he can't keep it up during foreplay! is this normal? - Sexual Health - General Message Board

*pig_tails* · 06-01-2007, 08:04 AM

Hi,

my partner & i have been having sex the past 2 months and (both were virgins) and i know foreplay is a must for women..well it is for me.. as in the past we did it like 5 minutes later & it hurt so much for me!!

but later understood that foreplay for minimum of 30minutes is what gets women relaxed & turned on. However...it is better...doesn't hurt but the problem is that my partner can't keep it up while his massaging me or going down on me... so the timing is just not there.

Is that normal for a guy to be hard & then while pleasuring his gf he can't keep it up & goes down?? Because its becoming frustrating as when i'm aroused & ready for him to come in... his not up.

In the past i never slept with anyone but have done other sexual things like foreplay etc.. & they always had it up even 30minutes or an hr... so now i'm confused... even thinking my partners not attracted to me enough etc...

We have discussed this.. he says he gets turned on so easily but when he concentrates on pleasuring me..making sure i'm aroused..it just goes down. & then its a viscious cycle.... Is this normal~!???

what can we do~!?? now his saying his going to take viagra! but his only 29!!! my self esteem is really getting down.. never thought i'll feel this way just because a guy can't keep it up but...

friendof · 06-01-2007, 03:55 PM

My opinion is that it can happen that way...and it can vary. I know for myself that when I am performing oral on a woman I tend to concentrate fully on her and often go down. It all depends on what I have in mind...if my mind is on entering her then I'm not really fully into doing the oral but can then keep it up. Having said that once she's had all she can take of oral it is usually her turn to turn me on...it doesn't have to be up to me. Do you see my point?? If it is up to me then I can get myself hard too but it's not as fun.

Sounds to me like you are putting a bit of pressure on him and he on himself to be ready to perform once he finishes oral on you, don't expect this every time. Take it as it comes...he needs to be relaxed and everything will be good.

*pig_tails* · 06-01-2007, 06:18 PM

thanks for your reply!!

he doesn't give me oral for very long..he first touches me everywhere to make me feel relaxed... & i'm not mute during foreplay i do show i am enjoying it etc... & before he does this to me ...i give him oral first... & then he does me...

could it be performance axiety?? i read up something about it... that it could not get up or keep it up... if his focused only on the goal of orgasm???

sorry...i'm just quite new to this... any tips would be much appreciated!!

thank you!

chancer · 06-04-2007, 03:28 PM

I wouldn't worry about it too much. If he cant stay hard while he's performing, that's a different story. He doesnt' have to be hard and ready all of the time for it to be foreplay. What if he did oral first, and then you next? what about 69? heheh. anyway like friendof suggested, just make it a mutual thing. Turn each other on.

friendof · 06-04-2007, 03:50 PM

Yes, take your time, spend more time on the foreplay for both of you. It will help the more relaxed he is (and you too). You should consider giving him oral (again even) after he gives you oral if you want to continue on to intercourse. Performance anxiety is probably more common than we like to admit but it's not too hard...heheh...to overcome. I agree...doesn't have to be so goal oriented...let him know that you are enjoying it no matter what.
Enjoy!