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geema7 · 06-12-2008, 12:25 PM

I'm not sure exactly where to post this, and I'm not too good at keeping things short and to the point, but hopefully I can get some advice here!....

I recently started seeing this guy. I'll admit - I met him online...actually through a post he made somewhere about having these tickets/reservations that he'd had for a couple months, but had stopped seeing the previous girl and needed someone to go or forfeit the plans. We had a great time that night, and when I contacted him to thank him again for a great time, he asked if I wanted to get together the following weekend.
So we did see each other again that weekend...and ended up sleeping together. Yes, pretty soon and no, I wasn't planning on it but when things turned that way, it just felt like the thing to do (not that I should, but that I wanted to). We got together the weekend after that, and the same thing happened. Keep in mind that we weren't just hooking up and that was it, we did make other plans and went out to eat, went to see a band playing locally, etc.
We saw each other 4 times and slept together 3 of those times. And actually everything seemed to be going fine - we get along well, have fun together, etc. And seem to be pretty sexually compatible too. Except for one thing.

Each time we have had sex, I have gotten a tear. Not that big of a deal for me, honestly - it doesn't hurt during, only a little the next day or so. However, it bleeds - quite a lot - and that causes problems. The first time some got on the bed but luckily the stain came out...the next time we got towels, lol - it was a little weird but worked...and then the last time we got a towel but it still got everywhere. In fact it was the worst yet, and he tried throwing the sheets in the washer and it didn't come out, basically the bedding was ruined. I felt awful yet again - not that it's my fault, but still. I don't really know why it's happening - sure he's a little bigger than other guys I've been with, but I don't know that that's the problem. In any case, that night (which happened to be last Friday) he got really frustrated about it - of course I was too. The next day he called me and apologized for being upset, saying that he knew it wasn't like it was on purpose or anything...and that I was great and all that, and if I wanted to still get together from time to time and have a beer or whatever, then that was cool - but that we probably couldnt really pursue anything further between us.
???
Now - I haven't really mentioned this to my friends yet as I'm still sorting it out in my head, but I'm sure they'll all tell me to forget about him he's a - well, you know - for doing that, and obviously he was only after one thing if he's gonna drop me because of that. Which I kind of agree with....except that I think we're actually alike in many weird, hidden ways, and I really can see where he's coming from. I mean - sex is an important part of a relationship, so if there's problems from the get-go, that doesn't bode well. Right? It's making me mad because I was having a lot of fun, and have never torn like that before, and everything else was looking good...but now...nothing.

So I guess my question, after all that, is this: does his reaction sound rational? Should I really just forget about him (as much as I DON'T want to - even though we don't know each other all that well)? Should I maybe try to explain what was going on? He doesn't actually know that I tore! I mean he knew I was bleeding and we wondered if it was because of his size, but once I was home and checked and saw a tear, I never actually explained that. I don't really know what to do and I don't know if that was a normal "guy" reaction or what. Would it be weird for me to call him and explain, and let him know there are things we can try and maybe avoid the bleeding? lol this is just a ridiculous situation. And to be honest, if all he was looking for was sex and that was why he broke things off (because there were problems with the sex) - well right now I am okay with that. I would be fine keeping things the way they were (although he kind of sounded like maybe he had been looking for it to turn into a real relationship when he broke it off). Hm. Guys, would you be weirded out if a girl had this issue and then tried to explain it to you and work things out?? Is it worth it? I don't know what to do!! I need some advice!

Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading it all if you did!

timetoreclaim · 06-12-2008, 10:15 PM

I'd think he'd try to discuss it with you or just deal with it if he's not a talker and he wanted to pursue the relationship. Did you guys try any lube any of the times?

Kirsty75 · 06-13-2008, 03:59 AM

Eh look people work through things if they want to be together and honestly if it's something that was not bothering you it shouldn't of been bothering him! for hecks sake...worse things get on the sheets than blood durring sex

rhiannon777 · 06-13-2008, 08:04 PM

It's not entirely clear from your post how extreme his reaction was -- was he just a little frustrated? Did he yell at you? Was he mean? If he was just a little frustrated or irritated, then I think it's within the scope of a normal reaction, but if he yelled or was cruel, then I'd ditch him immediately.

Did he seem concerned about your bleeding and whether he'd hurt you? That should tell you a lot about what kind of a person he is. Also, was he rough with you? If so, I'd be concerned that maybe he has violent tendencies.

I'm guessing maybe the problem is that you tore the first time and it hasn't had a chance to heal, so each time you have sex, it opens it back up. I guess that's one easy way to tell if he's just after sex -- see if he's cool with giving you a week or two without sex to heal up before you try again.

happymom28 · 06-14-2008, 10:35 AM

I have to be honest here, but for whatever reason, he just doesn't seem that into you. He could be using the "bleeding" as an excuse or not, I don't know. All I do know is that if he really liked you enough in that way he would want to persue things further either way. Does that make sense?

I mean, you could try to tell him you tore or whatever, but I think all you will accomplish is getting him as a FWB since that is what he seems to want (if you want to get together for a beer or something

). I just don't see what difference telling him will make.

I think you are best to move on. You really haven't known him that long so why try to convince him to give you a try if he just isn't into it? There are plenty of decent guys out there.

Executor · 06-14-2008, 09:04 PM

It's hard to say how he really feels by the information you provided. I'm sure he was disappointed, just like you were. I think you have to give him a little credit for calling the next day to apologize. A lot of young men wouldn't do that.

I think you have to get to the bottom of why you are tearing. Whether it's this relationship or another (in the future), you should understand the cause and try to avoid it. Are you properly lubricated? You mentioned that he was a bit larger, but didn't sound like it was anything out of the ordinary. Do you have large labia? Could it be getting pulled in and then tear? I've read where this can happen to some women. Some women actually have it reduced through a minor surgical procedure. Are you in pain, or is it just bleeding as a superficial wound?

I don't think your issue isn't anything to get worked up over....It sounds to me like a small bump in the road that you can work through.

Good luck.

Ex

Audrey-B · 06-16-2008, 10:33 PM

From your post it appears that he doesn't appear to wish to work through this. Do you really want some guy who bails once he hits the first bump in the road? Then again, maybe he feels he shouldn't be obligated due to the fact that you are not serious boyfriend/girlfriend. If a guy cares about you and definitely wants you in his life and is serious about you he will not relegate your relationship to a mere "get together with a beer or two".

Was sooo much blood from a tear? Have you ever bled during sex before? I would agree with Rhiannon777 that the tear likely didn't have time to heal and you kept reopenning the wound. If you didn't use lubricant it would have made matters worse.

The bed linen would not have been ruined. When i've had super heavy periods and they have gone through a towel, onto my bed sheet and then through to the matress protector i have salvaged the lot. You simply do not throw anything "bloody" straight into the washing machine. I find doing a "spot" clean first helps get rid of most of the mess. Basically soak the affected area and use some washing powder or a good laundry soap on the stain. Once most of the stain has been removed then stick the lot in the washing machine.

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