It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - General Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-30-2007, 07:49 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Houston
Posts: 28
china138 HB User
My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Okay here's the deal: I was looking at the history on our computer and saw all these porn sites. I confronted him about it and asked him why he's doing it and he says he uses it to masturbate. He gave me the 'guys are visual creatures' information and I understand that. So I asked him why he doesn't he think about me instead. He told me to have one of my girlfriends take some naked pics of me for him (I'm bi-sexual). So, I told him I didn't like it and not to do it anymore. As far as I know he did. Then a couple of days later I felt guilty and told him to do whatever but to delete it. I don't want to see it. So he did that too. Until last week I found something he forgot to delete! I told him "Oh honey you were doing so good! What's with the 'Dutch Porn' site?" I sort of joked him about it but felt crushed, depressed, not worthy and just utterly low all week long. I didn't know what to do! All my friends tell me its no big deal, all men do it, we don't care that our guys do it, etc. I just can't entertain the thought. I have really low self-esteem even though I know I am attractive (go figure!). This doesn't help. I have been told I am really good in the bedroom and I am always open to new things with him. What is the deal? Does that make a difference? Now I am feeling guilty again and reading related posts on here. 80% of women seem to think its no big deal. Does anyone (guys and girls!) have any advice for me? ANYTHING would help!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-30-2007, 08:44 PM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 252
coty HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

I would not like my boyfriend looking at porn. I know he has done it, and I would not ***** about it, but I would not like it. The kind of relationship that we have built together makes him not want to watch porn, but if he wanted to I guess it depends on how, how much, and if it affects our relationship. I'd feel uncomfortable though.
Does he still want you? does he find you desirable? I guess he does since he suggested you to have pics of you instead.

I think that you do have the answers yourself, you do realize that you have low self esteem. Why don't you tell him that you feel bad about it because you think you are not attractive to him? I'm sure that is not the case though, but if you can talk to him maybe you two can come to a better understanding of each other.

If you two are not having sex, or if he is the kind that needs more sex than you, then maybe he needs to masturbate.

 
Old 08-30-2007, 09:58 PM   #3
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 35
Vegas74 HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

i have awalys looked at porn to masturbate and been in very good relationships at the same time, but i didnt do it often perhaps once a month, or 3 times in a week then nothing for 6 weeks. porn isnt cheating and if he isnt going crazy doing it 3 times a day, no harm done, relax and let him be happy and keep yourself happy too.

 
Old 08-31-2007, 05:29 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,651
StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

I'm in the "can't beat 'em, join 'em" camp with my hubby. Turned out to be a wonderful move on my part. Our sex life has just exploded, and there's no reason for any hiding or deception on his part. It's all just fantasy for both of us

There's something, tho, that's bugging me a little about your post.

First, your BF asked you to take naughty pix of yourself. Did you? Sounds like he's meeting you halfway on a compromise.

Also, you say you're bisexual and have girlfriends. I guess I just think it's a little selfish that you're "allowed" to be sexually adventerous, enjoy your bisexuality with other women, but yet he's not allowed to look at some porn. Do you see what I'm saying? You can have all of your needs and desires met by your BF and other women live in the flesh, but he's only allowed to "think" about you -- no even looking at naked women in a magazine or computer.

It just appears that the scales are tipped very much in your favor.

Please don't take offense to this, and please let me know if I'm misunderstanding something.

 
Old 08-31-2007, 08:05 AM   #5
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Houston
Posts: 28
china138 HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Okay I guess I was unclear about the 'girlfriend' thing. I don't engage sexually with other women at this time, I am faithful to him completely I only said that so you guys would understand why he asked me to have girls take the pictures. We are at a compromise where I am unwilling to share him with a girl, therefore I don't engage and leave him out. Neither of us gets one! As for our sex life, I want it a little more than he does. I am 25 and he is 37 and he says he's getting older and can't keep up with me totally. But its not lacking really, I just like to do it a LOT. He knows about my self-esteem issues and has agreed to stop. Now I feel guilty! Lots of people are saying "Oh well he's just going to do it anyway" and I don't want this. I don't think he'd lie to me though. He says he won't resent me later, he's not mad, but it just seems to easy. And I feel selfish too. Oh, and he says that porn to a him is like a vibrator for a woman - just a tool. Is this true too for you Vegas74 or any other guy? Thank you guys for your help.

 
Old 08-31-2007, 08:37 AM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Taunton, U.K.
Posts: 254
Xant HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Why don't you get him to take some saucy pics of yourself? Tell him its a 'pic only no touch' session...he won't be able to keep his hands off you! Could turn into a fun session for both of you

 
Old 08-31-2007, 09:27 AM   #7
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Houston
Posts: 28
china138 HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Yeah as soon as I get a polaroid I actually met with a professional nude photographer (he doesn't know) to get a big print done in a sexy pose! I will hang it on the wall above the computer

 
Old 08-31-2007, 05:00 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,485
tUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB UsertUrRrRa HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by china138 View Post
Yeah as soon as I get a polaroid I actually met with a professional nude photographer (he doesn't know) to get a big print done in a sexy pose! I will hang it on the wall above the computer
Hehe great idea!!

 
Old 08-31-2007, 08:23 PM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 252
coty HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by china138 View Post
Yeah as soon as I get a polaroid I actually met with a professional nude photographer (he doesn't know) to get a big print done in a sexy pose! I will hang it on the wall above the computer

Way to go girl!

 
Old 09-01-2007, 05:46 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,997
JinL HB UserJinL HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Pictures of a nude is not porn.

Maybe his testosterone is low and/or his Estradiol E2 is high.

They can be checked with a blood test & corrected if needed.

 
Old 09-01-2007, 06:32 PM   #11
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 35
Vegas74 HB User
Re: My boyfriend looks at porn! I don't know what to think :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by china138 View Post
Okay I guess I was unclear about the 'girlfriend' thing. I don't engage sexually with other women at this time, I am faithful to him completely I only said that so you guys would understand why he asked me to have girls take the pictures. We are at a compromise where I am unwilling to share him with a girl, therefore I don't engage and leave him out. Neither of us gets one! As for our sex life, I want it a little more than he does. I am 25 and he is 37 and he says he's getting older and can't keep up with me totally. But its not lacking really, I just like to do it a LOT. He knows about my self-esteem issues and has agreed to stop. Now I feel guilty! Lots of people are saying "Oh well he's just going to do it anyway" and I don't want this. I don't think he'd lie to me though. He says he won't resent me later, he's not mad, but it just seems to easy. And I feel selfish too. Oh, and he says that porn to a him is like a vibrator for a woman - just a tool. Is this true too for you Vegas74 or any other guy? Thank you guys for your help.
yeah its just a tool, guys are visual, speaking for myself sometimes i use it sometimes i dont, i'm 40 BTW. using porn has zero to do with my girl, it never has, the second i'm done it is turned off and i dont give it a second thought, infact i dont think of it again or could even remember what I watched. It is meaningless and makes masturbating better nothing more nothing less. I couldnt stand to keep watching it after i'm done. It dosent fufill anything lacking in my relationships over the years either. I dont use as often when i'm in a relationship-the last 10 years. Even when I was single it was just a tool then too. Dont worrie about it, unless someone has serious issues its a tool.

Thinking about it I can look at my girl who is 30 and blessed with a perfect body and masterbate and its exactly like watching porn to me, i'm disconnected from her, i did this very recently and was thinking of it after i made this post, and am adding it now for you so you can get some insight. when I look at her and do my thing because she isnt in the mood its like looking at porn-not better or worse-its just a visual experience. Now when we are together its a completely different thing, so that confirms just how shallow it is for me-the visual thing it could be her body or a picture on a screen and it feels the same and when i'm done we just start talking about something else. We have a great sex life. I have pics of her too, we took them together, i'm proud to say some were published in a magizine thats distributed world wide, that was a turn of for us.

I dont know you and have no incentive to streach the truth, i really hope this post helps you.

Last edited by Vegas74; 09-01-2007 at 06:45 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
boyfriend can't get/keep it up digmusic Sexual Health - General 13 01-11-2010 07:19 AM
Would you be upset if you saw your boyfriend's porn? digmusic Relationship Health 30 12-29-2009 08:21 AM
Insecurities over boyfriend and pornography springday09 Relationship Health 15 09-01-2009 04:44 PM
Boyfriend is taking Zoloft, loss of libido but still watching porn katalyst Sexual Health - Men 2 08-27-2009 08:18 PM
Confused by my boyfriend Virginia82 Sexual Health - General 4 04-01-2007 12:40 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



lenvegas (12), rosequartz (8), writeleft (6), Kszan (5), solofelix (5), Tivo123 (4), ladybud (4), Titchou (4), Kali333 (4), captjane (4)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1005), Apollo123 (905), Titchou (848), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:18 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!