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Old 06-01-2008, 01:29 PM   #1
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whats going on with me

I have been dating my high school sweat heart for 7 years now. she is the one. the last few years i have been noticing a decline in her affection and compassion. we still have sex a few times a month, but it seems she makes it feel like a chore at 1st but once we get into it she is great. she just seems to not be into kissing other then the peck on the lips here and there... she has been on birth control for a while and i honestly think it started declining when she started. we have talked about it and she had switched pills and she just says shes not a affectionate person but i know she was a lot more affectionate before. she also recently went to visit her brother in california and decided she really wants to move there and i know its probably just the post graduation itch from college to get outa town. its really making me depressed and every time i try to talk about it she says im being to sensitive. she said she doesn't want to brake up and she loves me but she has not been acting like it... could it just be because i feel depressed about her saying she wants to move or could it be something with the birth control messing with her body. she 1st said she wanted to move to cali by herself for a bit but now it sounds like she wants me to go with her in a few years. i really dont want to move so thats kind of making me upset and its all i think about and i think about her not being nice and affectionate all day long. is that just something because im feeling depressed and feel like i need more and more affection and she is not giving it, so i get upset... any advice would be great... i really love her and dont want to lose her.

Last edited by motomatt86; 06-01-2008 at 01:30 PM.

 
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Old 06-01-2008, 02:01 PM   #2
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Re: whats going on with me

It could be a mixture of all of this. I know when I struggled with depression, or anytime I feel that way or very upset, I'm very sensitive and need a little extra love! She may not realize how she is coming off as and doesn't realize there is a difference. It could also be the pill. Not all women have a decrease in libido on the pill, but if it happened around that time, it's a definite possibility. With time, some people just get that way too when they are comfortable in the relationship. It doesn't mean they don't care for you, but they are just comfortable with you.

Agreeing on a place where the two of you can live is very important in a relationship and something that is a good idea to agree on if you want to spend your lives together. I know a couple who doesn't agree on all the big things: kids, sex, money, jobs, etc and they really struggle a lot. They have a lot of arguments and the man doesn't seem happy. Just keep on talking to her and hear her side of the story. Some people aren't happy living in one place forever. Maybe she really enjoyed it there, but would enjoy VISITING more than living there. It's something you two just have to talk about and find what is best for BOTH of you, not just her or just you. California is very expensive too in some areas, so there is a lot for you two to discuss.

It's normal for subjects like this to cause a strain on your sex life. Right now just try to have fun together! Do something special for her... like plan a romantic evening together. Even if you don't have sex, it's important to have some kind of romance going on! Plus, it can all lead to sex anyway! Just focus on keeping open conversation, listening to each other's feelings, and doing all you can for the relationship if she is the one. I know for me, if I'm feeling like I need more affection, if I just talk to my guy about it, sometimes it hurts his feelings or makes him feel not good enough. If I feel that way, now I just take things into my own hands and make more of an effort MYSELF and it works every time.

 
Old 06-03-2008, 12:23 PM   #3
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Re: whats going on with me

Seven years! Have it ever crossed your mind that this girl is wondering, where this relationship is going? Will this guy marry me? Does he love me enough to atleast ask my hand in matrimony? Or could it be that she really does want to end the relationship but don't know how to tell you? The moving idea she thought that would help to break off the relationship didn't work, so she's back at square one.
If she's the type that doesn't want marriage, I would suggest giving her some space. You need to seperate for a while. Let's say a few months to clear your heads. What ever is going on with her, you being with her is clearly not helping her situation, nor is it helping yours. She says that she's just not an effectionate person. If this is true, do you want to spend any more of your time with someone that's not effectionate? What would be the purpose? I would suggest, giving her some time a way from you. Then, maybe she can decide on what she really wants.

Last edited by cleansweap; 06-03-2008 at 12:29 PM.

 
Old 06-03-2008, 02:31 PM   #4
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Re: whats going on with me

its actually quite the opposite. she said if she didn't want to be with me she would break up with me. she knows i want to marry her and she talks about living together all the time... she did say she wanted to do something on her own (not split up or anything) and she really wants to visit japan so she is planning on spending 20 days in japan on a tour and i have been encouraging that to give her some space to her self.

 
Old 06-04-2008, 05:57 AM   #5
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Re: whats going on with me

Quote:
Originally Posted by motomatt86 View Post
its actually quite the opposite. she said if she didn't want to be with me she would break up with me. she knows i want to marry her and she talks about living together all the time... she did say she wanted to do something on her own (not split up or anything) and she really wants to visit japan so she is planning on spending 20 days in japan on a tour and i have been encouraging that to give her some space to her self.
That sounds like nothing but talk to me.Actions speak louder than words.If she has stopped being affectionate with you its because she is no longer interested in you in that way.She may still want a relationship in some way,but you can be sure that its going to be very unaffectionate.

 
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