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Old 06-03-2008, 05:54 PM   #1
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Boyfriend No longer wants sex at all please help!

Hi,

So anyone who could give me some helpful advice would be greatly appreciated. I am 25 years old and BF is 27 we have been together for 7 months now. He is wonderful, I got Diagnosed with breast cancer 7 months ago, and just got rid of the cancer recently. He has stuck by me through this entire process and he hardly new me. The sex was always great, and no the breast cancer has nothing to do with him not wanting sex now, bc even through the hair loss and everything else I went through we still had sex. The last 3 months he has been getting closer to god and trying to do things the right way.. slowly but surely he has been getting rid of bad habits, drinking, smoking and just trying to be a better person which is great of course. Well last month he tells me that he thinks we shouldnt have sex for a while ok fine so we dont. Now he says it just doesnt feel right that we or he should wait until marriage. He says that its not me and he wants to have sex, but it doesnt feel right bc the bibe states you should be married... I know this should be the last of my worries considering everything I have been through, but I dont feel its fair. He never asked me if I was ok with it, and just basically left it as we shouldnt do anything sexually. I just dont know what to think or do. I know he is not cheating, I know there is no one else, but this is all too weird for me. Remind you this guy was very into sex before now and for him to say lets not have it....is this fair to me? what should I do or say? I could understand if we both came into the relationship under this agreement, but we didnt, and its frustrating. Please any advice would help.

 
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Old 06-03-2008, 11:22 PM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend No longer wants sex at all please help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicholejasch View Post
what should I do or say? I could understand if we both came into the relationship under this agreement, but we didnt, and its frustrating. Please any advice would help.
Sounds to me like your encounter with cancer has raised the fear of his own mortality. He's now very worried that all the things he did in the past are going to be counted against him. To transform himself as you say he has is quite remarkable, but fear can make you do incredible things.

You say his transformation isn't fair to you, but then he didn't exactly bargain for your cancer trials either. Life isn't fair, and if you now don't like the man he has become, its time to move on. Otherwise, marry him.

Last edited by orion; 06-03-2008 at 11:23 PM.

 
Old 06-04-2008, 12:11 AM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend No longer wants sex at all please help!

A friend of mine after dating her boyfriend and sleeping with him for over a year decided she no longer wanted to have sex just as your boyfriend has decided. She wasn't cheating. She just really got closer with her religion and with God and felt wrong about it until marriage. He did not like it; but he dealt with it and accepted it because he loved her. They are now married. Is this a guy you want to marry? I would not suggest you marry him due to the lack of sex of course; but if you two are at that serious point then maybe if you are SURE; you two should consider getting married. I think you should at least give this no-sex a try and see what happens. There are so many ways to be close emotionally and its not that he never wants to have sex with you again its just he only wants to in the commitment of marriage. Now, if you feel that hes not someone you would want to marry then you may want to rethink the relationship cause one can only go without sex for so long before it causes problems.

 
Old 06-04-2008, 05:37 AM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend No longer wants sex at all please help!

It sounds like to me hes found an excuse to force you into marriage.Hes saying the only way he'll have sex with you again is if you marry him.You had a taste of it ,now do you want a relationship or not.If the sex was good,and you trust him I would go for a discussion of marriage with him.What he expects,and what you expect and if they are pretty much the same I would be looking at a prenuptial agreement, then marriage.
Thats if I had no emotional baggage.Unfortunately I do,so if it were me I probably would say no.

 
Old 06-20-2008, 12:11 PM   #5
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Re: Boyfriend No longer wants sex at all please help!

i dont think its a excuse nor do i think its anything to those lines.

I have a friend who is a ex alcohol and frequent cocaine/marijuana user. He started to go to a church that his grandfather brought him to and is now very deeply into god. He quit all his bad habits including sex with his girlfriend for over a year. His girlfriend could not understand and they were always fighting so he called it off. Now that he is with god he feels his girlfriend is extremely disrespectful to him and also doesnt understand anything that he does because of god now. So if you cant deal with that im sure your boyfriend will miss you but if hes with god now i have a feeling he doesnt want to sin (sex is a sin obviously )

 
Old 07-07-2008, 11:58 AM   #6
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Re: Boyfriend No longer wants sex at all please help!

Nichole,
Found this thread rather interesting as I and my fiance have been celibate for about 3 yrs. now. I get very frustrated at times as does she. We are celibate because we have both recommited ourselves to our Christian walk. Oh, we're not kids either, I'm 55 and she's 51. I spent 6 yrs during the 70's in sunny California and had plenty of short-term relationships and as short-term gratification goes I was certainly fulfilled.

The questions you have have to answer are:
1) Do I love him
2) Do I want to join him in his new religious views?

If the answer is no to either of these than it is probably time to move on.

Neil

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-07-2008 at 02:01 PM. Reason: This is a health board, not a religion board. Thanks.

 
Old 07-11-2008, 12:40 AM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend No longer wants sex at all please help!

I was going to post the same type of reply as Orion has already posted

If he is the same guy who you fell in love with, but minus the sex and marriage is on the cards, i'd be inclined to hold out till the marriage.

If on the other hand there is no more sex and he has changed as a person i would respectfully bail out.

 
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