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Old 02-22-2004, 08:32 PM   #1
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sweetkrissy4 HB User
Unhappy married men looking at naked women

Hello,
I have been married now for 8 months, and I found out my husband is looking at naked women online at night after I have gone to bed. He says all men do this, but I know from my past expirence that touching comes next. I know he loves me dearly, and wouldn't go that far. But the looking at the naked women really bother me. if this isn't normal how can I help stop him from doing this. but if this is normal how can I over come my unsecure feelings I get when he does this?

 
Old 02-23-2004, 05:34 AM   #2
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cloverberry HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

I wouldn't be happy if my husband was looking at Porn. Did you talk to him, tell him it makes you unhappy. Give him something to think about. Maybe some marriage counceling would help. Not that you have a problem with your marriage but you both can talk about what makes you unhappy about the other person and maybe find some answers.

 
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Old 02-23-2004, 06:46 AM   #3
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sweetkrissy4 HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

I have talked to him, and he is aware that this is really hurting me. He has said he wouldn't do it again. but this is the second time I found out he was looking at it. The first time I found it, and got up set he said he wouldn't do it again, and then I just found out he was still doing it. He has never been married and he is over 30 years old. He says that it is an old habbit from his single days. He does this late at night well after I go to bed, because I have to be up at 5am for work. I love him a lot, and I don't want this to affect our marriage, because if I can get rid of this problem we do have a really good marriage.. I do think maybe some counceling might be good though. Thank you.

 
Old 02-23-2004, 06:53 AM   #4
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

sweetkrissy4 - You poor thing. Only been married for 8 months and he's checking out porn? Is he looking for new sex ideas? positions for you?
I could see if you were married for 5+years...Yes is it normal for a guy to look at porn but I find it hard to believe a new husband would be doing this. Your not being insecure, it's more like confused? I know I would be...and ****** too if my husband of 8 months did this. How long have you been together before you were married?
Did he look at porn/naked woman web sites before??? I have no issues with sex nor if my boyfriend of 5 years was checking out the sites for a short period of time...if that's what turned him on but he was faithful to me and just checking but I have been with him for 5 years..If my boyfriend did this when we 1st moved in together after a year of seeing him...I would not like it!
I wouldn't stop him cause I'm not one to tell someone what to do but I would reconcider my living arrangement with the man..I'm not telling you to do this because you just got married..I just don't want you to feel insecure about your feelings cause your not insecure like I said more like confused and upset and you have a right to be...
Hope this helps.

 
Old 02-23-2004, 07:45 AM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

I agree with " GirlHarley" that since you have been only married for 8 months then she should be cooling it on the online porn.

From a guys prospective though, looking at porn is just somthing that most men do. Looking at it is not considered cheating. Men look at porn because of the fantasy behind it. Ordinary guys do not get those type of girls in Playboy. I am sure he loves you dearly and he just does this to excite his form of entertainment.

I wouldn't have a huge worry about this, but I would consider talking with him if this is bother you a lot. My GF spoke to me about it and I discontinued my actions or keeping it around. If he really cared about your concern we would do somthing about it but for some reason nature has brought it that most guys have a fetish into porn...

 
Old 02-23-2004, 09:14 AM   #6
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supertrooper HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetkrissy4
I have talked to him, and he is aware that this is really hurting me. He has said he wouldn't do it again. but this is the second time I found out he was looking at it. The first time I found it, and got up set he said he wouldn't do it again, and then I just found out he was still doing it. He has never been married and he is over 30 years old. He says that it is an old habbit from his single days. He does this late at night well after I go to bed, because I have to be up at 5am for work. I love him a lot, and I don't want this to affect our marriage, because if I can get rid of this problem we do have a really good marriage.. I do think maybe some counceling might be good though. Thank you.
For a lot of guys porn IS a habit. How it affect their lives and the lives of their loved ones decides if it is a problem. I guess I wonder why after being married only 8 months you two aren't going to bed TOGETHER? You don't want to be put in the position of being his warden, so you need to try to work out some kind of compromise that he can stick to and that you are comfortable with. Otherwise, it's off to the counselor you go! In other threads are posts from women who let this problem go on to the point where it is a major friction point in the relationship. Don't let that happen.
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Old 02-23-2004, 09:39 AM   #7
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Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

Hello, I am sorry to confuse you, my husband has a laptop computer that he takes to bed with him sometimes. He does go to bed at the same time I do, but since I am up at 5 am and he doesn't have to be up until 9am he stays up well pass me, and I found that is when he is doing this.. I don't think I should have to babysit him, especially so late at night. but in the same I now don't like him taking the computer in our room... How can I stop him from getting up after I am asleep? I really am thankful for all of you who are trying to give me some advice on this... What would be a considerable compromise that I could ask? I don't want this to blossom into a major problem, I would like to fix it now... We have been together almost 2 years now, and I am hoping for many more..

Thank you everyone for taking your time to help me...

 
Old 02-23-2004, 10:34 AM   #8
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devastated HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

I think that most men do look at porn, as do a very high percentage of women. I, a female, don't see anything wrong with it....although I know others have different opinions, and I'm not trying to put those down. I don't think looking at porn will "lead to touching". My boyfriend looks at porn..online and magazines and movies, and I enjoy looking with him...we even have a subscription to Penthouse and Playboy. He uses it to masterbate to sometimes while I'm not around, he doesn't try to hide that, and I don't mind. I would mind, however, if it was something he did ALL the time, or neglicted me in favor of porn. I wouldn't want my partner telling me what I could or couldn't look at, I mean, it's just pictures. I think it's fine to look, as long as you don't touch.

 
Old 02-23-2004, 11:00 AM   #9
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eightball61 HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by devastated
I think that most men do look at porn, as do a very high percentage of women. I, a female, don't see anything wrong with it....although I know others have different opinions, and I'm not trying to put those down. I don't think looking at porn will "lead to touching". My boyfriend looks at porn..online and magazines and movies, and I enjoy looking with him...we even have a subscription to Penthouse and Playboy. He uses it to masterbate to sometimes while I'm not around, he doesn't try to hide that, and I don't mind. I would mind, however, if it was something he did ALL the time, or neglicted me in favor of porn. I wouldn't want my partner telling me what I could or couldn't look at, I mean, it's just pictures. I think it's fine to look, as long as you don't touch.

It can bring out the best to a relationship...good thinking "devasted"

 
Old 02-23-2004, 11:31 AM   #10
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fisherwoman HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

Most men do do it. How often they do it and why they do it ,varies alot.That's what I'm trying to figure out over on Mens Sexual Health. Does he wake you up in the middle of the night to have sex after looking? How often do you have sex? If he has been doing this with regularity through out his life,then it may not be easy for him to stop. It was alot better in the old days when a guy had to go buy a magazine, or go rent a video. Now it's non stop access,at your fingertips,to alot of things that were'nt so easily accessable before everyone had a computer.

 
Old 02-23-2004, 01:33 PM   #11
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sweetkrissy4 HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
sweetkrissy4 - You poor thing. Only been married for 8 months and he's checking out porn? Is he looking for new sex ideas? positions for you?
I could see if you were married for 5+years...Yes is it normal for a guy to look at porn but I find it hard to believe a new husband would be doing this. Your not being insecure, it's more like confused? I know I would be...and ****** too if my husband of 8 months did this. How long have you been together before you were married?
Did he look at porn/naked woman web sites before??? I have no issues with sex nor if my boyfriend of 5 years was checking out the sites for a short period of time...if that's what turned him on but he was faithful to me and just checking but I have been with him for 5 years..If my boyfriend did this when we 1st moved in together after a year of seeing him...I would not like it!
I wouldn't stop him cause I'm not one to tell someone what to do but I would reconcider my living arrangement with the man..I'm not telling you to do this because you just got married..I just don't want you to feel insecure about your feelings cause your not insecure like I said more like confused and upset and you have a right to be...
Hope this helps.
Hello, well I would have at first thought it was for new ideas except he never told me that he did that. the first time I found out I was using his laptop and he had it saved to his favorites, and the second time I found out was when he did a fertility home test, and later I asked him, he didn't think I would find out because it was after I had already gone to bed, and he doesn't save it any more.. he was single for many years, and didn't date much so he used that as a useful aide for his self.. But now we are together, and we seem to have had a good relationship not only in bed but out as well... It would be one thing if he looked and woke me up for something, but he doesn't.

 
Old 02-23-2004, 01:47 PM   #12
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sweetkrissy4 HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fisherwoman
Most men do do it. How often they do it and why they do it ,varies alot.That's what I'm trying to figure out over on Mens Sexual Health. Does he wake you up in the middle of the night to have sex after looking? How often do you have sex? If he has been doing this with regularity through out his life,then it may not be easy for him to stop. It was alot better in the old days when a guy had to go buy a magazine, or go rent a video. Now it's non stop access,at your fingertips,to alot of things that were'nt so easily accessable before everyone had a computer.
No he doesn't wake me up at all, and he doesn't even tell me that he would like to try anything new, or that he is even looking. as for how often, it depends on how often I remind him it has been a week or a few days, then we do... He does want it his self sometimes, but I can't really say how much because that changes week to week. At times I wish computers where not so available, because of this... as for him, he didn't date much before we got together so yes he looked at it with a regular bases. But now he doesn't need to, I am happy enough giving him what he likes, but it just doesn't seem to be enough for him to stop.. That is why I am asking if there is anything I can do to make it better... I hate feeling that when we are in bed that maybe he is picturing one of those girls instead of me... That is what makes this the hardest to get over....

 
Old 02-23-2004, 02:15 PM   #13
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Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

this post made me cry...my hubby has done the very same thing...twice too...the second time he was doing it purposely to hurt me (he thought i was having an affair)...he knew i would catch him...

i almost left him over it...but we talked a lot about it and i made him realize that it's either me or pornl...is a still picture worth giving up a marraige...marriage councelling is a good idea...we are going to give it a shot...let me know how it goes...

i'm really insecure too...everytime i post something about this topic, people thrash at me because all guys supposedly do it and get over it...but it's really hurtful...i'm right there...he can come to me if he wants to see a naked woman...

another thing that has helped us, is we made our own video...that way if i'm sleeping he can look at that...have you guys tried something like that...
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Old 02-23-2004, 03:13 PM   #14
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sweetkrissy4 HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

Quote:
Originally Posted by villagegal68455
this post made me cry...my hubby has done the very same thing...twice too...the second time he was doing it purposely to hurt me (he thought i was having an affair)...he knew i would catch him...

i almost left him over it...but we talked a lot about it and i made him realize that it's either me or pornl...is a still picture worth giving up a marraige...marriage councelling is a good idea...we are going to give it a shot...let me know how it goes...

i'm really insecure too...everytime i post something about this topic, people thrash at me because all guys supposedly do it and get over it...but it's really hurtful...i'm right there...he can come to me if he wants to see a naked woman...

another thing that has helped us, is we made our own video...that way if i'm sleeping he can look at that...have you guys tried something like that...
Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one that feels like this.. I am considering some counseling but the vedio idea is also good. I will let you know how this works out.. I do love him but I can not compete with the women that does those pictures... Thank you again for understanding... also thank you to everyone else that took time to help me out... I really am thankful no one has trashed me about this... it is hard enough without others coming down on me for it as well... Thank you everyone...

 
Old 02-24-2004, 03:02 AM   #15
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villagegal68455 HB User
Re: is it normal for married men to look at naked women?

i wish you the best of look on this...i know it isn't easy...i know part of my problem with it is insecurities...i keep telling myself if i wasn't so insecure than the whole thing would be fine....back when we first got together, we used to play dirty dice and other things with groups of people and i was totally fine...we even went to porn shops together...but once we got serious, i clammed up...don't know why...maybe us ladies are afraid that we don't have enough to offer them physically or sexually...but whatever the case, we don't like the porn...and in my heart, i think our mates should respect when we don't like them doing something...my hubby is insecure too and has asked me not to go into chatrooms or look at porn...i oblige because what goes around comes around and i respect his opinions on things...

i hope that one of two things happens to u and i...either our mates respect our decision not to have them look at porn or else we can lighten up a little bit in the future...i'm sure if i was a tall blond with the body of a porn star, i'd be able to deal with it, but i'm not....i'm short, almost shapeless, with brown hair...lol

keep in touch and let me know how the video thing goes...that actually took a lot of stress off of me when i thought about him gazing at other women at his tdys or when i'm just not home...

remember, you are NOT alone in this...there are a lot of women who disapprove of porno...some just choose not to say anything...let me know about the councelling too...we haven't set a date to go yet, but i know eventually i would like too...just don't know what to expect...
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