My husband and I have been married for 4 yrs and 2 mos. we've tried some wacky things, like i put on a strap-on and performed the "guys part" on him, anally. well he has said a couple times that he is curious about what its like to be with a man. he loves women, and in fact, i just found out today that I am actually #10! and not #3 of sexual partners he's had. (I've had 2 including him). Hes lied about that for as long as we've been married b/c he doesnt count 1 night stands. I'm worried that this bi-curious crap could turn into full blown, gotta have gay sex on a reg. basis. did I spark this interest by using the strap-on? He bought it for me at the store. There was a time when we were mutually agreeing to look at porn together. But about a year ago, stopped all together b/c I realized how it affected our love life. Everything in the bedroom was a re-enactment of what we saw on the dvd. there was no REAL love making there. so I got rid of all the crap, and since its been just us. And I must add, its been the most satisfying, love-life I've ever had. (Not that I have 10 men worth of experience like he does with women LOL!) IS THIS NORMAL FOR A "HETEROSEXUAL MAN"
PLease help, if you have input. thanks so much.
Last edited by katiesmith1b; 12-01-2006 at 01:27 AM.
Kat, In my opinion this is not normal for a Hetero man. I have been with my wife 20 years and not once thought of switching teams. If he has the guts to tell you he is curious he is looking for your approval. Hetero or not, men in general are a Horny bunch. If you think there is any chance he is seeing men I would suggest you have him use a condom while having sex with you just in case he is acting out his desires with other men. Better safe than sick.
Last edited by camarillodan; 12-01-2006 at 03:26 PM.
Come on people! Just because he is bi-curious doesn't make him a full blown homosexual ( pardon the pun). I wouldn't say that you sparked his bisexual urges by using a stap-on, afterall, HE bought it didn't he? So he's obviously been thinking about it on his own. Putting the bi-curious urges aside, the thing is that you two are married, that means no one else. He should have got all those urges for other people put of the way before he got married. Unless you two want to swing, he needs to get all those urges out on you, not some other guy. I don't see his behavior as a problem, unless you become not enough for his urges, but doesn't every married person face this possibility?
Buy the way, in my opinion 10 previous lovers doesn't sound way out of line, so don't freak out over it.
I have never considered having my wife use a strap-on with me.
It is not Katie's problem it is his problem. She just has to decide how much she wants to put up with.
Just because it's his personal fetish and not yours doesn't make it a "problem" The only time this would be considered a problem is if he was pressuring and coercing her into do something she didn't want to do.
The poster's original question is if her husband will find heterosexual sex with her not enough for him, and decides to explore sex with men also. Maybe yes, maybe no, who knows? All marriages face the reality that their spouse may desire something new, unexplored, different than what they currently have, and eventually act on it. Only answer is love, honesty, and communication between two people . If her husband's desires for men are more than he can handle in a marriage, then the marriage needs to end. Only her husband can say one way or the other how deep his desires for men are.
Last edited by desertdweller; 12-02-2006 at 10:31 AM.
He took a chance sharing this part about himself, your his wife and his only loving sexual outlet. What I hear is that you fear this is baby steps to some place you will fear he will go without you.
My wife took a differnt approach with me, when I finally worked up the nerve to tell her my curiosity she didn't freak. Not only that, she supported it, asked me allot of questions about it, asked me if I wanted to be with with another man, (which i really didn't). She with love and understanding first accepted it and then added a bit of it into our lovemaking. (though we didn't do the strapon thing, that was a bit too much for me, we did have some toy fun)
I explored and satified much, an you know what, it faded. Just like that. My intrest now not taboo lost its punch. Oh I still have an itch now and then I scratch, but my Hetro side pulled back in full bloom and it made me realize where my full interests were.
Now I know there is nothing I need to fear to ever tell my soulmate, and I am in her debt. I hope with love you can get past this, Sex is an odd fickle thing of the moment that we have little control over, but love is overpowering and it controls sex, not the other way around.
It's hard to say Katie. This could have all started with just anal play, do you think so? You know, just because anal stimulation may feel good to some men (not necessarily strap-on penetration) doesn't mean it's a gay thing. The pleasure nerves in the anal area weren't put there for gay men. Anyway, it's possible your husband has cultivated this desire from anal play alone, maybe even something he's seen on the internet. I saw a site once about that subject matter. (women dominating men with strap-ons) I didn't see it as a gay thing, just about female domination. He could have seen something like that and developed interest because of it.
Then there's the chance he is bi-sexual. If he is he's probably had it in him all along, I don't know. I'd suggest sitting down with him and discussing the matter of bi-curious very frankly. Ask him forthrightly if he is and if he's had tendencies or desires before. If he has I'd hope he'd come clean and tell you. Then you'd know how to sort your feelings.
I was researching anal sex / complications & medical forums & came across this post. The idea that anal sex is not harmful as long as care is taken is a myth perpetuated mainly by irresponsible ppl as far as I'm concerned. I'm not a doctor, however I know that there's a reason that the rectum is internal- bacteria is enough to cause serious problems, let alone external objects.
Briefly- I'm a straight male who was looking for ways to maximise my climax. I experimented with my partner using things like water spray or small objects together with water based lubricants. My partner and I were extremely careful with hygiene and insertion/ stimulation. We researched the risks before, reading several forums and educational sites. Unfortunately, I 'm now left with serious embaressing health complications. Everything was fine at first, I had some intense orgasms but in hindsight they really weren’t worth it. consider that 80% of the population suffer from internal or external haemorrhoids at some point in their lives, putting foreign objects into areas where they're not supposed to go only increases your chances of becoming one of these statistics. I would strongly discourage any man or woman from anal intercourse (as oppose to anal stimulation) because you could end up in my situation. Ironically enough, I now read everywhere that my opinion & experience is often considered a falsity in the realms of word-of-mouth/ 'myth'. Funny, because when blood started pouring out of my anus each time I used the toilet, it felt pretty painfully real.
Thanks for reading.
Last edited by Mixer103; 12-05-2006 at 04:30 AM.
I Believe If He Was Just Bi-curious Then That Should Have Been Satified With The Strap On. (it Is No Difference) But It Seems Like He Wants To See What Its Like To Be With A Man More Than Just Sexually. I Think That You Should Question Not Him But His True Reasons Of Wanting To Be With A Man And The Number Of Women You Have Been With Does Not Determine If You Are Gay Or Not It Has To Do With Alot More Than Just Sex.
in fact, i just found out today that I am actually #10! and not #3 of sexual partners he's had. (I've had 2 including him). Hes lied about that for as long as we've been married b/c he doesnt count 1 night stands.
his behavior is not at all normal for a heterosexual man......
he's already shown you he's lied to you......why would you think he wouldn't lie again?
whatever you want to call it.....bi-curious, bi-sexual, homosexual, etc.....
he wants man on man sex.......are you willing to stay married to a man who wants sex with another man? I sure wouldn't be......
I'm willing to bet that he's ALREADY had homosexual experience, and he's now trying to break the subject to you as a new thing that he's interested in.....believe me, he's thought about it and probably done it long before he mentioned it to you........I'd get out......
marriage means sex is suppose to stay between the two people. I am not sure what the point of getting married is when you want to share yourself with other people. let alone men. If he can get it on with another guy in real life that really means something. I guess he is Bi but you never know if he would completely switch sides after the experience. I would be concerned. I am wondering if he is bored with the marriage and looking for other ways to be excited (hence the porn you mentioned.)