Dh and I don't have sex that often, he has a low sex drive. When we do, I take a long time to have an orgasm. I need constant movement to achieve it. He has an orgasm after entering three times. He says it's because he gets turned on so much. Once he orgasms, he goes limp pretty quickly... even if he keeps moving inside(someone else I knew was able to keep an erection while inside and then have sex again). I told him a possible remedy is to think about other things. He says he tries, but gets overwhelmed anyway. We tried holding the end of his penis and it stopped anything from happening, but we would have to stop after another minute because he was ready to orgasm again. That isn't exactly helping me orgasm when I need constant movement. He has tried using his fingers to orgasm me, but he is pretty clumsy about it and doesn't keep a constant rhythm.
Our sex life before marriage was great and there have been times where he lasted for quite a while for me to orgasm, but that was a long time ago.
I think for him to be able to last longer, you two need to make love more often. If it's only once in a while it's normal for a guy to not last very long. As far as going soft a minute or two after orgasming I think that's pretty normal too, especially if he's over his mid 30's. Something else that might help him to last longer is get him near orgasm (either through intercourse, oral, manual, whaterver) then stop stimulation for a couple of minutes or so until he starts to soften up, then repeat bringing him close and stopping again. After several runs of this his sensitivity will start to lessen and he will probably last longer.
As far as your orgasm, unless he can get to where he can last much longer it might be time for him to bring out the vibrator to finish you off. Either that or have you orgasm first from whatever method you favor.
I think for him to be able to last longer, you two need to make love more often. If it's only once in a while it's normal for a guy to not last very long. As far as going soft a minute or two after orgasming I think that's pretty normal too, especially if he's over his mid 30's. Something else that might help him to last longer is get him near orgasm (either through intercourse, oral, manual, whaterver) then stop stimulation for a couple of minutes or so until he starts to soften up, then repeat bringing him close and stopping again. After several runs of this his sensitivity will start to lessen and he will probably last longer.
As far as your orgasm, unless he can get to where he can last much longer it might be time for him to bring out the vibrator to finish you off. Either that or have you orgasm first from whatever method you favor.
Wow, thanks for responding. I had no idea that it was normal for our situation. I appreciate the honest answer and will try those tips. Would it help if he masterbated frequently as well?
For some reason, some men that at one time could control themselves fairly well lose that control. Sometimes it is becasue they are having sex less often and thus, when they do finally get it, they are so turned on they can't control themselves. You don't say how long it takes him to regain an erection, but if he can get one back after a few minutes, then he can go for round two, where he should be able to last much longer.
Also, be aware that your pressure on him may be making things worse. The more he tries to last longer to make you happy, the more he thinks about it, and the worse job he is able to do. Contrary to what some women believe, it can be dang difficult to hold an ejaculation back, and simply trying to think of something else during sex is not an easy feat to pull off. You are essentially asking the man to go numb. How would you feel as you were approaching that point of no return to all of a sudden turn off that feeling?
Having more sex, as the other poster suggested, can be a great idea. A man can only produce so much semen, so if the sex is often enough, he will eventually run low and should be able to last longer. This is not necessarily a good, long term solution, but it might help.
Finally, note that few women are able to regularly orgam via intercourse. Many couples will use oral and manual techniques on the women to get her off before the man starts intercourse.
If none of this helps, he may wish to see a doctor. There are some medications that might help, but that would be a last resort.
Agree with 6foot and magnatic. Another reason could be his daily life problems, which could put more presure on him and affect his control of ejaculation. I read that long time ago on a medical mag. Thanks
If his sex drive is high more frequent masturbation might help some too. But you said his drive is not real high and the risk he runs with more frequent masturbation is he won't be as much in the mood for more sex. So getting him into bed when you're ready may become more difficult because he's already had sexual release. Then if he's not in the mood to do it, but agrees anyway because you're ready, he may start having trouble staying erect which could lead to performance anxiety and a whole new can of worms.
The younger the faster the ejaculations/ I have found that I last longer the older I get and also the less sperm I give...when I was in my 20's I could produce a good 1/2 cup of sperm and really have the power to blast it out shoot it 5 -6 ft....now its not like that but I do last in duration.
something he might try is an enacer band that fits at the base of the penis....this will control premature ejaculation...but make sure he has it on right and not to tight....he should be able to last a long time with it and if you get your orgasam and he keeps on then simply take off the band.
if he can build up his moment for a while it will feel good to you also you will feel him blast off inside you it will be very warm inside you/unless he is useing a condom!
I had this same problem with my b/f kinda (we had sex quit often) but he was very fast. And he had a complex about it when we first started sleeping together (some of the other women he had been with had said something or made fun of him) and what I did was try to build his self esteem about it and told him it was ok that I loved him and it would get better (although I wasn't real sure but I couldn't let him know that And we just worked on it, when he would get close either way oral or when he was inside of me I would stop everything and I would make him clear his mind and calm down. It took awhile of us doing this but he finally learned how to control himself. But I dont think anyone ever really tried with him to let him try to get control of it, because he was one that pulled the vibrators out early on and I wouldn't let him use it until we worked on him. I think maybe he was use to using that as the alternative to him for not being able to perform, and I think it really hurt his selfesteem. So just be patient and work together and support him and don't let him know that it bothers you, maybe that is why yall aren't real sexually active now, maybe he is embarrassed. But I know that what we now share together was well worth the patients and time that we spent working on it.
Dh and I don't have sex that often, he has a low sex drive. When we do, I take a long time to have an orgasm. I need constant movement to achieve it. He has an orgasm after entering three times. He says it's because he gets turned on so much.
The problem is in the frequency. Start having sex more often and I bet he will be able to last longer.
I must say that I am a bit confused by your first sentence. If hubby has a low sex drive, then why is he getting so turned on when you do have sex?
I have to agree with flood84, I think the more time in a week you have sex the longer he'll last. I don't know about anyone else but if I don't have sex for a few weeks i'm ready to have an orgams if my wife just gives me the look. I know that if it becomes a real problem with some men that mild anti depresent like celexa seems to really help the over excitement thing.
We tried holding the end of his penis and it stopped anything from happening, but we would have to stop after another minute because he was ready to orgasm again. That isn't exactly helping me orgasm when I need constant movement. He has tried using his fingers to orgasm me, but he is pretty clumsy about it and doesn't keep a constant rhythm.
Would it help if he masterbated frequently as well?
And we just worked on it, when he would get close either way oral or when he was inside of me I would stop everything and I would make him clear his mind and calm down. It took awhile of us doing this but he finally learned how to control himself. But I dont think anyone ever really tried with him to let him try to get control of it, because he was one that pulled the vibrators out early on and I wouldn't let him use it until we worked on him. I think maybe he was use to using that as the alternative to him for not being able to perform, and I think it really hurt his selfesteem. So just be patient and work together and support him and don't let him know that it bothers you, maybe that is why yall aren't real sexually active now, maybe he is embarrassed. But I know that what we now share together was well worth the patients and time that we spent working on it.
