Question about married sex - Sexual Health - General Message Board

SophiaB · 06-28-2005, 08:05 AM

I desparately need some feedback. I didn't know if i should post this message here or in the sexual health board. Perhaps I'll do both. Anyway, I was wondering if someone could give me some guidance about married sex life. I have been married about 3 years and I have been very disappointed to discover that my hubby only seems to initiate sex about 2 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less). We don't have any kids, but I am very afraid that once we do, we will never have sex. It's not so much that I really need to have sex more often. It's just that it makes me feel sad and unattractive that he doesn't seem to want it more often. It also makes me feel like I don't excite him or dazzle him anymore. I get so jealous of women who talk about how their hubbies want sex all the time/every night etc. It just makes me feel like something is wrong with our relationship.

I just need a little perspective. In other words, is this normal for a man to only initiate a couple times a week? does it mean that he is not excited about me? does it mean that we will slowly get to a place of never having sex? Thanks so much.

RegularGuy7 · 06-28-2005, 08:35 AM

I think it's normal for a man to initiate sex 2 or 3 times a week. That's about average I guess. And for what it's worth...I think you may be reading into this too much. I would bet that he still finds you very attractive and exciting. If you want more sex...tell him. How often do YOU initiate things?

But don't let this drag on indefinately. Let him know now so you can work towards fixing things. Don't be like me...my wife was the one who didn't want sex very often and I just let it go without really forcing the issue with her. And now we really don't have sex at all, and neither of us really wants it anymore either.

Just communicate your desires to him as soon as possible and nip this problem in the bud, so to speak. Good Luck!

CoreyP · 06-28-2005, 09:02 AM

If I were him, I wouldn't initiate it more then that either. No matter how attractive you are. Men need to feel desirable as well. You need to initiate it as well. He shouldn't have to do all the work.

kitkat77 · 06-28-2005, 09:26 AM

How about YOU Sophia? How many times a week do YOU initiate sex?

If you are sitting back and waiting for your husband to make all the moves then there IS something wrong with your relationship. You would be expecting him to make you feel loved and wanted, but how is your husband going to feel the same way? Who is going to make HIM feel wanted? Just accepting his advances is not good enough. In time, a sexual relationship such as this becomes a chore for the one doing all the initiating.

If you ARE satisfied with the frequency of your sex life and you ARE initiating sex as well, then try not to compare your relationship to others. Everyone's needs of intimacy are different.

Music4All · 06-28-2005, 09:36 AM

People get tired, they get stressed, they get sidetracked, they get preoccupied, they don't feel up to performing, theyt don't feel well, they think of their job/boss/things to do tomorrow, they get distracted by a hundred different legitimate life distractions. There are dozens of reasons why a husband would find his wife the most attractive thing on two legs and still not be up to initiating more than twice a week. If he is genuine in his demonstration of love and caring for you on a daily basis, plus initiates intimacy twice a week, I think it wrong of you to translate this into not showing that he cares or finds you desirable. That could be a perception that could backfire.