex and loving someone unconditionally in thought and action while together. Each individual must set the limits for themselves within those areas as to what is acceptable. Hopefully that helps a bit.

 
Old 02-22-2004, 02:53 PM   #7
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamond141
... I'm tired of being unhappy, life is too short, no matter how much I like him, i'm just not getting the companionship I need, only the sex it seems......
What do you mean "the companionship I need"? Is this a general statement or specific to this guy. If it is specific to this guy, you may have to look elsewhere for the companionship you seek. That may depend on how long you have been seeing this guy.

Since you already got the sex out of the way, you can ask him anything. Call him up and ask him why he didn't call. Just be casual about it. That doesn't mean he will give you an honest answer though. It's obvious this is bothering you. You might also consider telling him where you stand and what you are looking for in a relationship. Get it all out in the open. You may win or you may not, but as you said "Life is too short". So, don't let him make all the moves here. You will continue being a "door mat" if you do.

Hoop

Last edited by Hoop; 02-22-2004 at 02:53 PM.

 
Old 02-22-2004, 03:17 PM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

hello,

They should be no reason why he never called you after he mentioned that he would. Being a guy there is also an exception to this rule. If you both just met at a club and exchange #'s you may not here from him in a few days. The reason why some guys are like this is because they dont' want to sound as if they are obcess with you.

 
Old 02-23-2004, 06:29 AM   #9
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Jennak HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

This is a tough position to be in... I don't think that the woman should be faulted in this kind of scenerio for sleeping with someone "too soon" because frankly, the ultimate mixed message is sent when the man is pushing for sex for some time, then seems shocked that you finally gave him what he "wanted"...(and by this time, what you wanted too...). I think it's called the Madonna syndrome or something... you can't win if that's the case.

jenna

 
Old 02-23-2004, 08:23 AM   #10
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supertrooper HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

Sometimes guys put their girls into two categories: those they date and those they sleep with. It can be difficult to move from the second category to the first. There's no nice way to ask this but, is this typical sexual behavior for you?
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Old 02-23-2004, 12:50 PM   #11
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Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

I think what you should do depends on what you want. You say you want companionship, not just sex. I'm not judging, but finding companionship with a guy you sleep with before you've formed a friendship is highly unlikely. In fact, in some cases, even after you've been friends, you still don't get the companionship after you've "given it up." I'd say just leave the guy alone. If he does happen to call, tell him what you've told us. Tell him you need a guy who calls when he says he's going to call and who doesn't blow you off for days. Tell him casual sex with some guy who you don't know you'll ever hear from again is not what you're looking for right now, thank him for his time and say goodbye. Life's too short, love is too hard to find, and there are too many disease out there to waste time worrying over some jerk who didn't care enough about you to call. Forget him, and if you're the type of woman who gets hurt when you sleep with someone and they don't call, then you'd be doing yourself a huge favor by not sleeping with anyone until you know they will call, until you've forged a relationship and you know he can be trusted.

 
Old 02-23-2004, 12:57 PM   #12
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supertrooper HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninispjc
I think what you should do depends on what you want. You say you want companionship, not just sex. I'm not judging, but finding companionship with a guy you sleep with before you've formed a friendship is highly unlikely. In fact, in some cases, even after you've been friends, you still don't get the companionship after you've "given it up." I'd say just leave the guy alone. If he does happen to call, tell him what you've told us. Tell him you need a guy who calls when he says he's going to call and who doesn't blow you off for days. Tell him casual sex with some guy who you don't know you'll ever hear from again is not what you're looking for right now, thank him for his time and say goodbye. Life's too short, love is too hard to find, and there are too many disease out there to waste time worrying over some jerk who didn't care enough about you to call. Forget him, and if you're the type of woman who gets hurt when you sleep with someone and they don't call, then you'd be doing yourself a huge favor by not sleeping with anyone until you know they will call, until you've forged a relationship and you know he can be trusted.
BRAVO! Well said.
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Old 02-23-2004, 06:12 PM   #13
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Unhappy Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

Quote:
Originally Posted by supertrooper
BRAVO! Well said.
Yes, you are all right. I was just out of a 2 year relationship and this is the first guy I slept with since then. You can bet I will NEVER sleep with someone so fast again, what a mistake. It really hurts but i'm not going to call him and keep telling myself that I am wasting my time. If he really wants to see me, he would call. My feelings have been on such a roller coaster, but when/if he does call again, I 'm going to tell him somehow what I want and if it's not what what he wants, then I'm sure there is someone else who would be happy with me.
Thanks again everyone, it's not easy and very painful but I will get over it...i hope....

 
Old 02-24-2004, 07:12 AM   #14
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promisez HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamond141
My feelings have been on such a roller coaster, but when/if he does call again, I 'm going to tell him somehow what I want and if it's not what what he wants, then I'm sure there is someone else who would be happy with me.
Thanks again everyone, it's not easy and very painful but I will get over it...i hope....
Yes, there will be someone for you and they will show up when you least expect it. Now lets take that pain away. It's only painful if we hurt ourselves and learn nothing. You learned something so rather then be in pain, maybe take it as a prelude to a smile and be proud of yourself that you learned something?. Hard lesson to learn but you've come through it as a winner in my book, smile at the lady in the mirror and treat her to a caramel cappuccino

 
Old 02-27-2004, 08:30 AM   #15
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backtomyoldself HB User
Re: When they say they'll call, then don't

Hi. I am just wondering how you are doing now. I am also in the same situation as you; mind you, it both happened to us on the same day but mine never promised he'd call. As hard as it may seem, I think everybody is right advising you not to waste your time in something like this (easy to say, hard to do). This is an awkward situation to be in....I have never imagined to be hurt as much as I was (still is, but not like a few days ago). I say learn to accept what happened, learn from it, and move on. If he calls then fine, if not, then fine, too.

I hope to hear from you and feel better, ok?

 
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