Okay this is an anal sex question for the experienced. I'm a beginner at the anal sex stuff and I'm having a problem. I'm female and he's obviously a male. Okay, after he enters me about 2 inches into my bottom it hurts really bad. Even if I'm masterbating it hurts, and I always well lube he or my fingers but it still gets painful. I was thinking that maybe it's because I'm new to this, I'm not sure. The very first time we tried this, he and I were both new to this, he didn't lube himself and it hurt really bad so he stopped and we had vaginal sex instead. Well I wanted to try again so we bought some lube and he and I both used it and it was great. I had no problems at all. That was about a month ago. But not too long ago we were going to do it again and he once again lubed himself and me up but it was very painful once again. I couldn't do it. Well my question is, does this happen to all the beginners or should I go to the doctors, or what. And by the way, when I go to the restroom it doesn't hurt.
The following user gives a hug of support to pickle: brmgld (07-05-2011)
Well i think the reason it hurt doesn't have nothing to do with you being a beginner but rather being that things are suppose to come out of your anus and not go in so therefore its going to hurt for something foreign to enter that whole. Its also not safe because you can rip tissue and whatnot. I suggest you don't do it and you don't have to worry about the pain
Okay this is an anal sex question for the experienced. I'm a beginner at the anal sex stuff and I'm having a problem. I'm female and he's obviously a male. Okay, after he enters me about 2 inches into my bottom it hurts really bad. Even if I'm masterbating it hurts, and I always well lube he or my fingers but it still gets painful. I was thinking that maybe it's because I'm new to this, I'm not sure. The very first time we tried this, he and I were both new to this, he didn't lube himself and it hurt really bad so he stopped and we had vaginal sex instead. Well I wanted to try again so we bought some lube and he and I both used it and it was great. I had no problems at all. That was about a month ago. But not too long ago we were going to do it again and he once again lubed himself and me up but it was very painful once again. I couldn't do it. Well my question is, does this happen to all the beginners or should I go to the doctors, or what. And by the way, when I go to the restroom it doesn't hurt.
Its just not comfortable to everyone. Are you very relaxed when hes doing it?
You need to be totally relaxed and definetlt lubed. Also, he should probably start with his finger to get you more open and relaxed before actual penetration. However, if you've done all this and it is always a painful experience I would probably not do it much anymore if I were you. Its not for everybody..
"... things are suppose to come out of your anus and not go in ..."
Oh, really? Does it say that in the manual? Is there, like, a sign or something pointing the right direction? Because I'm confused, since things also come out of the mouth and things come out of the vagina and I know stuff is also supposed to go in there, right? Or did I get that part, wrong, too? Maybe all of our body orifices are one-way streets?
To the original poster: you hit the nail on the head yourself when you said that you were inexperienced and this takes some getting used to. You're on the right track with using lube (use lots and lots) and going slow. You just need to take your time and relax and allow yourself to get used to the sensation of being penetrated. There is nothing wrong with you, no need to go to the doctor. If you want to keep working on it, just keep plugging away at it (sorry, couldn't resist) and eventually you'll do fine.
Relaxing enough to allow penetration is mostly a psychological issue --- the pyschological starts to affect the physical, though, and it becomes a physical issue. It's true that it's not for everybody and that some people never "take" to it, but you've done it successfully at least once before, and you're interested in it, so as far as I'm concerned, that means it is possible for you to enjoy it again. Sometimes, even when you really want it and you think you're relaxed enough, you might not really be. There could be something going on inside your head or in your life or maybe tension in your body, being overtired or stressed or somehow not feeling well, about to get your period or a million other things. Some days the conditions are just not going to be right. Don't sweat those days, just focus on the days when the conditions are right. Go slow and be gentle and use lube and work at it, little by little --- but make it fun, don't make it like this thing you "have" to achieve, because that's counterproductive to relaxation. You'll get there eventually, if you want to. Good luck!
The key is to be completely relaxed. If you are anxious about it at all, it will cause you to subconsiously contract your muscles down there, making entry difficult and painful. I know it's hard not to get anxious about it, especially if it has hurt in the past. Maybe you two could hold off on the actual anal sex for a while, and focus on just anal stimulation for a while, like with your boyfriend's fingers or a very small toy. This is what my fiance and I did for about 5 months before we even tried actual sex, and by then, I was completely comfortable with the feelings and I wasn't all anxious about it at all.
I agree with everything said....relaxation, and lube are 2 of your best friends when having anal sex .... but one thing is that NEVER after anal sex.....move on to vaginal intercouse...it could spread bacteria into your vagina that it doesn't want there...just alittle tip....if you find out that you can't have anal sex because it hurts, just get him to throw on a condom and finish off like that....
Well i think the reason it hurt doesn't have nothing to do with you being a beginner but rather being that things are suppose to come out of your anus and not go in so therefore its going to hurt for something foreign to enter that whole. Its also not safe because you can rip tissue and whatnot. I suggest you don't do it and you don't have to worry about the pain
There always has to be one. I remember when my Grandmother found the word 'fellatio' in her medical dictionary. It was defined as 'putting the penis in your mouth'. She asked me why anyone would ever want to do this. I said, "Granny, don't knock it 'til you tried it." I don't think she ever did. tytyfn0621: It's not for everyone, but when someone asks for help you shouldn't lecture them. If you don't like the subject, hit the BACK button on the upper right. K?
To the original poster: Let me know how it goes. I've been thinking of trying it too. By the way, I'm 41. Take that, Granny. And I also have had penis' in my mouth.
Last edited by Mod-S4; 06-17-2004 at 08:38 PM.
Reason: language
Well the first time we tried this everything was okay, but this last time it wasn't. Even if I masterbate with a finger or two it's still abit painful. I was things, maybe I have hemmroids...or how ever you spell it. I'm going to look into that. But for UCHIMAMA, I suggest trying it. Just use a vib. or have him or even you rub yourself. Sometimes just him working alone doesn't feel all that great.
The reason this is happening is that there is a sphincter about 2 inches inside your rectum. Your body knows how to relax and open it when you're evacuating your colon. But it doesn't know how to accept something from the other side. Brute force on his part isn't going to do it, you simply need to concentrate on how to open it yourself. It's not an easy thing to accomplish, mind over matter so to speak. But just take it very slowly and remember that if it hurts too much, you should stop trying, just as you have been. Pain is your body's way of telling you something's wrong.
seems to me you have a perfectly good spot for intercourse--your vagina--its purpose built for the job! Why you would allow that to be done to you. ill never understand. THATS AN EXIT! ONLY!
Hey don't knock it till you try it! Then once you try it you will probably never say this again>
Some people climax from it. That is not uncommon. Male and female.
Your mouth is built for food intake. Why would anyone want to use it for sex?
Just trying to use the same logic...to show you the other side.
sensibleshos is right on this one. There are two sphincter muscles in the colon, the outer one we conciouslly control. This is the one you squeeze when you 'flex' or try to stop the flow of urine or whatever.
There is also another one deeper in the colon... about 1-2 inches that the body controls. It can be relaxed on purpose, but it takes time and patience.
Anal sex is fun, it CAN BE SAFE despite what some have posted, and it can feel wonderful. It doesn't HAVE to hurt, even at first.
If you're experiencing pain, you need to stop - back up a bit, and slow down. It can take a while to get really opened up.
I am a guy - but I do know what I'm talking about, my g/f and i love anal play -and she'll often use a vibrator of about 8" on me - and it takes me quite a while to get warmed up.
Use lots of lube. A good squirt on his penis ain't going to get the job done. Coat your anus, and coat his fingers. Have him work a finger or two inside for a while (this may be all you can do for several sessions, eventually you'll feel more comfortale and move on to more fingers)
Once it's time for the penis though - go slow, use TONS of lube, stop and reapply, ahve him squirt some more around the area during the slow process of insertion.
i know that it takes a while when it's done on me, i need time to relax and allow that second sphincter to open up - but it's wonderful a whole new range of feelings.
Well I was just stating a health issue fact where i have read its not safe to put foreign items up your but...that is all.
I've also read that it's not safe to have unprotected sex, it's not safe to engage in unprotected oral sex, it's not safe to drive while on a cell phone. But many people do it.
Almost anything can be a health issue fact if proper precautions aren't taken.
Anal sex can be very safe, totally enjoyable, and totally natural feeling. There happens to be a very high concentration of nerve endings in the anus - which works out pretty slick for sex.
well i would have to agree with 99% of the people here...."different strokes or pokes, for different fokes" it may not be for you, but for others. I have tried it very few times and yes it felt nice at the time, but i too felt like with every other time we tried.....holy $#@! did it hurt more, so i looked into it also and the big one was to RELAX, enjoy the feeling, have LOTS of lub(water based is the best according to what i read). I was also told to rest in between entances.....lots of people have had WOW!!!!! climaxes from the "back door". One VERY important thing is to NEVER have "front door" sex after. You are leaving your self open for lots of infections that i am sure that you dont want. MAybe using a condom will help that too.
one more thing....not to sound like a *&^%$, but look at all of the gay people out there that have it ALL the time and they are fine correct? so for people that think EXIT only, how are gay men suppose to have sex?
Well actually, I've heard that many gays prefer oral to anal. That's not to say they don't engage in it often, but I think it's a misconception to say that if a man is gay he is into anal sex, and does it all the time.
ok you are not reading what i typed correctly, i am not saying that they do it ALLLLL the time, but it is done all the time and often, and i was not going to talk about oral as for that is not the topic in this post. I know several gay men and i took my post straight from the gay men. Lots do it, lots enjoy it. You read into what i typed WRONG!!!! This is not the place to pase judgement or lecture either. This is just nearly a place to post opionions. Sorry that you read into it wrong.
Re: anal sex question 
tytyfn0621: It's not for everyone, but when someone asks for help you shouldn't lecture them. If you don't like the subject, hit the BACK button on the upper right. K?
