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Old 03-01-2004, 06:52 AM   #1
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Phoenixprouk HB User
Arrow Cant go on without this!

Ok, its been a while since i had sex, actually its been a couple of years, and im dying for it so badly, i know this will sound weird, but i need it, its so hard to deal with, and im afraid ill end up doing a one night stand, i have alot of respect for women and i dont want to end up like one those guys who does the dirty and runs.

so what can i do to help with this problem ?

 
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Old 03-01-2004, 08:59 AM   #2
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Are you masturbating in the meantime? Where are you trying to meet ladies?There should be many places that you can meet some nice ladies who are also interested in a relationship, concerts, hobby clubs, libraries, to mention a few.
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Old 03-01-2004, 02:52 PM   #3
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Have you tried posting on some of the online dating services to meet someone with whom you share common interests?

 
Old 03-01-2004, 04:52 PM   #4
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Keep yourself busy with a variety of activities. Start a project. Build something. Dig in the dirt. Go running, biking, skating. Anything to keep yourself from being bored. Seriously, physical activity (in my opinion) is good for clearing the mind. Even better if you get a good workout, because you'll get the endorphin rush. It's good to hear how much respect for women you have. You obviously must, if you've taken the time to post this.
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Old 03-03-2004, 11:33 AM   #5
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Thanks all, i actually been going to the gym everyday and it seems to help, im not masterbating, its not quite the same :-( still, im out tomorrow night ;-)

 
Old 03-03-2004, 12:58 PM   #6
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Re: Cant go on without this!

You say you have respect for women yet you seem to just want one for a one night stand? Has the idea of a relationship ever entered your mind?

 
Old 03-06-2004, 08:49 AM   #7
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Keep going try to avoid masterbation and look seriously for a relationship. Good luck

 
Old 03-06-2004, 12:51 PM   #8
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Your attitude is all wrong, but don't feel bad, you are not alone. A typical one night stand does not automatically imply disrespect for women. You and others here seem to have this,... well typical american attitude towards sex. What attitude? I'll tell you at the end of this post. You need to define what a one night stand is to you more specifically but, I will try to give you my explanation.

If you meet someone at a club for the first time and end up having sex that same evening, it should be generally understood that no commitment has taken place in this short time span. It may develop into it over time or it may not, but no promises or commitments have been made and it certainly is not disrespecful towards women when it is consentual between the two parties. If however, you date someone for, let's say a couple of months and then have a one night stand, then I would think it is wrong simply because it leaves the the other party thinking that it was developing into a relationship when it wasn't. However, this does not seen to be a very logical approach, to date someone for two months or so just for a one night stand. I guess it happens but it sure is a waste of time, effort and money just for one night. Actually, it's stupid, in addition to being deceitful and disrepectful. The reality though, when a person intends to be deceitful in a case like this, he may lead the other party to believe that a relationship is developing just to continue having sex and that is also wrong in my opinion.

When you make the statement " you don't want to be one of those guys that does the dirty deed and run" tells me you have the wrong attitude in your approach towards sex. I know it is a figure of speech, but there is nothing dirty about sex.

If you want a relationship then go for that, there is nothing wrong with it. But, if you just want sex then go for that, there is nothing wrong with that either as long as you are not misleading the other party and go around making promises you don't intend to keep or fulfill.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with your attitude, it is just wrong if you get my drift. The above sentence may sound totally contradictory but if you think about it, you should understand what I am trying to say.

For anyone (males specifically) that has done extensive traveling outside the U.S, to foreign countries, it shouldn't take long for them to figure out the US. american population ranks right up there as having the most repressive sexual attitudes of any developed nation in the world. That's the american attitude. I don't make the rules. That's just the way it is.

As I see it, there is sex, there are relationships, and there is intimacy or love if you want to call it that. They all three can go together but they don't have to and don't always do. But being able to separate and distinguish between them will go a long way in understanding what it's all about. It's up to you, but if you are not looking for a relationship and just want sex, then your current attitude is keeping you from enjoying a big part of life. Consider and weigh the risks, go out, have fun and respect everyone. I do and always have. And that is that.


Hoop

 
Old 03-14-2004, 08:19 AM   #9
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Re: Cant go on without this!

why on earth should he avoid masturbation? it perfectly normal.

 
Old 03-14-2004, 11:59 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenixprouk
Ok, its been a while since i had sex, actually its been a couple of years, and im dying for it so badly, i know this will sound weird, but i need it, its so hard to deal with, and im afraid ill end up doing a one night stand, i have alot of respect for women and i dont want to end up like one those guys who does the dirty and runs.

so what can i do to help with this problem ?
Well, you've gotten some good advice on how to meet women, so I think as long as your plan is trying to start a relationship with a woman whom you hope to eventually have sex with (which it seems to be), then you should be working towards meeting more women. And in the meantime, masturbate to relieve your sexual tension, so that that isn't your goal (finding someone to just relieve your sexual needs).

How to avoid being one of those guys? Make sure you are interested in the woman for more than just sex. Make sure you KNOW you are interested in calling her the next day, and the next week. There is nothing wrong with that attitude. It is very admirable actually. Not everyone is into being a 'player' or believes you're 'repressed' if you're not.

 
Old 03-14-2004, 03:17 PM   #11
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Re: Cant go on without this!

My answer to this question varies depending on the reason you have not had sex. You said it has been several years, why have you waited so long? Without knowing why you have waited I can only offer a couple of suggestions.

First, masturbate. It's normal fun and helps to relieve a lot of the stress. I know it's not as good as the real thing but it does help and in more ways than you might think. Women know when a guy is after sex and it is usually a big turn off early on in the dating process. Masturbating helps to relieve some of this immediate need and lets you be more relaxed around the ladies thus increasing your chances of getting laid. Ironic isn't it?

Second, if insecurities are preventing you from persuing a steady girlfriend then I would suggest discussing them with your peers here on the message board or with your close friends IRL. You are anonymous on these boards so you can feel free to say things that you wouldn't normally say to others. Another more contraversial suggestion depending on your religious and moral standards, visit a legal Nevada brothel or request a full service escort service. You can build your skills and confidence with someone who is there to please and doesn't want a long term relationship. Once you see yourself as sexually attractive and confident you will be able to find women who are interested in you more easily. If you have ANY reservations or think you would feel shame about that last suggestion I would not take it, it will only cause more issues for you to deal with.

 
Old 03-15-2004, 07:41 AM   #12
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Thisby, I don't think Hoop was suggesting that someone either be a player or a virgin, nor do I think he was exactly saying that someone is repressed if they have respect for women. But I can see how his post might have come off that way.

I do have to agree, though, that it sounds as if the original poster is operating from a mistaken set of assumptions in the first place. Suggesting that any situation in which a woman would engage in a casual one-night stand with a man is one of disrespect and unequal power paints a picture of the man as a moralless sexual predator and the woman as a hapless victim, emotionally hamstrung by men's baser desires and her own nesting instincts. I'm sure there are many women out there who would disagree with this assessment. Sometimes, women want it just as badly --- and just as casually --- as men. Anyone ever watch a little show called "Sex and the City"? If the original poster is assuming that any time a woman would go home with him for a one-night stand, he would be taking advantage of that woman and disrespecting all womanhood, he's making an erroneous assumption. Let's give women a little more credit than that, huh?

I think the key here --- and I think this is what Hoop was rightly getting at --- is the honesty level. How a person portays him- or her-self during that should-we-go-home-together-negotiation period is the crucial determinant of whether someone is being taken advantage of or not. There are many subtle ways in which a person could give the impression that the sex that's about to happen is the start of something more serious and long-term, and that would be wrong to do (to anyone) if it wasn't heartfelt. But let's face it, a person doesn't have to promise (or subtly suggest) marriage or even a second date in order to go home with someone, and if a woman (or man) goes home with someone with their eyes wide open, knowing nothing about the future is being promised, than where is the iniquity in that? That is an even, honest "meeting of the minds" --- and bodies.
Of course, you never really know where someone else's head is at, and that's why a person of conscience makes every effort to sincerely represent themselves and their intentions to any possible hook-ups, long or short term.

That was a bit off topic, but to get back on topic, yeah, I don't get why the poster doesn't masturbate, either. What's wrong with masturbation? Sure, it's not the same, but it's better than nothin'.

 
Old 03-18-2004, 02:10 AM   #13
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Kalika HB User
Re: Cant go on without this!

If you don't masturbate at all, I can see why you're sexually frustrated. Some of the suggestions on here are pretty good, but what antares_wish said, why has it been a couple of years since you had sex? Is there a specific reason?

 
Old 03-18-2004, 03:31 AM   #14
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Re: Cant go on without this!

well in my other post i said about how picky i was, my breakup before was pretty bad, but now i think im begining to see that light a the end of the tunnel everyone keeps telling me about...

 
Old 03-18-2004, 05:12 AM   #15
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Re: Cant go on without this!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisby

How to avoid being one of those guys? Make sure you are interested in the woman for more than just sex. Make sure you KNOW you are interested in calling her the next day, and the next week. There is nothing wrong with that attitude. It is very admirable actually. Not everyone is into being a 'player' or believes you're 'repressed' if you're not.
I agree with you 100%. There is nothing wrong with that attitude specifically. The "wrong attitude" statement is not all inclusive. What I find wrong is the two extremes in how he is approaching this dilema. On one hand he has an admirable quality/attitude and his heart is in the right place, to treat others the way he would like to be treated. On the other hand, to be blunt about it, he has blue balls.

What I'm saying is, a person can have casual sex, a one night stand and respect for others at the same time. It doesn't always seem that way, when guys (and maybe girls) go around bragging about it (naming names) as if it is some sort of conquest. Treating and talking about others with respect is how you really avoid being one of those guys. This philosophy applies to more than just sex.

It may be just a one night stand or it can develop into something more. Getting sex out of the way first takes care of that issue right off the bat and allows a couple to concentrate on the other qualities that make a relationship work or they will know not to waste any more time with each other and go separate ways. It's just another way to approach a possible relationship. It's neither better or worse.

So, that is "what" is wrong with his attitude, but there is nothing wrong with "his" attitude, if you know what I mean.


Hoop

Last edited by Hoop; 03-18-2004 at 05:14 AM.

 
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