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Old 11-21-2006, 12:50 PM   #1
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Need Help With Weird Situation

Hi, I stumbled across these forums and was wondering if anyone could tell me if this is normal or not. I am an inexperienced male (19) that met a hot experienced female (23) about 4 months ago. Itís the first time Iíve had a semi-serious relationship. About 2 weeks ago, I found myself having a hard time paying the bills. My girlfriend offered to let me move in. This would be the first time I ever shared a place with a girlfriend. However, she made a condition that she was not yet ready to have sex (intercourse) with me. She wanted us to wait even though she has been with other guys that way in the past. She asked me if I liked oral sex. I replied that I did and loved giving it to. I thought this was a good answer. However, she said that she doesnít like giving it at all. (It was weird to hear this because I had learned from a previous conversation we had in the beginning of going out that she loved receiving oral sex, but she never mentioned not liking to give it). She said that if I were to live with her we wouldnít have sex but that she would make it up to me by giving me a hand job from time to time. I donít want to delve into too many details here but I ended up moving into her apartment.
Sorry this is so long already but here is the weird thing I need advice on. Now that I am living with her for the past couple weeks Iíve encountered some things. The main thing is that everyday she wants me to go down on her when she gets home from work or the gym and she only wants me to do it from behind! I donít want to refuse because 1. Sheís so damn hot, 2. I really like her and 3. I need a place to stay (and I love living with her otherwise). I donít mind going down on a girl but for some reason she says the only way she likes it is if she receives oral sex in doggie style position. Itís really hard to put your tongue on her with out having to grind your face into her butt. Sorry if this sounds messed up. Is this normal for some women? I asked her about it one day last week right before we were about to go at it but she kind of cut me off and said that it only feels good in that position or with her on top facing away from me. She also said some other stuff like that I am great at getting her off and that Iím awesome. I want to please her. The other thing is that I donít get much in return. If she is on top of me, sheíll give me a quick hand job or make me wrap my hands around myself and she put her hands on mine and gives me a hand job that way. She usually likes it when I masturbate while I go down on her from behind. Iím hoping that sheíll be ready to have sex someday soon but so far she says she wants to wait for a while until she knows itís the right time.

Any advice or am I overreacting to the situation?
Thanks in advance.
Pete

 
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Old 11-21-2006, 01:43 PM   #2
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capp2 HB User
Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

Can u say "Whipped"...Dude what are you doing? you need to run to the nearest exit, this girl is beyond selfish and when she is done with you your out on your rear end..She reeks of selfishness..who are you the houseboy? do you do her laundry too? Dude get real and find a lady..one who will return pleasure for pleasure..roll your mat up and move out..best of luck

 
Old 11-21-2006, 01:49 PM   #3
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

Well, I don't think you're overreacting. Sounds like your girlfriend has quite a nice setup (insert sarcasm) -- oral sex every time she comes home in the position that she requires to get off, and she only has to give out a quasi hand-job in return once in a while.

What do you know about this girl? What kind of past does she have? I mean, I'm a female, and I just wouldn't feel good having someone I care about do this to me and do basically nothing in return -- intimate-wise I'm speaking of. I think I'd feel even worse if my contribution to this scenario is paying the bills.

If you're not satisfied with the current "deal" between you two, it might be time to renegotiate the terms. Maybe hold off on the noggin-in-the-butt, one-way oral sex, with her as the only recipient, until she feels comfortable in having a relationship with you where you both benefit from lovemaking and are able to share something mutually special?

There's plenty of nice, hot girls out there who like to make their man feel good, too

 
Old 11-22-2006, 08:11 AM   #4
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

I agree with the others - you NEED to stop doing what she wants (demands?) until she learns about giving as well as receiving.

Just because you're strapped for cash and needed a place to stay, doesn't make you her slave. I would NEVER let a girl treat me like this. Buy her a vibrator and say "isn't this really what you're after?". Seriously, stop being her toy and start being a man - you can do sooooo much better.

Also, I would be seriously annoyed knowing she behaves like this, yet has had sex (and presumably given oral) before. Obviously it's her right to do it or not, but to practically force you to do it to her exactly as she likes it, then give you nothing in return (oh, apart from the opportunity to give yourself a hand-job!) just stinks.

 
Old 11-22-2006, 09:32 AM   #5
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

At 19, you need to be independent and not rely on someone to take care of you. Get roomates, live in a cheap studio, whatever. As long as she has the upper hand, your nose will remain in her bottom.

 
Old 11-22-2006, 11:36 AM   #6
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

Wow, thanks for the responses! I think I overstated a couple things though - and understated a few others. When I said that I found myself in financial trouble, I wasnít dependent on having to move in with someone. I am fine; I just knew that it would help more than living alone. Plus it was my first chance to live with a girl. Iíve been out of my parentís house for almost 3 years now (long story). I never realized how domineering this all seemed until I read everyoneís responses. It has made me think about my arrangement in more depth. Itís embarrassing to say, even on a message board, that the only real reason for me posting in the first place was that I was concerned about how she was making me give her oral sex. Itís hard for me to describe but when I go down on her from behind the way she loves me to do, she kind of gyrates a lot and my tongue slips all over, and sometimes I am licking her butt. Sorry if this sounds gross. Thatís why I came here though. She seems to really get off when it happens. Iím torn because I feel great knowing that I am making her feel good but feel very awkward knowing how Iím doing it. Do other guys lick girls down there? Sorry if I sound naÔve, I never had a girlfriend in high school that ever mentioned this. I asked her if she really liked that and she said that it felt awesome and that she takes care of herself and not to worry because she is always clean. Over the weekend I tried to be tactful and told her that I didnít like to do it after she comes home from the gym because sheís a bit- I used the work ďripeĒ- down there. She said she understood itís just she gets really horny after working out and that she wouldnít make me if I really didnít want to. I guess I understand a bit for I can get a bit horny after working out too. However, I havenít been to the gym a quite a long time. (Side note Ė need to get back!) So anyway, after reading everyoneís replies, it seems like I am in this horrible relationship. It really isnít. We love to watch TV together, cook together, walk at night together, etc. I love being with her. Itís just that she has some weird ďwantsĒ in the bedroom. I love knowing that I am pleasing her and I get a bit of a thrill out of it.
She has also hinted that she might be willing to take the next step in the bedroom. So weíll see.
My friends are always telling me sheís ďout of my league!Ē but I haven't dared tell them anything I mentioned here. Ha!
I am taking some of your advisement and plan on talking to her about our ďsex lifeĒ soon. I want to do it when the time is right and when I know she wonít get upset.

Thanks again
Pete

 
Old 11-22-2006, 01:16 PM   #7
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by desertdweller
At 19, you need to be independent and not rely on someone to take care of you. Get roomates, live in a cheap studio, whatever. As long as she has the upper hand, your nose will remain in her bottom.
You know, I just re-read my post and realized just how "whipped" it looks like I've become. And desertdwealler's quote: "your nose will remain in her bottom" seems like it rings true.
Can a girl be that devious to make me her "oral sex slave" as one poster put it? We have such a great time together but when it comes to our daily sexual activity, it seems like I've been reduced to just that. And the position she prefers always seems to have me in a compromising poistion with my face in her butt. It seems degrading now that I think about it. Does she get off on making me do that to her? Is she that vindictive? Maybe I am naive.
I'm going to try to talk to her.
Sorry for the double post. Any comments are greatly appreciated.

Pete

 
Old 11-22-2006, 11:14 PM   #8
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

It's not that you don't enjoy each other's company, it's the fact that you two are now living together as boyfriend and girlfriend. She doesn't have sex with you, and she doesn't give you oral sex , but you do to her. It really sounds one sided. Sure it's not abnormal to have a relationship and not have sex, but the fact that you are living with her and she hasn't " taken it to the next level" is weird.
I have a question. If she moved into your place, you paid the bills, and you still were only pleasing her, would you still be okay with it?

 
Old 11-22-2006, 11:40 PM   #9
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Aranta HB User
Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

Okay, this is going to sound a bit wierd.

The fact that you two have no sex except you giving her oral rings an alarm bell. So does an experienced woman not wanting full sex. It's hard to have a chaste relationship once you've had a sexual one.

Also, she doesn't want you to see what you're licking and it's very slimy?
Always after she's been exercising 'at the gym'. Hmm, alarm bells.

Question for you honey, how do you like the taste?

 
Old 11-23-2006, 05:02 PM   #10
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

You sure this 'girl' isn't in fact a guy?

 
Old 11-23-2006, 08:07 PM   #11
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Aranta HB User
Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

That's not what I was suggesting.

 
Old 11-24-2006, 03:06 AM   #12
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Willapp HB User
Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by peteinaz
You know, I just re-read my post and realized just how "whipped" it looks like I've become. And desertdwealler's quote: "your nose will remain in her bottom" seems like it rings true.
Can a girl be that devious to make me her "oral sex slave" as one poster put it? We have such a great time together but when it comes to our daily sexual activity, it seems like I've been reduced to just that. And the position she prefers always seems to have me in a compromising poistion with my face in her butt. It seems degrading now that I think about it. Does she get off on making me do that to her? Is she that vindictive? Maybe I am naive.
I'm going to try to talk to her.
Sorry for the double post. Any comments are greatly appreciated.
Pete
You NEED to talk to her about this soon, otherwise your relationship just won't recover from it. It seems to me that, however 'great' your relationship is generally, in sexual terms she is the one with all the power and control, and you've got nothing.

Now, I'm not saying this is your fault, but in some respects you've allowed it to happen by not realising just how rough a deal you're getting here. As the other posters have said, it seems very odd that she's an experience girl, yet doesn't want a sexual relationship with you? Why is that? It sounds to me like she's getting everything SHE wants from you, without sex or giving you any sexual satisfaction at all.

Perhaps she genuinely feels that she is 'hotter' than you, and therefore you'll bend over backwards (almost literally!) to make her happy, when she doesn't have to return the favour - personally I'd rather be single than be someone's sexual slave, regardless of how 'hot' they were.

If I were you, I'd stop doing what she wants, until she starts to give in return - if she refuses, it's time to walk away...

 
Old 11-24-2006, 10:20 AM   #13
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

Bottom line - she doesn't fancy you but she wants to use you. Period. There is no future in this relationship; she is playing on your feelings for her and stringing you along. If she did fancy you, she would reciprocate fully. Don't mistake your friendship for genuine feelings on her part. The way that she is behaving indicates that she has little respect for you. Imagine if the shoe was the other foot. If you didn't want to sleep with her, what would that tell you about your feelings for her?

Last edited by rephyc15; 12-08-2006 at 10:57 AM.

 
Old 12-11-2006, 03:11 PM   #14
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Let me start by saying ďthank youĒ to everyone who responded with such great advice. Although, I wish I followed it sooner, I want to let everyone know that I finally left her and moved out! Albeit, under humiliating circumstances, I finally saw her for who she really was and couldnít take it anymore. I feel that I really need to re-evaluate the people I date from now on. I need to become less insecure.
I finally came to the harsh conclusion that she was in the relationship for herself and I was there to be used. At first, even after everyoneís advice on this message board, I didnít want to believe that I was being used for her ďpleasure.Ē However, I know now.
I guess Iíll tell everyone what ended up being the point at which I couldnít take it any longer. Let me preface it by saying that I feel humiliated, degraded but free right now. Iím embarrassed for myself and what I let myself do to feel wanted in the relationship. These are lessons Iíve learned.
Last weekend we went out to dinner and a movie and had lots of fun. (Saw The Prestige Ė Great movie, go see it!) When we got home, she started to get really touchy feely and I could tell she was horny. I figured she wanted me to go down on her before bed. However, she simply said, ďI think Iím ready.Ē At first, I didnít know what she meant so I asked. She replied, in certain terms, that she was ready to have sexual intercourse with me. I couldnít believe it. I was so excited.
Iíll try to be brief here. Basically, [she chose to have our first intercourse encounter in the reverse cowgirl position]. But she always preferred that position during oral sex. (Now that I look back on it, I think it was less intimate that way and maybe thatís what she really preferred - Thoughts?) Now, Iím a little excited here, it being the first time for us. I tried to hold back as much as I could but I came very quickly. (Thatís normal the first time isnít it?) I figured sheíd totally understand and we would do it again as soon as I was ready. And at first she didnít seem mad or anything. She just asked me if I had finished already. She sounded a bit disappointed though. So now I am starting to feel bad and sheís not even off me yet. However, I couldnít believe what she did next. She lifted off me and crawled back until her pelvis was above my face and mouth. I asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was still horny and needed me to finish her off. I literally felt a sharp pang in my chest. Itís one thing to give her oral sex, but doing so after having sex and coming in her. I was a bit repulsed. I blurted out ďbabe thatís gross.Ē But she begged me and told me that she was horny and that it wasnít fair and stuff. I donít know why I caved in - time after time it seemed I always did and she knew she could take advantage of that. Afterward, I just felt sick to my stomach. And it wasnít just from that but the whole situation. I felt so degraded and awful. I finally told her I would never do that again.
The next morning I still felt the same way. I became argumentive with her and we got into a huge fight. I told her that she didnít treat me well and that I felt used. She was ******. She didnít even seem remorseful. I wonít go into too much detail but the fight lasted a long time. I finally told her that it wasnít going to work out and that I was moving out. I packed up my things on Monday and she just glared at me the whole time. She made it a point to call a guy she knew to set up a date later on in the week and made sure that I heard the entire conversation. At that point, I didnít even care. Itís what she said to me when I left that really ticked me off and completely showed me the person she really was. She actually said as I was leaving that she had one question for me. [deleted] I thought I was going to punch her but decided I wouldnít stoop to her level and just left without even saying a word.So I am rooming with a buddy until I find my own place. Like I said, I still feel humiliated, degraded and a bit psychologically messed up, to say the least, but man, does it feel good to be free of her. Iím not sure I would have done it without the help of those that replied with such great advice and planted the seed that perhaps I was in a messed up relationship and unless I wanted to be used, I needed to get out. I feel that I would never divulge such intimacies without the aid of an anonymous forum such as this one. It must help a lot of people dealing with such private issues.
Thanks again,
Pete

Last edited by Mod-S4; 12-11-2006 at 03:20 PM. Reason: TMI.

 
Old 12-11-2006, 07:53 PM   #15
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Re: Need Help With Weird Situation

I'm really glad that you finally saw the light but let me tell you it was one huge disappointment to read what finally pushed you over the edge. Your revulsion at YOUR OWN SEMEN is the lamest thing

That's almost as bad as a guy who won't kiss a girl after finishing in her mouth. Think about it. It's good enough for her to taste, but not you?

But whatever. You're out and 'safe' now, lol.

 
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