It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - General Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-10-2004, 11:36 PM   #1
Newbie
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2
Kellyrain HB User
No oral sex?

My boyfriend refuses to give me oral. He has tried a couple times and he just says he can't do it. Its been over a year since he has. We talk about getting married soon. I can't imagine never getting oral again. I love him so much and every other aspect is close to perfect so should I just forget about oral? He said he can't explain it. Its not me or my hygiene and that hes never done it with any woman. He tried with me because he knows I like and just can't continue. We have had many fights about it. I give him oral, but he has told me that if I feel its unfair then its fine if I never give him oral again. I can't help but feel insulted by this. Doesn't he want to please me? I mean I love him so much and I think it is weird for oral sex to be a deal breaker. He makes up for it in other areas, but oral sex is a sensation thats one of a kind. Should I dump a great guy because he refuses to give me oral?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 09-11-2004, 02:11 AM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 96
Marty286 HB User
Re: No oral sex?

I think dumping him would be a bit extreme.... personally i love giving oral, watching her reaction is great! I guess the only way to sort it out, is to talk to him in depth about it, the excuse that "He just can't do it" isn't a proper excuse.... Or maybe you could help him, tell him what feels good etc... good luck!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 09-11-2004, 02:27 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 144
HannahUK HB User
Re: No oral sex?

He says you have the choice to give him oral or not. Try it for a while - see how he likes it. If he complains that sex isn't the same without it, you can just say "now you know how I feel". I would be pretty miffed if my bloke refused to give me oral.

Have you discussed what it is that he dislikes? if the hair bothers him (male body hair grosses me out, so I politely ask them to shave before things go any further) then get yourself waxed, or shave. If he doesn't like to do it mainly because he desn't know what he's doing and gets nervous, be reassuring and show him what to do - remaining positive and praising him all the time. if he doesn't want to do it because he hates doing it - because he hates the smell or whatever...........you proably won't persuade him.

I don't get it - I'm not a big fan of giving oral. It's a bit ick, and I don't get much from it other than lock jaw, but HE loves it and he gives me oral so it;s only polite to stick it out.........

I think you have to get to the bottom of why he doesn't like it, and go from there.

 
Old 09-11-2004, 06:47 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,073
reni HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyrain
oral sex is a sensation thats one of a kind. Should I dump a great guy because he refuses to give me oral?
We can't really tell you if you should or not. You have to consider how important it is to you, and whether you can give it up for the rest of your life withOUT complaining or arguing about it. Or is it going to be a constant source of friction?

There is always *something* that we'd like to change about our partners--no one is perfect in all areas. To have a lasting relationship, we have to decide if we are able to live with/overlook the imperfections.

 
Old 09-11-2004, 07:09 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 671
vintagegirl HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Someone was right about saying that his excuse was lame. Ask him to tell you *exactly* what it is he does'nt like. Some men love oral, others cannot reconcile the idea of putting their mouth on a body part that gives birth to their kids, menstruates, etc. Also, if you tinkle (OMG, I have not used that word since I was maybe 10)... be sure to wash up well after. The scent (or taste) of any trace urine later mingled with sweat is not a good one on women. Men, as usual, have it easier in that department too as their genitalia is more practically designed and easier to spot clean... I would'nt dump him, but honey, I hope he makes good money....

 
Old 09-11-2004, 07:11 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 10,133
feelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB User
Re: No oral sex?

just be patient and eventually he may come around.I have been married for almost 24 years now and our sex lives are not the same now as they were when we were dating or when we first got married.i was never ever going to do oral for my husband and that changed.He never did it for me either until a couple of years into our marriage(it took ME a little longer than that,lol).i think it is more of a 'just how comfortable you are "issue.even when we got married, there was still alot of getting to to know you stuff that we needed to get through before we got really comfortable with doing certain things.I would not give up on him so easily.Just leave the subject alone for awhile and he just may suprise you.it took a night out and actually comsuming quite a few miller lights before I got up the courage to tackle "certain' things.Just give it time,K?good luck.

 
Old 09-11-2004, 08:31 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,402
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Re: No oral sex?

I was in a relationship like that once, where he refused to do it but I continued to (and he expected it). Eventually, I really started to resent it and eventually stopped doing it. I felt like i was playing a childish game and things went from bad to worse. We never did work it out.

There were other problems with the relationship, of course, so I can't say if it would be worth sticking it out if everything else is roses, but I know in this case it sure didn't help. And interestingly enough, it was also a good measure of how far he was willing to work/compromise in the relationship (not at all).

One thing I can say for sure is that withholding can be very destructive, so you should try everything else before that.

 
Old 09-11-2004, 11:43 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Cloud 9!:)
Posts: 952
eminemworshipper HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellyrain
he says he can't do it
From what u were saying here, it seems to suggest to me that he maybe doesnt like it/doesnt want to do it, but lacks confidence to try it....he may feel embarassed and feel a bit scared to try it in fear that he may not 'be good at it' (if u know what I mean). So, maybe he just needs a lot of help and patience....and encouragement..the more u go at him to give it a go..the more he is going to want to run in the opposite direction. Personally, I do believe that when he is feeling more comfortable with himself with plenty of help from u....he may give it a go?

 
Old 09-11-2004, 12:51 PM   #9
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 49
yomamab HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Well, we're in the same boat, only I'm years older than you. I've been married for over 24 years and my husband still doesn't like oral. He had tried it in our early married years but gave up on it even though I continued to give him oral all these years. I kind of resent the fact that I'm willing to do him and he's not willing to do me, but I don't to play a childish game and say that I won't if he won't, so I keep doing it. We must have gone ten or fifteen years without him doing it one single time and after coming on these boards and seeing how many women seem to be getting oral, it got me to really wanting it. So I started bringing it up to him; he tried it (grudgingly, I might add), but he still doesn't like it. I'm lucky if it lasts a minute. On the rare occasions that he does do it, I actually get more frustrated knowing that he seems to think it's a chore and also because it's not even long enough to orgasm. I've just given up on it altogether. Would I marry him again had I know this years ago? Well, I'm not so sure. He does have other good qualities. All I can say is try to find out why your boyfriend doesn't like it and go from there. I asked my husband that and he didn't really have much of answer, just that he doesn't like it. I've even tried shaving, and I keep myself very clean, even taking a shower right before we go to bed. Still doesn't make one bit of difference! I've more or less come to accept the fact that this great part of sex will be missing in my life unless I go and have an affair, which I don't think I want to do. Just don't keep at him about it or that will drive him further away and he'll resent you bringing it up all the time. I've shut up about it and live in frustration. At my age, I've too much to lose if I choose to leave him. You're young yet; decide now before it's too late. Just how important is it to you? If you are happy with him otherwise and can live without the oral sex the rest of your life, then stay with him. If not, cut your losses and move onto greener pastures. Good luck.

 
Old 09-11-2004, 02:04 PM   #10
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ontario ,canada
Posts: 492
engineer1961 HB Userengineer1961 HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Seriouslytry not giving him any oral for a month or two any hell change his tune !!And if he complains ....... tough(he said it would be ok if you stopped right ..fair is fair ) .Does he make you have orgasims in other ways ?Is sex a large part of your relationship?Strange question but is he caucasion (sp??),be cause i've known a few girls that dated non caucasion (ouch i know my spelling kills )and the just did not do oral sex at all (take but not give it that is) , or it could just be a case of him havinghad a bad oral sex expeince (such as a girl with the flue ..or gas..or bad cleaning issues.Pester the hell out of him till you find out exactly why he dislikes doing it (all the while withholding it from him 0 ).Good luck !!

 
Old 09-13-2004, 01:06 PM   #11
Inactive
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 9
oralissimo HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Hi Kelly. I was in a similar situation with my girlfriend. She would not do it at all and, although she did say to me that I didn't have to do it to her, when I stopped, she said it was not fair to punish her.
We fought numerous times over the issue. I've gone so far as to break up with her a few times over it.
We have gotten past the problem - hell, she even swallows (most of the time) now.
However, it is not an experience I'd ever want to do again. If I were to get with another woman like that, I'd simply end the relationship due to sexual incompatability.

I was bitter for a LONG time. I'm ok with it now, but the frustration is/was horrible.

I'm not willing to spend my life without oral sex while so many men get it on a regular basis from women who love to do it.
It's like anything else in life. If you simply sit back and wait, it will never happen. You have to take charge of your sex life, like every other aspect of life.
You'll never get a good job if you go to no interviews.
Good luck to you!

 
Old 09-13-2004, 01:19 PM   #12
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 900
Music4All HB User
Re: No oral sex?

If he consistently says no. And you marry him anyway thinking he "might" change. And he doesn't. You never, ever haver a right to use his not doing it as a reason for argument, unfairness, frustration, dissatisfaction, etc. You get what you get when you marry and cannot expect change from what you know up front. If later you decide things did not change as you had hoped, don't make his life miserable, as the time to choose is now, not after marriage.

If it is too big a deal to look past, make your choice based on what you know.

 
Old 09-13-2004, 01:23 PM   #13
Inactive
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 9
oralissimo HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Music4All
If he consistently says no. And you marry him anyway thinking he "might" change. And he doesn't. You never, ever haver a right to use his not doing it as a reason for argument, unfairness, frustration, dissatisfaction, etc. You get what you get when you marry and cannot expect change from what you know up front. If later you decide things did not change as you had hoped, don't make his life miserable, as the time to choose is now, not after marriage.

If it is too big a deal to look past, make your choice based on what you know.
Nicely said, .m4a file.

 
Old 09-13-2004, 02:35 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 251
lannie2006 HB User
Re: No oral sex?

Wow. Yes, definitely the time to make your decision is now. I have a hard time relating to this. I feel that if you are crazy in love with someone anything goes, and you should want to do it. There are tons of guys out there who love to give oral - and... they get off just as much by seeing what it does to you which is a huge turn on. I know for me I wouldn't want to live without it.

 
Old 09-13-2004, 04:43 PM   #15
Inactive
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 97
Sharalee HB User
Re: No oral sex?

"he said he just can't explain it". ? Oh yes he can, he just won't. I have no idea when, where or if you have had serious and calm discussions about this, but you sure need to.
Simply put, he "has" to explain it. Then you know what is THE problem. Men are usually aroused by the unique odor and taste of their partner (assuming they are clean, and you are). He may have some anxiety about telling you or "explaining" why he doesn't do it or like it. Make him feel at ease about talking about it, that it is OK to tell you and that you WANT him to tell you. Talk about it OUT of the bedroom. It could be a simple thing. Don't give up just yet if he's a great guy in all other areas and you can orgasm in other ways.
He may feel inadequate when he performs, it could be a hair issue, taste or smell. Whatever the problem is, I'm sure it can be fixed. There's always flavored and scented lubricants out there. And there's always you to guide him in the right directions. Men want to know, and have you say what works.

I couldn't have a satisfying sex life w/o it, it's how I get "there". Be firm fellow fem!! And yes, there's always, "no givey, no receivey", at least until he fesses up about what's up. Good luck!!

SL

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I got oral thrush from severe dry mouth and now i have a few questions Sasha86 Dental Health 0 04-03-2010 07:54 PM
hpv contractible through oral sex? PleaseThankYou1 Human Papillomavirus (HPV) 1 07-31-2009 01:38 PM
Traditional, Anal and Oral? Questions angel_light Sexual Health - General 3 05-26-2009 04:51 PM
HSV-1 from oral sex - no oral outbreaks??? preocupado Herpes 11 03-19-2005 11:00 AM
Herpes and Oral Sex fab_00 Herpes 11 12-24-2004 08:23 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:33 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!