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Old 01-03-2007, 11:46 PM   #1
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Non-Ejaculation

This is not a really important problem, but I was just curious:

When my boyfriend and I make love, he doesn't ejaculate. At least he doesn't when I give him oral sex. I don't know if he does when he's inside me because we don't use condoms (I'm on the pill and we were both virgins). I've read up on this a little bit and I know that it can be a sign of diabetes and some other stuff, but the really confusing thing is that he *does* ejaculate when he masturbates. So it's me. He says that me using my mouth feels better than when he does it to himself, but nothing comes out! I asked him if he's sure he's having an orgasm and he said yes (I guess it's pretty hard to mistake it ), but why doesn't he ejaculate then?

 
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Old 01-04-2007, 05:49 PM   #2
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

Hi Chur,
It sounds like he is faking it because he's embarrased and of course that makes it worse. If he ejaculates when he masturbates then the plumbing is probably okay.
But first, don't think its you, because he doesn't find you attractive or when you make love it doesn't feel good or some other thing you are doing wrong. Just like woman, men can have a hard time finding an orgasm as well.

The first thing people will tell you is that he needs to masturbate less, and then he wouldn't have such problems. While that may be true it hardly fixes the problem the second he goes back to old habbits, well...

So how do you fix this..

I always looked at it this way, With men Orgasm is like stacking blocks. Each sensation adds another block, another level of height. When the blocks get so high, then all the blocks come down and orgasm happens and all is well in the world.

But if something interferes with the block stacking, it delays how long it takes to get high enough. Some actions knock blocks off and you go the other way.
So you need to learn what stacks his blocks, you can do that by watching him masturbate, whatch what he does, what he touches. Beter yet do it for him and ask him what he like best. Once you get that down, then you can move on to lovemaking. Start by getting him almost completely stacked and when he is about to Orgasm, have him finish inside you so he get used to it.

Things to look for that are important..

Rythm, nothing knocks a few blocks off the stack faster than changing timing, Many Men focus on the sensation ad timing of those sensations, you suddenly change the direction or speed of stimulation and your down to one block again and need to build up.

UNsex stuff, Shy Of romantic Dialog do avoid side conversations. Don't bring up stuff you forgot to tell him about the mailman. Sex time is love time, and that is what the conversation should stick to. It doesn't have to be dirty unless it stacks both your blocks, but it should stick to the topic.

Lastly approach the topic gently, he is going to be very uncomfortable, Make a big deal of watching him masterbate, and tell him you want to join in. Learn learn learn, soon you will know him like a book.

Remember, just because something feels better than something else doesn't mean he will reach orgasm faster. So Oral sex is much better than a hand, there is no comparison, but if it lacks rythm, it just short burst of intense pleasure.

I won't kid you, some man are just fire hoses waiting to let fly, in many ways Premature Ejaculation is easier to deal with. Some Men need a kinder, more understanding lover to overcome obstacles in there way, take pride that you can do that for him, thats love.

My couple of pennies..

 
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Old 01-04-2007, 07:59 PM   #3
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

Thanks for your response.

I've already asked him to masturbate for me, and he's uncomfortable with that. He doesn't like the idea and I don't want to push him into doing something he's uncomfortable with. I've also asked him to keep his hand behind my head or on my back to show me what rhythm he likes, and he does do this, but after I get going awhile, he stops, because, I'm assuming here, he likes what I'm doing. I've asked him to explain, in detail, what he does like, but he says he likes it all.

I don't know if it's my lack of skill here; I know if it wasn't happening for him, he would say something, because when we first started trying to make love, I couldn't get it right and he didn't fake it then. Why start now? If he wouldn't fake it to save my ego back then, I can't see him doing it now. And when he does "orgasm," I can feel muscles moving, like something *should* be coming out, it just isn't... But I'll definitely try your suggestions the next time we see each other, just in case! I want it to be good for him, too.

 
Old 01-04-2007, 08:47 PM   #4
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

You situation as described is possible.

 
Old 01-04-2007, 09:31 PM   #5
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

I'm sorry, I don't understand your post. Which situation is possible, my version where he ejaculates when he masturbates, doesn't during oral, or Dave's he's faking it version? Thanks!

 
Old 01-05-2007, 02:50 AM   #6
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

The only way I can see is in my eyes, and understand I am no doctor that a man can orgasm without ejaculation when masturbating and not during other acts is excess.

When a man has a allot of sex in a short period of time, he may have a dry orgasm. It is possible, I think every man has had at least one. But that usually takes allot of sex, by yourself or the standard kind.

There can be a couple of physical problems that could be causing this, I only hesitate because of the fluid during Masterbation.

It's nice to see you have already tried some of my idea's and it shows your a considerate lover.

I guess my next question is, does he always get ejaculation with Masturbation, or does it fail sometimes then too. that would be a big
tell tale sign.

Either way its going to be awkward talking about this, Despite our robust opinions of ourselves, us men tend to get skittish about our plumbing, its a pride thing.

Some medical things off the top of my head I can think of that might cause this, Medication is a biggie, esp anti depressants and anti convulsants. MS is another common one, back issues, a crimped nerve in the spine, and suddenly you need to be in a certain physical possition not to crimp the nerve to reach Orgasm. And the Prostrate is a possible too.

One last one comes to mind, its called something like Retro Ejaculation, I am probably killing the term, but all it means is the ejaculate instead of going up the uretha and out the penis ends up squirting into the bladder.

I don't know much about that one, but from what I understand the tell tale sign of that problem is discolored urine after Orgasm.

Either way if it does turn out that it looks like its physical, and it is possible, He will eventually have to come to terms, swallow his pride and see a urologist. With gentle nudging from you of course or he may never go. My wife has to push me to see the doc, or I will refuse until I just fall over.

I hope I have helped in some small way. I am sure you are worried and him uncomfortable, but look on the bright side. At least he has someone caring and understanding to help him out.

Last edited by moderator2; 01-05-2007 at 07:05 AM.

 
Old 01-05-2007, 05:03 AM   #7
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

It's also just possible that he enjoys oral sex but that he prefers to come during intercourse. Didn't he say that he does ejaculate during intercourse? I wouldn't make achieving orgasm during oral sex a big deal. Enjoy it as part of your foreplay but don't insist that he reach orgasm. Everyone's different. Enjoy it but don't make it into some test that either of you needs to pass. Don't let it interfere with your lovemaking. I hope that made sense.

 
Old 01-05-2007, 05:21 AM   #8
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

Forgive me if I've missed something in your posts because what I read and what people are responding seem to be implying different things.

So to be sure: how do you know if he is ejaculating during intercourse? Woman usually know because the semen drips out later (sometimes over the next few days, to many women's annoyance, lol). But you write "I don't know if..."

Also, how do you know he ejaculates when he masturbates because you write: "I've already asked him to masturbate for me, and he's uncomfortable with that."

To me it sounds like you haven't actually seen him ejaculate, ever.

And if that's the case, it is totally and completely his problem, not yours...

anyway, correct me if I've read it wrong before I go on.

 
Old 01-08-2007, 10:43 PM   #9
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

Thisby: Okay, the story is that neither of us knows whether or not he ejaculates during intercourse. We don't use a condom so there's no way to check that way. He *thinks* he ejaculates during both oral sex and intercourse, so it was a bit of a surprise for him when I told him that nothing comes out during oral. I don't know what semen looks like when it drips out (I've only heard descriptions) and it would probably be dry anyway by the time I noticed it, right? Because I wouldn't feel it coming out. And then I definitely don't know what it looks like if I wouldn't even recognize it the way it naturally is. So that's why I don't know if he ejaculates during intercourse. As for when he masturbates, I'm going on his word alone, which I trust is good.

Zagreus: I'm pretty sure he actually finishes when I give him oral sex because I've asked him on numerous occasions if it happened for him. But I'll definitely run that by him and see what he says. Thanks!

Dave: How much would be considered "a lot" of sex, just out of curiosity? Because that could potentially be it... If it's possible that dry orgasms can happen every time.

Also, he's not on any pills, and I think I would've noticed if he had MS, but he is overweight and has had some nerve problems in his legs; maybe they're happening in his spine too? That's terrifying. I don't know anything about prostates, so I'll have to ask about that, too.

I read about retrograde ejaculation, and I've always thought it, too, was a possibility. Also, it's a symptom of diabetes, which he does not have right now, but is possibly in danger of getting. I think I should take your advice and try to get him to get checked out. I wouldn't let it bother me if that's just the way he was, but it could be a symptom of something really dangerous.

 
Old 02-20-2007, 03:40 PM   #10
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

It could simply be that he masturbates several times each day. There's nothing wrong with that, some guys just like to do it often. Sometimes men are raised to feel that it's wrong to do, and they feel embarrassed about it, so they keep it private, even from their lover. This could explain why he's uncomfortable doing it when you are present.
Also, a man can run out of semen after a few times. He can still have a good orgasm, just little or nothing comes out. That's my guess what's happening with the "non-ejaculation". He could be telling the truth about ejaculating when he masturbates, but by the time he is with you, he has simply run out. I'm not as interested in masturbation as I used to be, but when I was younger, I remember that I would run out after about 3 times in one day.
I would say that if you are both happy with your sex life, then leave things the way they are and enjoy life. But if you must see it for yourself…then I would suggest that you surprise him with a handjob, as soon as he wakes up some morning, when he has had a chance to recharge his batteries. Or, you could encourage him not masturbate one day, with the promise of a nice handjob later. Either way you could help engage him in his favorite pastime while experiencing the full effect for yourself.

 
Old 12-27-2010, 03:40 PM   #11
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Re: Non-Ejaculation

so basically those of us with this problem are screwed. I do not get it because I am with my girlfriend and I feel real good, sometimes almost, but not ejaculating, and it is not her, it is a health issue. I do have prostate problems, which i know are causing a lot of it, so what to do?

 
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