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Old 10-08-2005, 02:37 PM   #1
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MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. He's 38 yrs old, no health problems, weight hasn't changed over the years. He has always been able to become erect rather quickly with little physical stimulation....plus he usually orgasms 2-4 times. Yes...I admit I love that.

For the last 6 months or so...there have been "occassions" when after he and I have been engaging in the usual foreplay action (deep kissing, touching, sucking on my breasts) when I touch his penis...nothing; no erection. He ALWAYS became erect with just these things alone.

When this has happend I feel that maybe hubby is too tired for sex, but is trying to be there for me. I've nicely asked him this. He gets veerrrry offended..saying that he desires me greatly and that it's not a "dick meter" for his level of arousal. Am I so wrong in thinking that an erection is an idication of arousal?? It seems the more understanding I try to be, like telling him it's ok honey...the more upsetting it is to him. He tells me that I need to realize a man can be aroused and even orgasm WITHOUT an erection.

Is the male ego really that fragile or just his??...do I just ignore it when no erection and keep on stimulating him? He never has issues becoming erect with me giving him oral.

I was just trying to be understanding towards him if he was tired or whatever. Thanks for your comments.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 04:32 PM   #2
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ethera HB User
Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Debbie S.
Is the male ego really that fragile or just his??....
I'd like to think it can be stronger, but in my male experience, yes, there have been times when my ego became a distraction to me, against a more rational mindset.

There's an ebb and flow to life. Timing is everything.

You can catch anyone with their pants down, or at an inopportune time, or bring them up sharply, etc. etc.



Throw a bucket of cold water on someone who just swam the English Channel, and they won't care too much.

Throw a bucket of cold water on someone napping ( i.e. not in the REM stage, cause they might sleep through anything, lol ) in a nice warm bed, and they'll probably be shocked, and them maybe perturbed, angry.


Nothing's more frustrating or bewildering to a man, than when his body does not seem to harmonize with his expression, i.e. intention.


Unless *you* do not want sex: if your male partner makes advances toward you, but is not erect, do not mind. Let things work out. He wants you. Sometimes his body just needs a moment to catch up with his mind.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Debbie S.
do I just ignore it when no erection and keep on stimulating him?.
Yes. You might discover that you especially enjoy the more direct experience of arousing him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Debbie S.
He never has issues becoming erect with me giving him oral..
See, there you go...sometimes, some guys take a while to get erect during oral stimulation.







Quote:
I was just trying to be understanding towards him if he was tired or whatever. Thanks for your comments.
I can appreciate that, and I think he does too...but just not at that moment when it happened...at the time his mind might have been of two things: that he wanted you, and that he 'had a job to do'...

while you meant to be understanding, he might have taken it as you being discouraging, or impatient.


It's okay you were fine; you had no way of knowing what the situation called for, aside from his responses.

Last edited by ethera; 10-09-2005 at 02:51 AM.

 
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Old 10-08-2005, 05:13 PM   #3
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Debbie: It just happens some times...some times you don't get very wet...same thing. But never, ever say anything about it while you are having sex! And always let him know that he pleasured you!

 
Old 10-08-2005, 05:40 PM   #4
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTONS....help!!

First off I think you are right about erection being a clear indication of arousal, but that doesnt mean that if he doesnt get one that he is definitley not aroused by you. It's kind of hard to explain. What arouses a man is different in different men but as you say he used to get excited/aroused fairly quickly in the past then I'm not sure why he isnt getting aroused now.

ask him what really turns him on>?

also I don't think every man gets aroused at just a woman touching his penis.

finally he is wrong about a man having an orgasm without an erection. Its not physically possible.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 06:07 PM   #5
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Thanks for your responses....next time I'll ignore it a keep movin' on...guess I try to analyze things too mjch and also worry too much about what hubby is feeling....thanks again!

 
Old 10-08-2005, 06:20 PM   #6
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTONS....help!!

Thanks for your response.

Husband claims he has had orgasm w/o being erect...masturbating.

Do men really define themselves sexually by their erections? Yes I love when it's there and I would certainly miss it if were gone, but he just seems so worred about it. He even (without my knowledge) got a prescription from Dr.for viagra (only 6 pills). I was really upset about that. The fact that he thought I was shallow enough to not be suportive. It's not like the erection issue has happend that much... once a month if that...and only in the last 6 months.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 06:36 PM   #7
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTONS....help!!

errr debbie it is a fundamental aspect of orgasm/ejaculation that you get an erection.

when you say "he had an orgasm w/o being erect....masturbation" that doesnt make sense.

masturbation process (erect penis and fast friction is all that is needed)

1. arousal (leads to what is commonly referred to by men as a 'semi'). can be triggered by just pictures of a lovely lady with most men.

2. Then you start to rub it to make the erection fullsize.

3. increase the speed at which you do so and after about 3-5 mins in most men they will ejaculate.

just to clarify HE CANNOT EJACULATE/ORGASM WITHOUT AN ERECTION

 
Old 10-08-2005, 10:33 PM   #8
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Ok..ok...lol...I believe you.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 02:46 AM   #9
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTONS....help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nezkeys79
errr debbie it is a fundamental aspect of orgasm/ejaculation that [a male] get an erection.
Actually, a male can orgasm, and ejaculate ( emit semen ), without an erection.

It can happen with nocturnal emission ( wet dream ), or other stimuli ( visual, including porn, audible, touching, etc ) while awake.


Erection is NOT equal to arousal. A man can be in a directly 'functional state' ( i.e. have an erection, but not necessarily be 'in the mood', relatively speaking.

That is to say, a man can be in a state of being fully directly capable of penetration, i.e. intercourse, but without necessarily having any accompanying intensely desirous feelings.


That said, ejaculation is not equal to orgasm: It is possible for a male to have an orgasm without ejaculation. Pre-pubescent boys ( before they've had their first 'emission' or wet dream ) can have "dry runs" ---- orgasms in absence of ejaculation.

In mature males, the practice ( which it does take ) of achieving orgasm without ejaculation is an example of Taoist sexual principle, in which semen 'retention' or 'conservation' is regarded as beneficial to male health ( such 'benefits' are based in culture rather than science ).

Last edited by ethera; 10-09-2005 at 02:54 AM.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 06:08 AM   #10
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Some men at that age produce less testosterone & more estrogen E2. This will cause a lowering of sexual desire & response.

Anti-depressants can cause it.
Hair growth meds can cause it.
These mess up the male/female hormone balance.

A blood test for male & female hormones can determine if this is the cause.

A man can have an orgasm with a soft erection.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 06:55 AM   #11
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

ethera I don't agree with you. I know for a fact there is no way that I could have an orgasm, or ejaculate without having an erection first.

that is a fundamental part.

and jinl too...for you both to suggest that a man can have an orgasm or ejaculate with a soft penis is just absurd.


Anyway it's not that important but I want to correct something i said....its not just friction....you have to physically contract the muscles at the same time.

 
Old 10-09-2005, 08:41 AM   #12
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Debbie S.
Ok..ok...lol...I believe you.
haha, just because someone says something over and over and types in ALL CAPS doesn't make him right, lol
It is possible for a man to ejaculate w/o an erection. It is certainly not common, or the way men are biologically designed to do it (no erection = no penetration) but it can and does happen.

As for your original question, it's a shame your dh is so sensitive about the matter. It seems he's reacting in a very unpleasant manner, and he doesn't have to. While he is right in that an erection is not the definitive measure of a man's arousal, he's got to know that it is the usual, generally accepted indicator of it, especially for women, who don't have one of their own. His over reaction indicates to me that he's upset by it and is turning his frustration on you. He's probably very aware that his penis isn't jumping to attention the way it used to and it's probably bothering him, and certainly doesn't want it pointed out to him or questioned.

I would suggest to just keep stimulating him, and since you say oral always does the trick, there's your solution.

 
Old 10-10-2005, 03:04 AM   #13
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Debbie S. HB User
Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Thank you for all the repsonses. Speaking again of oral...can it cause tmj??...I seriously think i have it....lol...guess that's another board.

 
Old 10-11-2005, 12:18 AM   #14
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTONS....help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Debbie S.
Thanks for your response.

Husband claims he has had orgasm w/o being erect...masturbating.

I believe this is a common sign of a sexual dysfunction. So too is a change in his body like going from easily getting erections to not getting them at a reasonable time. He is aging and things don't work like they used to...that's where love becomes more important than sex. If it gets worse, its doc time.

 
Old 10-11-2005, 07:19 PM   #15
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Re: MEN AND THEIR ERECTIONS...please help a woman out!!

Yes, a man can have an orgasm w/o an erection. It may take a while but it can be done. Many men who have had their prostates removed rely on non erect orgasms as a way of restoring their potency (their ability to have an erection).

 
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