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Old 03-27-2008, 03:21 AM   #1
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Unhappy My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

Hi, im new here. Sorry if this post seems kind of redundant. To my relief, I have found several females here that are having the same problem as me. Well here goes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years and for about the past year or more, our sex life has gone bad! Well to be honest, it was never spectacular to begin with. I want sex quite frequently, but he doesn't. When we do have sex, it seems like a real chore to him. He gets so tired and looks like he isnt having that great of a time. If I even touch him to caress and love him during sex, he gets annoyed and tells me to stop. He also has a hard time staying hard when we do it, especially when I am on top. We frequently have to stop and I have to give him oral for him to get hard again. When he has masturbated earlier in the day, he wont do it with me at night. Its like he can only come once a day and he is only 25! Its like I have to beg him to have sex with me anymore, and when we do it I regret it because it ends up not being enjoyable at all, for him or I.

Also, we dont kiss anymore. Well, he wont kiss me at least. He says I am bad at kissing and he has showed me several times how am I doing it wrong, and I still dont get it. It's like he has to make kissing into some complicated math problem! I have just given up on that because no matter how I try to kiss him, it's wrong.

I have tried to wear sexy outfits, sexy shoes, sexy hairstyles, everything. None of those even help, he doesnt even say anything when I do any of those things. I try to talk dirty to him and he just ends up laughing or saying I am not acting like myself. When I tell him my fantasies or "naughty" things I would like to do with him he just looks at me funny and says Im not the kind of girl that should be doing those things, only girls in porn should do that kind of stuff he thinks.

Whenever he does oral on me, he gets bored really quick and gives up. He says I take too long to come no matter what he does. I tried explaining to him how to do it as well. To this day, I still have never orgasmed with him.

I took him to a sex shop once to see if we could find anything that would spice things up for us. He just ended up getting really bored and disgusted by everything. He got kind of mad when I bought a little vibrator for myself and he refused to help me pay for it. He said the sex shop is for different kinds of couples, not ones like us.

Also, I dont know if this matters, but whenever we buy things like lube or condoms in the store, he makes me pay for half of it! Maybe im wrong on this, but it just seems the guy should pay for those things. They are inexpensive after all as well.

The thing is, besides sex everything else in our relationship is great. We love to cuddle, he treats me well, we have a great time hanging out together, everything. But when it comes to sex, it is bad.

What is going on?! Im getting so frustrated and I am tired of just having to please myself all the time. I wish he would just be a man and throw me on the bed and talk dirty to me once in a while. I wish he would kiss me as well! What can I do?!

Also, you can definitely rule out cheating in this situation. Im 100 percent positive that isnt the problem here.

Last edited by JuneBug86; 03-27-2008 at 03:23 AM.

 
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Old 03-27-2008, 12:04 PM   #2
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

hmm.. are you sure he loves you? are you sure he isn't having some sort of internal struggle? its strange that he says your a bad kisser (though some people are, its never stopped me from kissing htem)? From what you say I dotn think he loves you. I think he may have some problems he needs to work out for himself.

move on and find someone that will love you.

 
Old 03-27-2008, 12:59 PM   #3
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

It seems really unusual to me that a male is disinterested in sex with his girlfriend. If anyone would like to correct me, go ahead. But most guys bow over drooling when their girl dresses up sexy and shows them a good time (at least mine does). When they don't, and have no interest in sex, I would say something more is wrong with the relationship than the obvious. With that said, the whole "everything else is great" don't really make sense to me? I'm not saying that's not possible but how is everything else great when he's not showing you what you seem to want? Maybe you just haven't hit rock bottom with it all yet...

 
Old 03-27-2008, 01:47 PM   #4
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Smile Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

Hi...

I came across your thread and found it be very interesting. I've been in many relationships in the past where i felt as though i wasn't being satisfied either. It was either, he was horrible at doing the act of being intimate with me, Or his interest in doing anything physical was very much subsided. I find it odd that you think everything is "great", a man needs to touch you everwhere in your life...(heart, soul, interests, body.) I will say this is a hard thing to find, some men get bored very easily. It may be best to find someone who can appreciate your wants/needs.. and the fact you put so much effort into making him happy. You need someone who will care that much also. Just my little tidbit.. have a good night!

Daisy

 
Old 03-27-2008, 01:53 PM   #5
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

don't waste any more time with him.....

 
Old 03-28-2008, 07:51 AM   #6
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

What does he say when you guys talk about it? Does he give you any indication of WHY he is like this? I know that this is easy for us to say since we aren't in the relationship but I agree that this guy is a waste of your time.

 
Old 03-29-2008, 12:22 PM   #7
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

Is everything else in the relationship going okay? Maybe his testosterone levels are low.

In my opinion, I don't find it "strange" or "abnormal" to want to go to a sex shop, dress up, or try something new. I've relized with time that most of my friends actually have tried toys when I didn't even realize it. You shouldn't feel guilty about it and he shouldn't make it seem like something strange and for "other couples." About buying things, I don't expect my boyfriend to buy everything, but I would find it strange if he wanted to split the cost EVERY time. I buy things on my own and he does the same... I paid for my own toys because it was at my own ladies party I had. I just think it's odd he wants to split it every time like that.

If sex is a big part of what YOU want, will you still be happy with him if things stay the same way? It's something you have to decide. Most guys I know love girls who are adventurous, but maybe he isn't the type. Maybe he is stressed out about something in his life... it's so hard to tell for sure. It may be something you really need to sit down and talk to him about if you feel it is ruining the relationship.

 
Old 03-29-2008, 09:19 PM   #8
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

G-A-Y.

maybe? If everything is great except for sex...

 
Old 03-30-2008, 06:35 AM   #9
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

He rather be snuggling with some beefcake. Your story screams he's playing for the wrong team. I would bet if you brought this up he would flip out with denile.

You have done plenty, find someone who will love you back.

 
Old 03-30-2008, 10:28 AM   #10
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

Coming from the opposite situation, I am not interested in sex with my husband, but he is, and I can tell you this: I am not interested because he has ruined the marriage, and I am going to be leaving him, when I am done with my schooling and can support myself and daughter. Otherwise I would be into the sex! Now since you say everything else is ok, then it seems like he views you as a great friend, or I would agree that he may be gay. I think that if it were low testosterone, he wouldn't be upset with you when you caress him during sex. Sounds to me more like he may be gay and in denial. But whatever it is, move on and don't let this cause you problems in the future. The longer you stay with him, the harder sex life will be for you in future relationships. Good Luck, keep us posted!!!

~A~

Last edited by aspidites; 03-30-2008 at 05:56 PM.

 
Old 04-01-2008, 05:13 AM   #11
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

Well, the sex in our lives used to be a lot better. I think the main thing is our sex lives have gotten boring and I am willing to try and spice things up, but he is not.

He has been stressed with school lately though as well.

The one thing that has always confused me is 2 things. He gets very tired during sex. I mean, he gets so sweaty it is like he just took a shower. He usually has to stop and take a break. The other thing is he has always had trouble keeping it hard while we are doing it. He always gets soft and flops out. He especially has trouble staying hard when I am on top. Is this at all normal? Do men usually get this tired while having sex? Do young men have trouble keeping it hard? I have never had a sex partner before him so I dont know about these things.

 
Old 04-01-2008, 10:00 AM   #12
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

So I say either he was raised in a home where affection was non existent or a "bad" thing.

or

He's gay. Not wanting to have sex, and not even wanting to be caressed are 2 different things. Most people want affection during sex and need that closeness.

The only other thing I could add is my boyfriend likes sex doggy style, and when i'm on top or we're in another position I can tell he gets less hard, but as soon as he flips me around he gets totally hard again. So maybe your bf just doesn't know what works for him yet?

But you need to know that wanting sex, and trying different sexual things, toys, fantasies or WHATEVER is absolutely normal and not just for "other couples". That is ridiculous.

You just need to determine whats a deal breaker for you, or what you can and can not live with. Because IMO someone who is like your bf is the biggest turn off... And one day from now if you're still with you bf you will most likely of grown a ton of resentment towards him.. You can and will meet someone one day who shares the same interests as you in every department.

 
Old 04-02-2008, 11:40 AM   #13
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

Low testosterone/sex drive, gay, bisexual, seeing some one else on the side?? Any of these things are possible. The bottom line is, he needs to see a doctor if it's physical or emotional. If he swares that, that's (physical/emotional) not the problem, and he's not willing to get some help, you really should move on. Because clearly there is a problem.

 
Old 04-04-2008, 04:50 PM   #14
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Re: My boyfriend is disinterested in sex with me

Is he healthy? Like does he eat pretty healthy and get exercise? Even if a person appers to be in shape and isn't overweight or anything, if they just sit around, it can really drain their energy! I knew a girl who was 95 pounds but all she did was sit around watching TV and eating pringles, popcorn, and dr. pepper all day. She just had a fast metabolism, but at the gym, she couldn't keep up with the rest of us since she barely ever worked out. Sex can be the same... it can be tiring if you are out of shape and are spicing things up. If his energy is drained from school, it may just be picking away at the sex. I really do think it could be low testosterone as well though, but that you would have to find out through the doctor.

 
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