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Old 01-22-2008, 03:30 PM   #1
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What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

My question is what man would rather look at porn and masturbate then actually have sex. our sex life use to be awesome now its non existant!!! any help?/

 
Old 01-22-2008, 03:44 PM   #2
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebird68 View Post
My question is what man would rather look at porn and masturbate then actually have sex. our sex life use to be awesome now its non existant!!! any help?/
Oh boy, I do know what you mean. Guys just don't think it's a bad thing to masturbate to porn or read dirty stories. I think most guys feel they aren't doing anything wrong cuz all they are doing is looking. My bf uses the excuse "It's natural". I think they do it because they have done it all their lives. You really can't do anything about it, but you can try to spice up your sex life by doing sexy things that he would never expect you to do. And try to find out what he's masturbating to, so you can see what he likes and maybe if youre comfortable with whatever he's into you may get a rise out of him. (Literally hahaha.)

 
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Old 01-23-2008, 01:48 PM   #3
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

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Originally Posted by Freebird68 View Post
My question is what man would rather look at porn and masturbate then actually have sex. our sex life use to be awesome now its non existant!!! any help?/
all men masturbate with or without porn.

Now if your husband is only looking at porn and masturbating and not having sex with a real person he has a problem. You should probably find out what exactly he is looking at that he is so into. He might be in to a fetish and doesn't/wouldn't ask you do engage in.

There are all kinds of reasons he may have stopped having sex with you. The first thing is to find out what he is looking at. Then talk to him about your needs. Dotn scream at him about it just have a very open discussion. Find out the problem. If he comes up with all men watch porn so its ok. (which most of us do. we are visual creatures and like to watch). bring up that its ok to watch porn but your ignoring me which isnt' ok.

 
Old 01-23-2008, 01:53 PM   #4
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX???

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Originally Posted by bng12 View Post
Oh boy, I do know what you mean. Guys just don't think it's a bad thing to masturbate to porn or read dirty stories. I think most guys feel they aren't doing anything wrong cuz all they are doing is looking. My bf uses the excuse "It's natural". I think they do it because they have done it all their lives. You really can't do anything about it, but you can try to spice up your sex life by doing sexy things that he would never expect you to do. And try to find out what he's masturbating to, so you can see what he likes and maybe if youre comfortable with whatever he's into you may get a rise out of him. (Literally hahaha.)
it is natural for men to masturbate. we play with our penises from the time we are kids. Some men use their imaginations, some use porn some read stories. its all just aids to give us the release we need. (yes most men would prefer to have that release with a partner but I've never met a female that would have sex with me 2 times a day)

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-23-2008 at 08:45 PM. Reason: Use proper terminology.

 
Old 01-23-2008, 02:07 PM   #5
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

laziness

disrespect of his partner

fear of failure

 
Old 01-23-2008, 02:20 PM   #6
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

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laziness

disrespect of his partner

fear of failure
hehehehe you crack me up Rose

I dotn agree with teh lazy part.

certainly there culd be a disrespect of the partner. Espeically if he doesn't want to talk abou ti.

hmm.. dont know about failure, I think more a fear if he shared what he was looking at (fetish) it would be greeted with scorn or ridicule.

 
Old 01-23-2008, 02:23 PM   #7
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

I say laziness because it's easier and quicker and he doesn't have to worry about satisfying his partner......that's laziness in my book.

 
Old 01-23-2008, 05:21 PM   #8
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

Rosequartz, I didn't like that one, either.
Masturbation is not about sex, nor is it about one's partner.
If someone wants to be lazy with their penis, and doesn't want to take the time to make love with their partner, and just wants to get off, that is their business.
I can't imagine asking permission to masturbate.

When I masturbate, it is not because of fear of failure. It is because I know what is going to happen, and crave that burst of quick pleasure.

I've been married to my first date, for 34 years now. Masturbation, in my case, has nothing to do with disrespecting my partner, either. Do I see it as disrespectful if I catch her with a vibrator? No, I think she is having a quickie with herself....and more power to her.

 
Old 01-24-2008, 05:32 AM   #9
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

I don't think women will ever understand. A quick tug & all is good. No foreplay or preperation, no cuddling or hours of talking afterwards, no worring about making anyone else happy. As Dice Clay put it," Guzsh Guzsh Guzsh & Im back before the commericals are done."

 
Old 01-24-2008, 09:13 AM   #10
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

Masturbation isn't the problem, it's the "not having sex with her" that's the problem. It isn't lazy to masturbate when you want, but it is lazy to masturbate and ignore your partner, just because you don't want to put forth any effort at all.

I'm sure most men would be upset if they found out their wives would rather play with her vibrator, instead of putting forth any effort to have sex with her husband, all the time, everytime. To me, that would be lazy, and selfish.

Fear would be, fear of rejection, fear of failure to get an erection, or whatever. I do believe some men with ED can sometimes avoid the issue and masturbate instead. Am I wrong?

Again I don't think it's the masturbation that's the problem, it's the part where he's ignoring HER that is. That would be a HUGE problem for me. I have the higher libido in my marriage though, so that might be part of it lol.

 
Old 01-24-2008, 09:19 AM   #11
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

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Originally Posted by Leaf80 View Post
Fear would be, fear of rejection, fear of failure to get an erection, or whatever. I do believe some men with ED can sometimes avoid the issue and masturbate instead. Am I wrong?

Again I don't think it's the masturbation that's the problem, it's the part where he's ignoring HER that is. That would be a HUGE problem for me. I have the higher libido in my marriage though, so that might be part of it lol.
men with ED cant masturbate either or find it very hard to masturbate. Fear with a long time partner is not an issue.

I agree if he is ignoring her its a problem and detremental to the marriage.

 
Old 01-24-2008, 09:22 AM   #12
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

Actually, I do believe, men with ED can masturbate, since they don't need an erection to do so. At least, that's what I've been told /shrug

ETA: Also, when I say fear of rejection I mean, if a woman rejects her husbands attempts in having sex, he may just become frustrated or doesn't want to be rejected again, so therefore he just masturbates instead of taking the chance of another rebuff.

Who knows, there could be 1001 reasons why he chooses to do it, but she needs to talk with him and figure out if he's interested in salvaging the marriage or interested in a divorce. Maybe because I'm bossy, but I wouldn't take silence or "I dunno" for an answer. It would be addressed or I'd move on.

Last edited by Leaf80; 01-24-2008 at 09:26 AM.

 
Old 01-24-2008, 09:31 AM   #13
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

Oh yes indeed, men with ED can masturbate, the penis doesn't have to be very firm and erect to ejaculate!!

 
Old 01-24-2008, 09:39 AM   #14
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

Don't be so harsh on our male counterparts. The men who have posted here are right on and probably better able to give you an honest assessment. A man masterbating is nothing more then a man working out to look or perform well for you. If he is not performing there can be physical problems - i.e. a drop in testerone, glucose imblance, or prostate disorder. Last time you were together was he able to keep "perfect posture" throughout the act or did he slump once he penetrated?

 
Old 01-24-2008, 09:45 AM   #15
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Re: What causes a man to masturbate instead of SEX??

Understood but maybe he can't perform for some reason. She needs to look back to the last time and see if there was anything that happened to change the appettite.

 
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