Sexual dysfunction related to past? - Sexual Health - General Message Board

WISETRASH · 05-22-2004, 01:30 PM

Hello...i was unsure of where to post this message, so i put it under the general sexual related threads. I was recently talking to a friend whom i have had for most of my life. He is an attractive, seemingly confident young man who has never really dated women..actually it seemed to me that he went out of his way to avoid them. When i asked him why, he confided in me that he thinks that he has an aversion to sex because of events in his past. Firstly, he believes that it has something to do with his mother leaving him when he was young, which generated a general mistrust of women inside of him. He also explained to me that when he was eleven or twelve, him and his father (whom he was being raised by) were playing outside, and after they were done, they went back to the house to take showers. His father asked him if he wanted to take a shower with him (something about saving water), and although he felt strangely about it decided to do so anyway. He took a shower with him, and although he says nothing happened, due to the changes that his body was going through at the time and the insecurity of his early pubescence, he felt that this left a kind of scar upon him. He loves his father very much, and his Dad really seems to be a good person, but he feels that he needs to talk to him about this incident. I am unsure of what to tell him...does the situation between him and his father taking a shower together at that age sound abnormal to anyone? Would like to hear anyone's opinion on this matter.....Thanks.

Magnetic · 05-22-2004, 05:20 PM

In the US, this shower business is a little unusual, but I am not sure if it is worrisome. Maybe the father did want to see his son nude simply to make sure he was growing properly. As long as nothing happened, it seems ok. This would not be at all unusual in most cultures of the world and men at the gym are naked in showers.

Your friend does have some issues that may need some therapy. Perhaps him just talking and you doing nothing more than listening and reassuring him that he is alright will be sufficient. If not, encourage him to see a professional.

Lance2 · 05-23-2004, 04:35 AM

I don't see the shower thing as a big deal. Sounds as if Dad was offering more bonding and may have wanted to make sure development was OK. If they had been in a gym or campground, chances are they would have showered together in another venue anyway. At 12 it would have been a tough time for any of us but I don't think it was out of line for dad to do that, especially since there wasn't anything else going on. If your friend is bothered by it still and wants to discuss it with dad...I'd say go ahead. It may be a healthy conversation and one that will help move him along in relationships. Mom leaving may have caused such pain and distrust that this is probably the bigger concern in his problems here. Talking it out would probably be very helpful. I do think some counseling for him would be a great idea.