How to balance the difference in sex drive - Sexual Health - General Message Board

dolly5377 · 05-24-2005, 01:08 PM

Hi,

I am 43 years old and my husband is 53 and we have been married for 23 years, pur son is 18 years old. We always have great sex, in the past, I found that he had more need than I do. However, for the past year, this has changed, I feel that I have more need than he does and occasionally i don't have 'enough' from him, is the age difference starts to get to us? How do I balance that? We both love each other and we have a great relationshop.

JinL · 05-24-2005, 04:58 PM

Read the books "The Sexy Years by Sumers, & "The Testosterone Syndrome" by Shippen.

sparkleflower · 05-25-2005, 06:59 AM

This is probably the most common issue long-term couples face. There are sooooo many things that can impact your desire. Relationship issues, testosterone levels, stress, depression, sexual issues, you name it, it can impact it. Has your drive increased, or his diminished? Do you initiate and are declined, or are you waiting for him to initiate with you? If the latter, he may still assume your sex drive is lower than his, and has adjusted himself to that level. What does your husband say about this desire discrepancy?

I would pick up a copy of "Passionate Marriage", by David Schnarch. It's an unfortunate title for a book I think should be required reading for everyone, even if not in a relationship. In the meantime, I'd just suggest masturbating. I know it's not the same, but it takes the edge off :-)

dolly5377 · 05-25-2005, 10:03 AM

I would say he initiated most of the time and there were times I just played a little trick for the fantansy like wearing sexy lingerie. The first 5 years we probably had sex 2- 3 times a week, during my pregnancy and after my son was born, for about two years, I did not have much interest, we still had sex but I did not enjoy much. It might have to do with my hormones and physical change. For the next 10-12 years, we were still doing it 1-2 times a week but I found sometimes I just did it to please him. For the last two years, there were times, we went without sex for almost a month. I have started to initiate more because I seemed to have the need more frequent and felt I did not have enough the night before.

We did not really sit down and talk about it because like you said, I sometimes just fulfil my desire by masturbating or get it the cyber way.