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Old 03-10-2004, 06:32 AM   #1
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Is this normal?

A male friend of mine for eight years has recently gotten together with a new female friend of mine. I thought this was great news--until she came to me with some sexual concerns. I really did'nt want to know about getting into the middle of this--but here goes.

She said that every time they have sex, he won't come in her. She's on the pill, everyone is healthy, but he says "The only person I will ever come in is my wife someday." She says that this made her feel like she was just a wh*re or some temporary thing to him.

I on the other hand, know that he got a girl pregnant a few years back, and really feel that it's his place to tell her this.

However, the girl at that time was "supposedly" on the pill, and he pulled out. I have heard of pregancy still happening under those cirumstances, but always felt personally, that that girl was lying to him and pregant by someone else, if at all. I know many women in monogamous relationships, off birth control, who have used the pull-out for decades, as well as let the person come, and never had an unplanned pregancy.

I would like to tell him he needs to relax a little or he is going to ruin things with her, or just advise him to tell her of the experience with the past pregnancy, so that she does not feel so shunned. Then again, I don't want to have him thinking that she discusses every little detail with me, and then he distances himself from me or her. I would really like to see things work out for them. He does'nt like to use condoms. Is his fear even rationale so many years after the fact?

jenna

Last edited by Jennak; 03-10-2004 at 06:36 AM.

 
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Old 03-10-2004, 08:00 AM   #2
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Re: Is this normal?

I am a male, and I really do not like his act. She should tell him not you and clearly tell him: Listen, I donot enjoy pulling out every time. If am not good enough to let in me.. Then find some oneelse.. By the way, men enjoy it more inside, pulling out could be painful some time and could result in men's ultimate nite mare THE PREMATURE EJACULATION..............

 
Old 03-10-2004, 08:06 AM   #3
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Re: Is this normal?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennak
A male friend of mine for eight years has recently gotten together with a new female friend of mine.

She said that every time they have sex, he won't come in her. She's on the pill, everyone is healthy, but he says "The only person I will ever come in is my wife someday." She says that this made her feel like she was just a wh*re or some temporary thing to him.

I on the other hand, know that he got a girl pregnant a few years back, and really feel that it's his place to tell her this.

jenna
First of all, you need to tell your friend that they should be using condoms despite the fact that she is on the birth control pill.

STD's run rampant these days, and some like Hepatitis C and HIV can kill you... will kill you! You can't look at someone and decide if they are disease free or not. Condoms aren't just for birth control protection these days; they are for disease prevention and your friend needs to get on board and current and start making it a 100% policy that any guy she sleeps with has a condom on, and if they don't want to wear one, then NO SEX of any kind, including oral sex. And she should be buying Dental Dams or using plastic wrap or a cut open condom over her genitals when he does oral sex on her, for the same reason.

Also, it sounds to me like he's afraid of getting a girl pregnant, which is another good reason for him to be wearing a condom when having sex. Pulling out is not a reliable birth control method.

 
Old 03-10-2004, 01:04 PM   #4
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Re: Is this normal?

They've both been tested and are clear for STD's and are in their late 30's, previously always in long term relationships of six years or more... Dental dams, plastic wrap?...(mmm, that's got to be a real mood enhancer)... hardly worth the sex at all if the bed is going to end up looking like an operartory.... (LOL)

jenna

 
Old 03-10-2004, 06:07 PM   #5
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Re: Is this normal?

I wouldn't get in the middle of this, they are grown adults, and all you can do is encourage your GF to talk to him about it. I was with a man for over 10 years and he never once came in me. He tried on several occasions, but he had a fear of pregnancy mental block, even when I was on BC pills. I just gave up and lived with it. The last 5 years I never used any BC and never got pregnat. Lucky I guess. Maybe eventually this guy will get over his phobia, maybe not.
If they've both been tested for STD's and they trust each other to be faithful, it's their call on condom usage.

 
Old 03-11-2004, 05:56 AM   #6
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Re: Is this normal?

Do a lot of men have phobias like this? It just seems weird to me. He did not seem overly traumatized by the pregnancy back when it happened.... Agreed, I will be staying out of this one...and if it does'nt work out, oh well, I just got more information than I cared for...

I think that what really bothered her the most was his comment..."The only person I will ever come in is my wife." I don't think that he meant it to sound negative--and it may have made a difference if he'd said something like that to her when they were clothed and talking. Rather, they were in the midst of foreplay...Another reason everyone should be talking about birth control and their feelings on it before the clothes come off and feelings are more vulnerable.

jenna

 
Old 03-11-2004, 07:57 AM   #7
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Re: Is this normal?

I think this is a fairly common and warranted phobia with guys. Think about how many times you've heard about a guy getting a girl pregnat with the guy claiming he was told she was on birth control. I've personally heard this so many times. Yes; the girl lied, yes; the girl is crazy and manipulative, but all of this is too late . Now the guy is stuck paying child support and dealing with a crazy exgirlfriend for 18 years. I can't say I blame the guy for being phobic about it. It almost happened to him, and now he's freaked. That can take a long time to undo.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 10:46 AM   #8
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Re: Is this normal?

He's a grown man, and should act like one, I hate how guys can't be a man and step up to the plate and say what's really going on.
If he loves her then she should know everything about his past.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 02:07 PM   #9
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Re: Is this normal?

Well if your friend does not have a fear of sharp objects he could always get a vasectomy. He can store his sperm in a sperm bank for later use if he ever decides to have kids.

 
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