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Old 05-23-2008, 07:51 AM   #16
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
I'm not talking about you in particular.....just love in general.....
if resentment is allowed to build up, it kills love....
I don't understand your comment about my lifestyle not being healthy.....would you like to elaborate?
Sorry mine was a general statement too....I just meant that a healthy relationship/lifestyle is one that has ongoing mutual displays of affection which includes sex. I really dont buy into the life/time changes things, we all have brains which allows us to evaluate and improve any situation regardless of natural change.

 
Old 05-23-2008, 08:46 AM   #17
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

Some of what I was tryng to say is reflected in the words of misty800's reply.

My DH also works a full time job (self employed), but it seems that when he gets home, his day is done.

That is where my resentment comes in. I feel that I am doing everything when I get home while he watches TV or goes to hangout with his friends. Don't come up to wanting some loving while I'm doing chores and you've been doing whatever you want.

And as far as the affection part goes, it's sad to say, but yes that would all be rekindled with a new relationship.

I know I must sound like a very bitter lady, but honestly, I am not. I am a very loving person. I love compliments and the right kind of attention. I want time spent on me and helping me. I love my DH dearly and am not looking for a "new" relationship. I am willing to work at the one I have as we have so much time invested. If you read some of my other posts, it may show you why I am the way I am.

 
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Old 05-23-2008, 09:05 AM   #18
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

This topic so fits where my H and I are in our marriage......

We have been married 20 yrs--dated for 10, so together for 30 yrs! (ack) We have fell into a a heartbreaking slump for the past 5-6 yrs sad to say. Our sex is great when we have it--2-3 times a month We never do ANYTHING together, never go out on dates, we have nothing in common at all. He sleeps on the couch infront of his big screen tv, while I sleep in our marital bed alone 5 x's out of the week, hoping everynight will be the night he comes to bed. Our bond has been broken, I beleive it can not be repaired. We just coexist together for the sake of our children 16/14. I am so ready to move on, there has got to be a more exciting life out there than this. I am fairly attractive, not heavy--I can find someone out there that can share the rest of my life doing things together that we both have in common. I feel very stuck and I don't know what to do---should I stay or should I go---life is too short to wait for his affection and attention. Just putting my laundry out there---thanks for reading. Good Luck all.....
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~Angie

 
Old 05-23-2008, 09:08 AM   #19
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

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Originally Posted by tlhalabama View Post
Some of what I was tryng to say is reflected in the words of misty800's reply.
.....
If you read some of my other posts, it may show you why I am the way I am.
tlhalabama, I appreciate your honesty and your comments!

Funny how life goes...this is actually my second marriage, the first lasting 13 years, this marriage now is on year 5. In my first marriage my wife worked part time and I worked full time. But still I did most of everything around the house and with the kids [including ALL the kids homework with them] and made dinner each and everyday as well as breakfast and lunch on weekends. On top of everything I still had a very strong sex drive and was and still am very affectionate. It seems though, as life would have it, the more I did and the more affectionate I became the more she resented me and pushed away my affection. It got so bad that I honestly could not even touch her in any way, hug , kiss or otherwise without being totally rejected. Of course I could not live like that and "I" found a marriage counselor and put us through counseling, but she still would not have anything to do with improving the relationship or marriage in any way shape or form....so of course it ended.

You see, not all men put forth minimal to no effort and not all men who do put forth effort get rewarded with in kind effort. Now with nearly 20 years of marriage and relationship experience under my belt and yes reading books [whole entire books] about relationships and marriage and one that I am sure it hard to believe....taking a college course on the "Psychology of Women" to help me understand to female mind. So at the other end of the spectrum, I stand as a man who does way more than his share and rarely gets equal returns. Even now, in this marriage I am the lead and the stability...which frankly I am getting tired of.

 
Old 05-23-2008, 09:14 AM   #20
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angiejr2 View Post
This topic so fits where my H and I are in our marriage......

Just putting my laundry out there---thanks for reading. Good Luck all.....
Angie, thanks for sharing.

I understand where you are coming from BELIEVE me! And what I really don't understand is how people can accept living like that....obviously you can not and seek a warm growing relationship. And no, the length of time together is not an excuse for a dead lifeless, loveless, emotionless relationship with no affection. Sharing love and affection is and should be a normal part of any human beings life. I just dont understand how people can settle for a co-habitation life style.

 
Old 06-04-2008, 06:54 AM   #21
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dynobot View Post
why don't people do something about it when it fades away?
Maybe because they get tired of jumping from one person to the next over and over again every time the passion fades out.Is it worth changing your entire life for some good sex that may only last one year?

 
Old 06-04-2008, 10:56 AM   #22
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

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Originally Posted by dsheldon3 View Post
Maybe because they get tired of jumping from one person to the next over and over again every time the passion fades out.Is it worth changing your entire life for some good sex that may only last one year?
Not for sex no.....

However Love is more than just about sex, more than just about kissing or cuddling etc.

There is an aspect to a relationship that enables and encourages people to grow on many levels, if its not there then the relationship is of no use.

 
Old 06-04-2008, 01:54 PM   #23
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

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Originally Posted by Dynobot View Post
Not for sex no.....

However Love is more than just about sex, more than just about kissing or cuddling etc.

There is an aspect to a relationship that enables and encourages people to grow on many levels, if its not there then the relationship is of no use.
Well,we was going to grow some flowers but we have been having a horrible bee problem.Maybe we will grow some cucumbers.

 
Old 06-04-2008, 03:36 PM   #24
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsheldon3 View Post
Well,we was going to grow some flowers but we have been having a horrible bee problem.Maybe we will grow some cucumbers.
Funny

 
Old 06-04-2008, 10:29 PM   #25
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

DH and I love each other, but we don't show affection like before, but we're both okay with that. We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary and have two grown children. Our daughter still lives at home, and I think our son plans on moving back home due to our lousy economy and not being able to afford to live on his own anymore (we aren't much better off). Anyway, I'd say if the affection has gone by the wayside but neither person is bothered by it, then that's okay. If one of the partners in the marriage has a problem with that, though, then I'd say it's time for marriage counseling or maybe it's time to move on.

Last edited by comeonnow; 07-16-2008 at 01:36 AM.

 
Old 06-05-2008, 04:06 AM   #26
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

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Originally Posted by comeonnow View Post
DH and I love each other, but we don't show affection like before, but we're both okay with that. I think it's probably close to half a year since we've had sex, which it really doesn't matter. We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary and have two grown children. Our daughter still lives at home, and I think our son plans on moving back home due to our lousy economy and not being able to afford to live on his own anymore (we aren't much better off). Anyway, I'd say if the affection has gone by the wayside but neither person is bothered by it, then that's okay. If one of the partners in the marriage has a problem with that, though, then I'd say it's time for marriage counseling or maybe it's time to move on.

I agree...to each his/her/their own, some couples are fine with it and thats great. I think in a perfect world people who dont need affection would mate up more frequently. But this is not the case [in my case] counseling is not an option for her so the only choice is to move on.

 
Old 06-05-2008, 11:49 PM   #27
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dynobot View Post
I agree...to each his/her/their own, some couples are fine with it and thats great. I think in a perfect world people who dont need affection would mate up more frequently. But this is not the case [in my case] counseling is not an option for her so the only choice is to move on.
It's a shame that she won't go for counseling. I'd hope that that would help, but if you say it's not an option for her, then I guess you've come to the right conclusion to move on. It must be really frustrating and sad that your desire affection and she won't give you any.

I'm just sorry that you're having to go through this ordeal, and I hope that you can find happiness someday. It's too bad that so much time was wasted, but that's not your fault, and you still have lots of time to be happy. I wasted eight years of my life with a guy who was verbally abusive and looking back, I don't know why I put up with it. We weren't married, just engaged, but we were together every day. I guess when you get settled in a relationship, whether it be dating or marriage, over time you get used to being with the same person and don't feel like starting all over again even if the relationship is far from ideal. You get to know the other person and his/her habits and try to see the good points about that person and overlook the bad. The thing is, you aren't really happy, and then one day you realize how much time has passed without things getting any better and you feel cheated out of the life that you should have had all along had it not been for this person who has taken up your time. You realize that it's time to move on, which is where you are at right now. Make plans and make it happen if you think there is no other solution in your situation. I wish you the best of luck starting over.

Last edited by comeonnow; 07-16-2008 at 01:40 AM.

 
Old 06-06-2008, 10:03 AM   #28
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Re: Where Did The Love Go?

Thank You Comeonnow,

There was a time when I wished the same thing....that my sex drive would die away, because she is not the first. I mean, I have had other gf's in the past and eventually we ran into much the same situation, where my sex drive never decreases in fact it increases with the more sex I get and my performance gets better as well.

On the other hand, this IS part of what really makes me the person I am, not just sex but the whole affection part of life. So essentially I would have to abandon who I am and become a whole different person....I just cant do that.

I learned a lot about myself going threw this so I dont look at it as time waisted but just a hard lesson to learn about myself and what really is important to me. I spent my time and learned my lesson, I have no regrets about leaving her either. What has really been the sickening part is to actually watch the consistant pattern of how affection travels. The more I try to hug, kiss and show affection to her the more she would hug, kiss and show affection to her dog. I would walk into a room and find her snuggled up with the dog on the floor, with the dog roled over on its back and she holding it in her arms.

 
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