Intercourse has declined - Sexual Health - General Message Board

yossl · 01-06-2006, 12:27 AM

I am seeking a womens perspective on this issue as it has become a point of anxiety with my wife.

This is not a matter I find particularly easy to talk about. I am 45 and feel that I am lsoing the ability to perform satisfactorily sexually. To be fair, my wife is not difficult to relate to - just honest, she really can't really feel me during intercourse. I work hard to get my best erection and best body position and I am keeping fit etc, Blood pressure and general health is very good. We have just worked ourselves into an anxious situation with intercourse, and so I am partly seeking a different attitude rather than just "doing it" but I remain frustrated with intercourse as I fall out when she wants me to thrust.

I was never "big" but since losing some thickness in the penis, I fall out and we both get anxious. She tells me it's Ok but at just over 3.5 inches erect I have some confidence issues as I know that I am smaller than average. I had to overcome some "locker room" inadequacies as a teenager and didn't worry about size during my 20s and 30s as I felt OK with myself and my sexual needs were generally met, since a business trauma a few years back and the related stress from which I recovered, sex activity was minimal and in the past two years a loss of thickness has left me with a boy size penis. I try to not focus on this, but we all have some ego and I am 5' 8" tall and my wife is 5'10". In heels she can stand 4 - 5 inches taller and while this never bothered me much I often wonder, when I am down on myself, if I am "man" enough for her. Women say these things don't matter - but do they?

My wife enjoys other paths to orgasm but I like intercourse only it has become a battle. I am using the anonimity of the website here but I can't really talk to friends regarding this. You see I find it harder to reach orgasm through hand and mouth. I love our intamacy but am now "thinking too much! Should I just bite the bullet and put energy into other stuff like handjobs and let it be what it will be?

Constant · 01-06-2006, 06:07 AM

Dude, let it be what it will be. You are perfectly wonderful just the way you are. I'm 5'10" tall and have never had a problem dating a man shorter then me, never even looked at it as an issue.

The thing is to find a way to have mutual intimacy and satisfaction. As long as you and your wife are in agreement, it doesn't matter how you achieve it.

Women are emotional love makers for the most part.

Relax...enjoy...love...be loved.

sarakellieye · 01-06-2006, 07:02 AM

hi,

Firstly i have to say that i really think that you are not 'thinking to much' as you put it! it is good to hear that men have the same anxiety/stress/worries about sexual performance. As you said your wife is honest with you, well in that case you should listen to her and believe what she is telling you- it doesnt matter..

Although sex is important to women and men alike, what is also very important to women is support, pyhsical and emotional, love and happiness. and i would imagine that your wife would think you were 'less of a man' (as you also put it!) if you didnt provide her with these things rather than the sexual side of things. Another thing to remember is that regardless of wheather or not you give your wife sex/sexual pleasure it is likely just as satisfying that you try, and it seems that not only do you try but you try hard to please her and to make intercourse enjoyable and satisfying for her.

ok it is a problem, for you, but lets face it, its not the end of the world, you still bring her to orgasm through other types of stimulation so she is still being satisfied.

Now on to you,you should not have to just bit the bullet,i am sure there are things out there that could help you... have you seen a doctor about this problem? or visited websites to see if there are people alike and some solutions? although you did not mention this in your thread for some reason i would imagine you have....is there anu solutions out there?

Would viagra help?

you say it is difficult for you to reach orgasm through hand and mouth,well i dont know if this is an option you would have considered but would you try using sex toys for more stimulation and to help you reach orgasm?

keepsgoin · 01-06-2006, 01:22 PM

Yeah and the more the think about it, the harder it's going to be to have intercourse. Size does not matter...I believe it's more position and length of time and not length of penis. If a finger can hit the G spot, so can a 3 1/2 inch penis! (I don't think your wife's the problem though?) Stop worrying about it and enjoy it. My BF has the same "problem", he isn't able to orgasm with oral(very easily) and my hand but intercourse...no problem!!!!! He's a 50 year old man and says that noone that he's ever been with has ever wanted to give oral to him so I think it's a matter of having it in his head that the person doing it isn't enjoying it. As we've been together longer, it's become easier for him.

yossl · 01-06-2006, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keepsgoin

Yeah and the more the think about it, the harder it's going to be to have intercourse. Size does not matter...I believe it's more position and length of time and not length of penis. If a finger can hit the G spot, so can a 3 1/2 inch penis! (I don't think your wife's the problem though?) Stop worrying about it and enjoy it. My BF has the same "problem", he isn't able to orgasm with oral(very easily) and my hand but intercourse...no problem!!!!! He's a 50 year old man and says that noone that he's ever been with has ever wanted to give oral to him so I think it's a matter of having it in his head that the person doing it isn't enjoying it. As we've been together longer, it's become easier for him.

Thanks. Gonna try and think of other ways to do things. Probably just too focused on my size and performance so need to think differently. Don't like drugs so will not consider viagra, but will try some toys etc. Who knows but want to start enjoying again...