Ex's are fantasy girls.... - Sexual Health - General Message Board

InnerGraffiti · 06-01-2004, 09:16 AM

My bf and I got to talking about our fantasies, and he told me that his fantasy girls are his ex's. He says it's because they're the only ones he has been with, but my idea of a fantasy boy or girl is someone you haven't been with, and will never be with, OR your own gf/bf. It really freaks me out that he thinks about his ex's. One, because I feel I have to actually compete with his fantasies because they have actually happened in the past, and 2, because his latest ex actually cheated on him. I don't see why he'd want to fantasize about her.

Am I over-reacting?

vintagegirl · 06-02-2004, 04:28 PM

That was a really *dumb* thing to tell you. I would be upset too... I don't know what to tell you. No offense, but your bf does'nt sound like the sharpest tool in the shed.

mizvespa · 06-02-2004, 10:26 PM

Graffiti - I can't imagine why your boyfriend would tell you those things. That would not sit well with me. What made him tell you??

realguy · 06-03-2004, 05:25 AM

Haven"t heard that one before.That would bother me too.The ?"s are :Why would he still be thinking of them,is there feelings that he hasn"t dealt with,are they still in his life?Maybe he"s one of those people who thinks highly of everyone he dated and will always treasure them.Those people will always think their ex"s are the greatest people because they were with them.Doesn"t matter how they treated him.
If that"s the case,you can"t compete with them, he has a fantasy version of them in his head.I"ve dealt with this before.Luckily for me ,the ex"s weren"t in the person"s life and most didn"t feel the same about her.
The interesting part is i met her,and her husband, a few years later and he mentioned how he heard so much about me and how i was one of the loves of her life.
One day maybe you"ll be the fantasy and it will bother someone else.Ask him if that"s the case.Good luck with that situation.

InnerGraffiti · 06-03-2004, 08:12 AM

VintageGirl: This was really quite a shock to hear from him. Not the sort of thing I expected to hear @ all!

Mizvespa: I was kidding around with him to some extent, but I was prepared to hear some movie star's name, or something along those lines when I asked 'who is, or are your fantasy girl(s)?'.

RealGuy: All I know of those three questions is that they are not in his life. Concerning feelings he hasn't dealt with; that was a question I had right from the beginning of our relationship, since it was weeks after a split up that he met and fell in love with me. Seems somewhat natural that she'd @least still be on his mind, but thinking of her in sexual terms can't help to get past her? I'm kicking myself now cause I'm thinking he probably wasn't over her when we began dating and he swore that he was.

The contradictive part is that he told me that he also fantasizes about me, but we haven't been intimate! Maybe he was just trying to make me feel good? Because he said that he fantasized about the ex's because he feels like he has to have sex to fantasize about sex. The other contradictive part is that I asked him what he did when he was a virgin. He fantasized, go figure.