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Old 03-02-2008, 09:34 AM   #1
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cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

my bf and i (both 24) recently started having sex with eachother. however, the only position where i can reach an orgasm is by being on top. he is more dominant than me, and he would much rather be on top doing all the work pleasing me, rather than me on top.

he also is a little upset that it takes me so long to orgasm for every session. i mean sometimes it's fine because we might want to go for a long time, but he wants to know he can make me orgasm in just a few min b/c he feels a real man who is doing his job can.

I want to have an orgasm every time no matter what position, but i want to make him feel like he is doing all the work to get me there, and not rely on myself having to be on top.

I have no trouble getting wet; it's just I find no matter how hard he tries i dont get much clitoral stim on the bottom.

I also finish off with my vibrator sometimes b/c it really hits me where i need it. but he doesnt like me using it and gets upset.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'd really appreciate it.

 
Old 03-02-2008, 11:42 AM   #2
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

You really need to educate you bf on how a women's body works. He obviously just doesn't get it. It is normal for women to take longer to orgasm. Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, he will just have to deal with that and find a way to stimulate your clitoris in different positions. Which could be a lot of fun trying to find the ones that work for you both. Maybe have him check out some magazine articles or books that can explain it better to him. Let him know that using toys does not mean he is "less of a man" or can't please you-they should be fun for both you.

 
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Old 03-02-2008, 01:29 PM   #3
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

He should be happy giving you an orgasm, no matter what position is best for you.

Some women can't orgasm through intercourse at all, so I see nothing wrong with you taking some time to orgasm. It should not be a reflection on his manhood. I've only had a few partners, but one could orgasm quickly and one couldn't orgasm through intercourse at all. I didn't consider it a reflection on my ability, as I could make her orgasms easily with oral. However I could make her feel good was fine for both of us and we both enjoyed sex together.

What I am trying to say is that a guy should be happy to give a woman an orgasm any way that she can have one. There should be no problem on his part how he does it. It seems like he has this macho attitude that he must dominate for him to be a man. If I were a woman, I would be afraid that an attitude like that would spread from sex onto the daily relationship.

Sex should be enjoyable for both parties, with both doing whatever is reasonably necessary for the others pleasure. Notice that I said reasonably, as in both must be happy with it. Sex is not about domination. It is about the enjoyment of 2 people. It is fine to play domination games if both people like that, but a real domination feeling is not healthy, in my opinion.

Not liking you using a vibrator, along with the other things, is an indication that he has a real confidence problem with his sexual abilities. There is probably no reason for him to feel that way, except that he has this eronious preconcieved opinion of what makes a real man. It is not domination, but the ability to give a woman a loving relationship and to make her happy in whatever way works the best for her.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 03-02-2008 at 09:59 PM. Reason: TMI/How-to. Please follow the special rules of this board.

 
Old 03-02-2008, 02:57 PM   #4
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

Not all women can orgasm in all positions as well as men. I have known of guys who just think it feels better for them to be on top and in control. This is just selfish. You are fine and do not worry which position you are in to climax, just that you do.

 
Old 03-02-2008, 03:44 PM   #5
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

Nonnie -

I agree with skyy11, it doesn't matter which position you're in as long as you can orgasm because many women can't from intercourse alone. However, you could have a different 'kind' of orgasm (G-spot or vaginal) in another position such as rear entry, as whytry mentioned.

 
Old 03-02-2008, 04:08 PM   #6
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

What men don't understand is that they can't control every aspect of what feels good to us. We need to tell them what feels good. Like what was stated earlier, some women need oral, a kiss to the ear, being on top, being on bottom, etc.

You not climaxing while on the bottom has nothing to do with you BF. You probably need a lot of friction and being on top gives you that.

I am just like you - only orgasm on top, and my husband doesn't care what position we are in, as long as I am satisfied.

Your body is made the way it is and you cannot help that. He has no direct control over how you orgasm.

He should learn to enjoy whatever you enjoy.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 03-02-2008 at 10:03 PM. Reason: TMI.

 
Old 03-02-2008, 10:21 PM   #7
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

thanks everyone. i do hope that my bf is really not trying to make this a control thing and i hope he doesnt have issues with himself.

maybe he just felt bad b/c he wants to be able to please me. we were in the middle of the act when i told him i wanted to get on top, after about 15 min into it. he asked me if it was feeling good for me, but i said iwasnt feeling enoughfriction and needed to go on top. he got a little bummed and a little embarrassed. we actually had to stop b/c he started to say that he thought he wasnt turning me on or just doing it for me. i told him when im on top, i can orgasm, but he said he wants to be the one making me do it hmmmm.


i mean maybe i can see where he is coming from. say for instance, he could only orgasm if he was masterbating or looking at porn. i would feel pretty bummed in a way. i know this case is a little more extreme. but kinda makes me angry and a little concerend. whats wrong with using a vibrator if he is using it on me? i actually wish i could orgasm on the bottom b/c i enjoy being more submissive, but i hve to feel satisfaction as well.

 
Old 03-03-2008, 01:22 AM   #8
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

everyone orgasms in diff positions mysef found it dificult to orgas with a man but could with a toy the only way i ever had an orgasm with a man was with me on top going for it really hard and fast for 30 mins then and only the i would have one provinding the man could last that long most couldnt

 
Old 03-03-2008, 05:10 AM   #9
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

This isn't the same guy you met at the gym who was pushing you to go to fast in the relationship is, it? Because if it is, there's a much larger problem that you need to deal with, namely the fact that the guy is a major control freak. I'm not so sure you should be sleeping with the guy if he's going to be so pushy and controlling of you. For a guy to get upset over such petty things really just isn't normal behavior.

 
Old 03-10-2008, 07:32 AM   #10
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Re: cant orgasm unless im on top (bf isnt happy)

You go first, then let him on top. Works for me.

 
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