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Old 05-04-2006, 07:49 PM   #1
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Question Oral Sex?!?

I suppose I'm one of those few people who really hate the idea of oral sex. It both diguists and terrifies me. Yes, I had it done to me and it really didn't do much even though I believe he did a good job. It seems that the only way I can get off is through actual, vagianl intercourse and that is the only form of sex I enjoy.

I also can't imagine performing oral sex on my b/f of two months. I'd feel extremely self-conscious and I think I'd hate it. Either way, I have a feeling that one of these days I will do it just b/c I think he is entitled to it and I don't want him to go elsewhere in search of it. Also, when we are intimate, I feel like I enjoy being pleased much more than pleasing him. I just feel awkward doing too much work, and it is beginning to worry him how this will fly with him down the road. I know for a fact that sex is very important to him.

Any advice as to how I can keep him happy???

Thank you. I'll appreciate any reply at this point...

 
Old 05-04-2006, 09:32 PM   #2
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

It sounds like you aren't sexually attracted to him. Correct? Otherwise, you would want to do more with him.

 
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Old 05-04-2006, 09:34 PM   #3
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

When I was younger, I didn't really like doing it either. I think it was because my BF's were never really clean enough there. Now, with my husband, I really love doing it to him. Of course, he loves it too! Be honest about how you feel about it and if you don't like to have him *** in your mouth, most men will be ok with that. It is totally a preference. When you are, if you start to get uncomfortable, just stop and let him know that that is all you can do for now. Maybe next time. He will be just happy with the foreplay.

 
Old 05-05-2006, 06:06 AM   #4
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by justinluck
It sounds like you aren't sexually attracted to him. Correct? Otherwise, you would want to do more with him.


That's probably not the case at all! A lot girls are taught from a very young age that only "dirty" girls do these things. It is something many of us have to overcome. It takes time and being completely comfortable with someone to get over these thoughts and fears and after just two months you aren't to that comfort zone yet. It really is quite enjoyable, I myself am still not completely comfortable with receiving but love to give it. Just do what you are comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable doing it he won't enjoy it either so just follow what mammabee said.

Last edited by lovethoscurls; 05-05-2006 at 06:07 AM.

 
Old 05-05-2006, 12:55 PM   #5
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

I'm with you trust, it is just something I have never enjoyed with anyone. I mean I guess it feels kinda good but i prefer to have my lover face to face with me rather than having his face pressed between my legs, you know? Self-consciousness has a little bit to do with it, I suppose, but it really just doesn't turn me on all that much. I like to feel his entire body touching mine.

I also HATE giving oral. It takes too long (yes, even for guys, hee hee), it hurts my jaw, I hate having a big wad in my mouth, and quite frankly it's boring for me. I would much rather be giving and receiving pleasure at the same time. I also prefer missionary vaginal sex. I orgasm that way every time.

It's a myth that all women love oral sex...it is always a myth to generalize anyhting about sexual pleasure. Everyone is different, and saying you don't care for someone just because you don't enjoy certain sexual acts is ridiculous.

 
Old 05-07-2006, 01:39 AM   #6
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjewell
...and saying you don't care for someone just because you don't enjoy certain sexual acts is ridiculous.
I said sexual attraction, not caring for someone. There is a HUGE difference. Yes, they tend to go hand in hand, but they are not the same thing. Are you sexually attracted to your siblings or your parents? But you do care for them, right?

The more sexually attracted I am to someone, the more willing I am to do things with a girl. For her situation, what if his penis is really small, or she doesn't like the shape, color, or smell to it? Maybe he is overweight? Maybe he is not clean or doesn't trim? There are countless things that could turn her off to the idea of sexual acts.

 
Old 05-07-2006, 06:18 PM   #7
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

Maybe it feels degrading?
I know I don't like giving it very much just because there has been such a negative outlook placed on it.

 
Old 05-08-2006, 04:19 PM   #8
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

For some, it takes time to get comforatable with the idea. It does not mean you will always find it distasteful. As for giving oral to him, maybe do it in the shower the first time, and/or use a non-lubricated condom, which you can then justify in your own mind that you are not actually putting his urinary organ in your mouth, but something plastic that is clean and sanitary (though tasting or latex). After a few times, you will probably get more comfortable with the idea and will be able to do it ourside the shower, or without a condom, though he should always be clean before you give oral. If the thought of him ejaculating in your mouth is disquieting, then tell him before hand that you will not allow him to do that.

As for him going down on you, again, make sure you are freshly showered so you will be less concerned about being dirty for him down there. Try to relax, as he would not be doing this if he did not want to.

 
Old 05-09-2006, 12:38 PM   #9
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

Sex is sex no matter what activity you tag to it (oral, anal, etc.) the feeling comes from the love and gratitude from the partners experiencing it. If I love someone, I do more for them and enjoy it because I know that I love them and they love me and I want them to be happy in every way possible.

 
Old 05-09-2006, 02:47 PM   #10
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by justinluck
I said sexual attraction, not caring for someone. There is a HUGE difference. Yes, they tend to go hand in hand, but they are not the same thing. Are you sexually attracted to your siblings or your parents? But you do care for them, right?

The more sexually attracted I am to someone, the more willing I am to do things with a girl. For her situation, what if his penis is really small, or she doesn't like the shape, color, or smell to it? Maybe he is overweight? Maybe he is not clean or doesn't trim? There are countless things that could turn her off to the idea of sexual acts.
Even still, I thikn that is a bad theory. Of course I am attracted to my husband, that has no relevance to what I enjoy and do not enjoy in bed. I don't like givinh him oral sex because it hurts my jaw. Does that mean I have a problem with him? No, it has nothing to do with him. Everyone draws a line somewhere. For example, what if your partner wanted to pee in your mouth? Would you do that for a girl you were attracted to? I don't think so (unless that's your thing).

I still think it's ridiculous to say your partner has has some sort of issue with you just because they don't want to do certain things sexually.

 
Old 05-09-2006, 09:27 PM   #11
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

I feel led to comment on this because there is one area that I have experienced that has not been discussed. That is, some people have self esteem issues that may cause them to not want to perform oral sex. They may have been told or even shown what feels good and what doesnt, but when a person has a low self esteem issue and feels as if they just dont think they will do it right or are embarrassed about doing it or worried about what there partner may be thinking....then how do you get over that. If I felt I was good at doing it, I would do it all the time. Nothing makes me more "high" then to know that I have done something extremely pleasing and that I was good at it. But my esteem is so low that I dont want to even try. So its not that you are not sexually attracted to someone. And its not that you dont want to please them (I do more than anything). Some times there are a lot more factors involved than the attraction.

 
Old 05-10-2006, 07:54 AM   #12
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

I agree 100% lil.

 
Old 05-10-2006, 01:33 PM   #13
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

Whether one person likes or dislike oral sex seems to be a personal preference. However, I find that a lot of women can't orgasm through straight intercourse, so oral sex seems a solution to keep her satisfy. Keep in mind that I like receiving more than giving, but give any way since it's fair play so to speak. In general, I can't say that giving oral sex stimulates me personally, but the pleasure comes from giving my partner joy.

In my opinion, the experience is more pleasurable if we both shower first and be clean. This does however take away some of spontanity.

Ironically, I find that women tend to do oral sex first in a relationship before trying real sex. Now, my sample rate is really small since I don't really sleep with a lot of women, but I find the progression to be fooling around, then oral sex, and then straight sex.

Now, I am aware that some people will not do oral sex or don't like the idea. This may stem from religious background, just don't like it, feel that it's dirty, etc. In my opinion, one should give it a try to see if you both like it or not. However, I don't think people get dump for not doing oral sex either. If you don't feel like doing something, you should communicate with your partner. There's always going to conflict on what he wants to do and what you want to do, etc. You both have to communicate and negotiate.

 
Old 05-10-2006, 03:10 PM   #14
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Re: Oral Sex?!?

Hi I have been with my hubby for 17 years, the thoght of giving him oral sex Just doesn't appeal to me and yes I have done it to him and he loved it but I didn't and that was totally OK with him he says he would prefer me and him having sex over that he loves the cuddling and kissing but when I have tried it I chewwd gum just before hand and it 's suppose to be more pleasurable for him SO IN RESPONSE TO NOT BEING ATTRACTED TO HER MAN BECAUSE SHE DON'T GIVE HIM HEAD THAT IS JUST CRAZY.

 
Old 05-11-2006, 01:15 PM   #15
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Unhappy Re: Oral Sex?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmsmagic
I feel led to comment on this because there is one area that I have experienced that has not been discussed. That is, some people have self esteem issues that may cause them to not want to perform oral sex. They may have been told or even shown what feels good and what doesnt, but when a person has a low self esteem issue and feels as if they just dont think they will do it right or are embarrassed about doing it or worried about what there partner may be thinking....then how do you get over that. If I felt I was good at doing it, I would do it all the time. Nothing makes me more "high" then to know that I have done something extremely pleasing and that I was good at it. But my esteem is so low that I dont want to even try. So its not that you are not sexually attracted to someone. And its not that you dont want to please them (I do more than anything). Some times there are a lot more factors involved than the attraction.
Wow, you have hit it right now! This is EXACTLY how I feel and I believe that it's the underlying issue in all my relationships. I'm really not sure how to overcome this one. My boyfriend, I feel, I starting to get worried that our intimate moments are limited to intercourse and that I'm not very responsive. It gives me a great amount of fear knowing this and it also hurts me to no end. Last night, he made a remark jokingly saying, "Since we've never had real sex..." but I got really offended. We had a talk and he said that when he cares about someone he wants to express it in many different ways and given that he is a male and a sexual being, I can completely understand him, but I can't admit to him that I have low self-esteem and that I'm worried about performance and that I'm actually quite inexperienced. How sexy is this going to be? He is otherwise very gentle and patient with me but I'm beginning to feel that he deserves more and better than what I can give him. I really am afraid of sex. I'm ashamed of it. I don't know what's wrong with me. Today I'm a mess. I'm just hurting like crazy and I can't stop crying. He left this morning for work while I was sleeping w/o even kissing me before going out the door (first time that ever happened) and he hasn't called yet. I want to talk to him badly but I can't bring myself to call him either. We've been together for two months now and this is the first time that I feel really, really bad about our situation. I don't want to lose him. I want us both to be happy. But I feel that my insecurities are ruining everything. I knew it was only a matter of time before he discovered that I'm not normal. What do I do?

 
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